TELEGRAPHIC

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume XII, Issue 3870, 27 July 1891, Page 3

TELEGRAPHIC

(press association.)

. Greymouth, July 25. The coal export for the'week is 2915 tons.

July 26. Thnie has been no rain for the last six we. ks, and all sluicing in ihe district is at a standstill. There is no appearance of rain yet. Wurk on the Kotuku section of the Midland Railway h going o» brisklv. The Greymonth dredge is at last in good working order, and easily lifts 200 tons per hour. Chbistchurch, July 26. At a meeting of the musical profession to-nigbt, about 30 being present, the Canterbury Society of Musicians was formed, to promote the iDteiestß cf members of the profession generally. Auckland, July 25. Captain McLean, of the schooner Christine, of this port, is fitting out the vessel for a whaling cruise to the Kermadec and Norfolk Islands in pursuit of humpback and right whales

A Piteous Appeal. Dunedis, July 26. At the City Police Court to-day Annie Robinson, married, with three children, and whose husband is invalided, was charged .with the theft of d,oor, mats. She made a pi teous appeal Bench, pleading that she had to Bteal in order to procure bread for her children. . She was convicted, and ordered to come up for sentence when called upon.

MARK TWAIN ON BABIES. At a (Saner given to General Grant the fifteenth and last regular toast was " The Babies. As they eomfort us in our sorrows, let us not forget them in our festivities;" and to this Samuel L. Clemens responded. He said—l like that. We have not all had the good fortune to be ladies. We have not all been generals or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to The

Babies we stand on common ground—/laughter) for we have all been babies. (Renewed laughter.) It is a shame that for a thousand years the world's banquets have utterly ignored the baby. (Laughter.) If you will stop and think a minute—if you will go back fifty or a hundred years to > our early married life (laughter) and contemplate your first baby you will remember that he amounted to a great deal, and even something over. (Roars.) You soldiers all know that when that little fellow arrived at family head-quarters, you had to hand in your resignation. (Laughter.) He took entire command. You became his lackey—his mere body-servant (laughter)—and you had to stand around, too. (Renewed laughter.) He was not a commander who made allowance for time, distance, weather, or anything else. (Convulsive screams.) You had to execute his order whether it was possible or not. (Roars.) • And there was only one form of machinery in bis manual of tactics, and that was the quick. (Shouts.) ,He treated you with every sort of insolence and disrespect—(laughter) —afcd the bravest of you didn't dare say a word. (Great laughter.) You could face the death storm of Donelson and Vicksberg, and give back blow for blow, but when he clawed your whiskers, and pulled your hair, and twisted your nose, you had to take it -(Roars.) Jffhen the thunders of war were sounding in your ears you set your faces towards the batteries,- and advanced with steady tread; but when he turned on the terrors of his war-whoop—(laughter)—you advanced in the other direction, and mighty glad of the chance too. (Renewed laughter.) When he called for soothing syrup did you venture to throw out any side remarks aboul certain services being unbecoming an officer and a gentleman ? (Boisterous laughter) No. You got up and got it. (Great laughter.) When he ordered his pap bottle and it was not warm, did you talk back ? (Laughter.) Not you. (Renewed laughter) You went to work and warmed it. (Shouts.) You even descended so far in your menial office as to take a suck at that warm, insipid stuff —(laughter)—just to see it was right—three parts water to one of milk—(tumultuous a touch of sugar to modify the ncolic—flaughter) and a drop of peppermint to kill those immortal hiccoughs. (Roars.) I can taste that stuff. (Laughter.) And bow many things you learned as you went along 1 Sentimental young folks still take stock in that beautiful old saying that when the baby smiles it is because the angels are whispering to him. Very pretty, but too Bun—simply wind on the stomach, my friends. (Shonts.) If the baby proposed to take a walk at his usual hour—two o'clock in the morning—(laughter)—didn't you rise up promptly and remark, with a mental addition that would not improve a Sunday school book—(much laughter)—that was the very thing you were about to propose yourself? (Great roars.) Oh, you were under good discipline—(laughter)—and as you went faltering up and down the room to your undress uniform—(laughter)—you cot only prattled undignified baby-talk, but even turned up your martial voices and tried to sing—" Rock-a-by-baby in a tree top," for instance. (Great laughter.) What a spectacle for -an army of the Tennessee 1 (Laughter.) And what an affliction for the neighbours, too, for it is not everybody within a mile around that likes military music at three o'clock in the morning I (Laughter.) And when you had been keeping this sort of thing up two or three hours, and your little velvet head intimated that nothing suited him like exercise and noise —(laughter; "goon")—what did yon do? You simply went on until you dropped into the last ditch. (Laughter.) The idea that a baby doesn't amount to anything! Why, one baby is just a house and a front yard full by itself. (Laughter.) One baby can furnish more business than you and your whole interior department can attend to. (Laughter.) He is enterprising, irrepressible, brimful of lawless activities. (Laughter.) Do what you please, you can't make him stay on the reservation. (Great shouts.) Sufficient unto the day is one baby. (Laughter.) As long as you are in your right mind, don't you ever pray for twins. (Laughter.) Mr Clemens is the father of a pair. Twins amount to permanent riot. (Laughter.) And there ain't any difference between triplets and' an insurrection. (Uproarious, shouts.) \ Yes, it was high time for a toast ta the masses to recognise the impOrtance'f the babies. ■ (Laughter.) Think what is in store for the present crop! Fifty years from now we shall all be-dead. I trust—(laughter)—and then this flag, if it still survives (and let us hope it may) will be floating over a republic numbering 200,000,000 souls, according to the settled laws of our increase. Our present schooner of state—(laughter)—will have grown into a political leviathan—a Great Eastern. The cradled babies of to-day will be on deck. Let them be well trained, for we are going to leave a big contract on their hands. (Laughter.) Among the three or four million cradles now rocking in the land are some which this nation would preserve for ' ages as sacred things if we could know which ones they are. In some of these cradles the unconscious Farragut of the f ß t or «j»-*thlsmoment teething—(laughter) :_thkk JPKad potting in a word of dead tarnietySarticHlated but perfectly justifiable ifMEMty over it too. (Laughter.) In "'9Ker the future renowned astronomer is Bunking at the shining milky way with a liquid interest, poor little chap, wondering what has become of that other one they call the wet nursed (Laughter.) In another, the future great historian is lying, and doubtless will continue to lie—(laughter)— until his earthly mission is ended. In another, the future president is busying himself with no profounder problem of state than what the mischief has become of his hair so early—(laughter)—and in a mighty array of other cradles there are now some 60,000 future office-seekers, getting ready to famish him occasion to grapple with that same old problem a second time. And in still one more cradle, somewhere under the flag, the future illustrious commander-in-chief of the American armies is so little burdened with his approaching grandeurs and responsibilities, as to be giving his whole strategic mind at this moment to trying to find out some way to get his big toe into his mouth—(laughter)—an achievement which, meaning no disrespect, the illustrious guest Of the evening turned his attention to some 56 years ago; and if the child is but a prophecy of the man, there are mighty few who will doubt that he succeeded. (Laughter and applause.)

The Judee Edwards AppealNapier, July 25. The Hawke's Bay Branch of the Law Society having adopted a similar resoluiion to tbat passed by the Canterbury Society on the Judge Edwards affair, have received a reply intimating that the Government intend to proceed with the appeal.