TOLD ON LAMBTON QUAY.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume XVI, Issue 5158, 17 October 1895, Page 2

TOLD ON LAMBTON QUAY.

[By The Ancient Manner,] "And thus spake on that ancient man, The hight.ei/edmariner."-GoMiie. Wellington, Tuesday. J.P. ok p.j. jjt. > _ Tbe term" justice of is not held in sufficient veneration, and the reason is not far to seek. Successive Governments in their efforts to reward political supportel's, have palmed oft upon the community, some rare specimens of crystalisedstupidity. Some Justices are no doubt well worthy of the » honour conferred on them, while others only too plainly illustrate that there is in this country an overproduction of fools. Amongst the last batch selected for honourable distinction, and permitted to tack on to thoir names the magic letters J.P. and pan out justice to the mob, was mi individual well-known in business circles, not only in this City, but throughout.the Colony also. In r Wellington he is well and favourable known, and highly respected by thV intelligont portion of the community; furthermore, he holds some import' ant positions, and is in every way an estimablo character. Notwithstanding that he is a bit fiery, he is in m y opinion not unfitted for the positiA, of Justice of the Peace for the CoWT ony of New Zealand.

Ho suffers, however, from a painful malady, and like others similarly affected, he is unconscious of bis affliction. He is liable, at frequent intervals, to be seized with paroxysms of egotism, aud the'eomplaint threatens to becomo chronic; this has been more noticeable sinca ho has been able to sign himself,' J.P. When suffering from one of theso fits of vanity, he is somewhat dangerous j his intimate friends declare that ic is easy to detect in him the approach of one of these fits, According to these friends, the symptoms are a measured heaving of the chest, a sanguinary colouring of the cheeks, an inflation of the "tummy," filling every crevice of the waistcoat; a perky walk, and a swagger movement of tho head, tho eyes glancing furtively from side to side. When stricken with this complaint, it is only Mb very intimate *, friends that dare to address him, and they find it best to say some- • thing complimentary. Casual (Jfr quaintances and strangers treated to flashes of withering scorn, that shrivel them up and spoils their appetites. How this J.P. took his seat on the Bench, and the incidents connected -' therewith, are now matters of history ; they are, howevor, not generally known to tbe British public, and as tho 13.P. always likes to know everything about its great men, I shall make it my business to record the facts. He attended Court in broadcloth and helltoppor, * "Justice tempered with morcy," lurked in tho corners of his oyes nnd tho puckers of his mouth. His heart thumped fit to burst, but his demeanour on tho whole was modest and unassuming. He swooped down on the Bench with a superfine slouch, < twirled his moustache, then mopped his face with his handkerchief, looked up to the ceiling for inspiration, the flies reminding him that there should be no "flies" on Justice of the Peace. The othfW Justices summoned to attend did nofr turn up, and the novice was thus obliged to take the business by him- ' self. The charge sheetwasalightone, the only case being a hopeless case of drunkenness. A solitary J.P. on the Bench, nnd a solitary "drunk" in the dock. The one was a new chum, the other was an old soldier. The police proved the guilt of the prisoner, and thore was nothing left but to fix him upwith a punishment. The J.P,, bending oyer the rails of his enclosure, appealed to the Clerk of tho Court in a whisper, "Whatis the usual penalty in such a case P" " Five bob or twenty-four hours," responded the Clork, who immediately clawed his pon ready to record the decision of the Bench. Just at »• this supreme moment something went wrong with the works; tbo Clerk waited a minute or more, nnd wondering what occasioned tho delay, looked towards the Bench for an explanation. TheJ.P. wasalmost invisible, yet it was quite apparent that he was searching forsomething. He was rummaging tbe shelving around the sent of justice, bobbing W from one side to the other. " What is the matter?" "Have you lost anything P" asked the wondering Clerk, The response camo from tho J.P. in a deeply impressive tone, and tinged with a deadly significance, "I'm looking for Wit black cap." The unfortunate J.P, was seized with ' the malady—paroxysm of egotism -and for the moment, fancied ho was a P.J. (Puisne Judge), instead of a J.P. (Justice of the Peace), and was about to sentence the sot in the dock to be " hemped-up." The friends of this fiery J.P. say, that anyone .wishing to experience the luxury of danger, have no need to go far. Get alongside of this J.P. ! and utter tho words "blackcap," and missiles of every description will fly about the head and body' of the offender. It is said, but I cannot vouch for its accuracy, that he hasbeen hown to throw boiled cabbage at his tormentors, He is making frantic efforts to cure himself of these fitß of vanity, but the more he , tries tho worso thoy seem to get. He is still alive.

REMNANTS OF A KEGIJIENT. . "ff In the days when the sonnd of the trumpet meant "To arms," and the Maoris were popping at the Pakehas from behind hedges, twenty.five gallant fellows, calling themselves j the Wellington Colonial Defence Corps, left Masterton apd Greytown '"" for the purpose of doing military service in the Wanganui district. They travelled at their own expense as far as Patea, and fought gallantly for their adopted country. Of the twenty.five who formed this corps, only ten now remain, and they are scattered far and wide. AMr Smith at TeNui is one; the trumpeter of the company, Ted Hutchings, i 8 on ex. press service in the city, and a most obliging old fellow he.is. One of the servants, Mr H. E. D eane , appears to be still at the front, for he is at Patea now running a fancy Roods stove, The remnants of this regiment, led by the erstwhile trumpeter, have been fighting hard, under the cover of tho Naval and ]filituT>J£ l bettlers Aot, to obtain a money grant in recognition of thoimrvices, but until the other day their firing was wild and ineffective. With the r Help of Mr Hogg they have Bhot the mark, »nd a recommendation has ; been made by the Commissioner, that they be allowed £2O per man, and through the good influence ,of the member for Masterton, tha Ministerof Lands has promised to place tha ■•' amount raprei on the estimates, ■•••••

'* :';■ iimii^^m——■ ;','■'' flEm and swm. ; ' The season has begun, and white pants were as plentiful in the Basin Reserve on Saturday last as the flies iu an ttvorage butclioc's shop. Football has given placo to cricket,, and in this fascinating game Wellington promises to do wonders this soason. y iMy theme, however, is football and 4Jtt cricket. Chatting with a bulky V atuloto this morning, I learned that tho Association game of football had, during tho season, made rapid strides in Wellington. There are seven senior clubs in the City, while saigjml . junior and third-class clubs were formed, the latter holding tournaments amongst themselves. In tho . sonior division tho " Swifts" carried off the palm, winning the champion- \ ship and badges, also annexing tho Izard Cup, presented by Mr C. B. Izard. Tho" Swifts," too, recorded the heaviest weight in the senior clubs, the nvorago being list 41b, For a club formed only a year ago their record is an excellent one, and

although they kissed the grass at v. the Auckland tournament, they pro- > mise to mako things lively at the timpaign in Dunedin next year, be .Rugby game was not quite so well patronised as jvhen we had the Cornstalks' war cry of " Hick, rick, tick, tick, tick, hoopa, hoopa, ha," The visit of the New South Wales

toam lent considerable interest to v J&e game, and the non-appearance of flw boys from Bananaland spoiled ' the fun. The Association game has been greatly popularised and to the " Swifts" is duo much of the credit of the awakening interest. It is less dangerous than Rugby football, quite as scientific, and requiring from its players all the elements of sterling good athletes who, to he successful at the game, must be beavv aud swift. TUB CHIEF MAGISTRATE. We have in a measure to thank I Eichard I, King of England, for the annual struggles for (he Mayoralty. In 1189, King Dick ("our Richard" was a thing of the future) changed the bailiffs into Mayors, the title being derived from the ancient word - maier which means able or potent. Wellington wants a mayor aud three individuals have declared themselves as able to fill the civic chair. Tho three candidates struggling for the >. small salary of £2OO and the great honor, are the present mayor, Mr C.

M. Luko; George Fisher, ox-mayor, has been in store for ten and Mr J, M, Richardson. The speculation on the event has already begun, and the candidates too, have started the gas. It is difficult to guess so early in the battle who will head the poll, still many who fancy themselves at parish politics, declare that Fisher will win the stakes. In matters of this kind I prefer to take the tip of my friend Bob. Bob, I may say, is a man

about town, ho knows everybody, and the business of everybody; c be can tell to a hair's breadth your balance at the bank, and can relate some very hue yarns of shoddy finance, Bob has two teet, which are always cased up in a fine pair of hoots, but Bob's left foot is a misery to him, for it carries some mighty corns which causes Bob to waddle rather than walk, It is not everyone that can get on the off-side of Bob, indeed, if the occasion suits

Bob will lie to you faster than Car-bine-that equine wonder-could tollop. This by way of business. Wsfc year my friend Bob, ran Mr Luke and won, this year I underi stand lie is to throw his w hole weight, that of his corns andmiseryincluded, in favour of Mr Richardson, so that tho chances are that the noxt Mayor of Wellington will be Mr J. M. Richardson, Tho fight promises to be a real good one, and the one that beats George Fisher will have to poll

heavily, Sympathy with Mr Fisher i is very strong, and many who even disagree with his politics are inclined to give him a vote, that be may have another chance in politics. Bob's weight has to te reckoned with. A MUSICAL MAX, Mr Myles Birket Foster is the lion of the hour in musical circles, and - 1 Mr Foster has shown his gratitude by passing some very complimentary remarks about music and musiciansin Wellington, The standard is high, showing the tuition to be good, is the purport of Mr Foster's remarks, and no one will deny that the compliment is well deserved. We are music mad in tho city and i-the visit of this great London mns"raiian will make us madder than ever, we can show results too, for did not our Garrison Band walk off with £IOO at Timaru the other day. The Musical Festival Soeiety of 1894, gave the impetus to music which is now being felt, and the number of professors in our midst helps to keep 1 v tho" poetry of sound " well to the front. We have in existence the Orchestral Society numbering 40 performing members, with about 120 subscribers and conducted by Mr A.F.Hill, The Liedertafel limited

to 30 performing with 120 subscribers, and conducted by Mr Robert Parker, The Festival Choral

Society, numbering 200 voices with

about 170 subscribers and conducted by Mr Robert Parker, Mr Maugban Barnett's musical society consists of 180 voices j in the Liederkrantz, conducted by Madame Merz, there are 40 voices; then there is the

Operatic Society which is shortly to stage Princess Ida, and Mr T. 0. Webb's Bociety with 60 voices, v Music floats about in the streets of Wellington at all hours of the day and well into the night, for we have fejgveral sets of musieal medieants in fftr midst. The man with the barrel organ and the monkey, the Scotch dame with the concertina delights us with Scottish airs, and

seoops ; in the bawbees; the quartet of Italians whose music is singa- .« larly sweet and highly classical. .JCfhfl baby girl who sings music-hall ditties to the accompaniment of harp and violin, are.among some of our street musicians, so that, taken altogether, the City spends a godd deal in sound, The whistling of Wellington's winds is tho only cheap music, and we hate it. rOLJCB TYRANNY, In chatting with a member of Parliament I learn that from various 1 pails of the colony pressure is being placed on the Defence Department to remove obnoxious bobbies. It is alleged that constables in charge of stations are becoming not merely autocratic but tyrannical, and in their dealings with hotel-keepers are fythingbut impartial. The matter s got to such a pitch that there every probability that a number of transfers will be made after the ... prorogation of Parliaments and it : .'•... will become a rule of the Defence Department in future to change the stations of constables from time to time, IN MMAMBNT. The .country- members are now eagerly looking out for the Public '■:":. Works Statement; The Minister of : ':■ Lauds >a;s .that owing to the want

of money, the votes this year will be disappointing to many. Country members who look to those votes to keep them in Parliament will know the extent of their misery on Friday night. Tho amalgamation proposals of tho two Banks are also expected to come before tho House on Friday. The Bank of New Zcalnnd has maintained its position, so it is reported, ar.d takes over selected assets of the selling Bank. This appears to be borne out by the tone of the shnremnrket, Colonial Bank shares being unsaleable at more than 18s Sd, buyers evidently expecting to realise about 20s through amalgamation,