BREVITIES.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume XI, Issue 3485, 15 April 1890, Page 3

BREVITIES.

Change, Autumn to Winter. Borough Council moots to-night. Bumoured now water supply scheme will bo introduced. Clanging of firebolk Destruction of straw slacks. Clever capture by the police. " Tin kcttlers" receiving blue paper. British warships boycott by tho lat'jPottugueso. ' H. M. titanloj conaidotctl a covert: foD and enemy to Germany, Opening of the now town of Tipper*7 in Ireland, caused by evictions. Trotnondoas excitement. Jack Tlisnpßon, tho well-known sporting man of Sydney, died yesterday, , The model husbands aro those men who nover marry. Tim courso of true love and J- amateur poetry nover did inn smooth. " Employer; "Married?" Applicant: "Yes, but it wasn't my fault." It is an unfeeling married man who declares that his. wife is always ponsive when she is not expensive, Bride: " Please, don't call mo 'duck,'" Groom: "Why, not, sweetie?" Brido: Because a duck waddles and talks liko a goose." " What is sweeter than to havo a friend you can trust?' asked Hawkins, "To have a friend who will trust jon," replied Dawkiia (lunny stroak on): "Do ydit kuup good cigars ?" Oigur man.: " Cortaiulv wo do," Jugga: " You're foolish. You ought to soil them." A woman who favours equal suffntgo wants to knov if it is a crime to be a woman, No, but it is uot manly, We will say no more, " Why do thoy say a man has a ' cool million' when speaking of his wealth?" "Ob, I suppose he blows so much ahout'it that it is kept cool." lie (sb thoy stood on the Moony): "It is very bright within, and very dreary without, is it not? She: "Without what I" He: "You,," They are married now, £ Stationmaßter (to suspicious-looking aged, who has just entered a first-cluss compartment): " Are you first-class, ma'am V Aged lady: " Yes, thank you; how aro you 1" By a quick shot he had just rescued her from the clutches of a bear. "What were your thoughts when Bruin commenced to squeeze!" was the inquiry. " Ob, Charlie, I of you," * The Bimoold lie: -She: "George, you arc tbo first gentleman that ever kissed mo. He: "Malinda, by the same right allow mo to say that you aro the lirsl young lady I ever kissed." Irate politician: " Look here, you publisbel a lie about me this morning —an infamouß lie; I won't stand it." Soieoe editor:" But just think where yon would be if we were to publish tho truth about you." When you Bee a girl perking a scrap book full of cooking recipes out of the weekly papors, you know pretty well that sonio young man is in a position to be congratulated, and yet when you think of tho recipes you feel sorry for him, too, "Ithooght I should laugh right out," said Mrs Casbton j " when wc were at the Zoo to-day, Mrs Smith tolled an animal a seraph, Of course Wmeant' giraffe; but tho fun of it was it wasn't a girafie; it wsb a camomile," Mrs Shaw, tho whistler, is making (great social conquests in London; ftyd every time she finds a dukelet at her feet she petrifies him with a low, coquottish whistle of indifference. Last year was a good ooa for tho Irish farmers. The crops were good, Prices were higher thaa for many years, Itents aro from 25 to 83 per cent lower than ton years ago.' A Cincinnati man who has preserved a record of 820 railway accidents happening in America in the past year, finds that only thirteen ont of the lot occurred from causes beyond human oontrol. "Maria," demanded Mr Billus, " do you intend to wear that ridiculous hat to church this morning?" "I certainly do, John," replied Mrs Billus, "This iga lovely hat, There will not ho a nicer one there." "If you go to church with that'thing, Maria,"ho stormed, "I'll wear tho squeakiest pair of boots I've got." " i can't help it, John," said his wife sweetly. Tbey were late at ohuroh, Mr Bilks wore his squeaky hoots, jSerybody looked round and saw tho ggt, and Mrs Billus was happy. Oh, Woman, woman. What fools men contiuue to make of themselves in thyaame.