WIT AND HUMOUR.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume XI, Issue 3607, 6 September 1890, Page 3

WIT AND HUMOUR.

v L shoemaker lately hung out a Bin, andthen wondered what passersbjound a) amusing. His sign ran ai'ollows:" Don't go elsewhere to bshoatod. Walk in haro." Jiiat clerk: Yos, old obap, if the \. gjfer doesn't withdraw the insolent ■ lsguage he used to me I shall leave ' tli'ifirm." Second ditto.: " What di lie say ?•' He said " You are djoh'argea," MisbHomely-Hciross—"l assure '' yi) I shall never marry anvjme who lores me. for my money." sir Pleasitly Sayette " Ah, indeed I I stijpose you prefet single life ?" tfiss Flimsoy (who wants to got a pflr of gloves for a male.friend): "Have you any gontleraon'a gloves?" clerk (glancing at her hand): 00, miss, but I think I can find a ■ lilies size that will fit yoii." . - Man enters newepaper office, Edtor looks up in alarm, '• My dar sir," says the visitor," I have a bach warrant for your arrest." Eiitor: " Thank goodness it is no twso I I thought you had a poeml" "And did you both praotice a little self-denial, and agree to give . «nmnl.lnncr von were fond of

sugar, for instance—as {suggested." "Well, yes, aunty, only it wasn't exactly sugar I It was soap we i. Nervous gentleman: Now be careful how you drive, cabby, and go slowly over the stones, for I hntt to be shaken, And mind you pull up at the right house; and look out for those dreadful steam rollers." Cabby " Never fear, sir, I'll do my -best. And whtoh 'orspital would you wish to be taken to in case of a hacoident?" ( "More we take up the collection • ■ this morning," remarked the minister, ■as he looked mildly over the congregation, "I wish to say that we have in the church treasury already two quarts of threo penny bits that appear to have been punched through and afterwards plugged with lead. These coins, I am informed, will not buy stamps, groceries, or fuel, and conductors on trams refuse to take tbem, Tbe cboir will please sing, "0, land of rest, for thee I sigh." Sympathetic Spinster: "And is your other boy at all like this one ?" Proud Mother:" Oh, no, quite a . contrast to him!" Sympathetic Spinster: " How nice!"—