BREVITIES.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume XI, Issue 3477, 5 April 1890, Page 3

BREVITIES.

Maoris, Mormon conference. Fine holiday weather, Numerous picnic parties. ■ Openingof football season, Monday nest. His Excellency tho Governor at Witerao caves. Jp is reported that Jonathan Roberts has beon captured in Sydnoy. The Czar on Wednesday suddenly seized with serious illness. Tho Emperor William has decided to visit England and Russia in tho summer. The Turkish Government threatens togroclaim martial law in the island erafete. No man ought to do what he pleases unless he pleases to do what is right, " Voltaire said ho never regretted going to law but twice. Once when he lost his suit, arid once when he won it. Mrs Srnitem: "Bobby, you bad boy, havo yon been fighting with Tommy Slimson again ? Dear, dear! I shall have to get yon a now suit." Bobby:" That's nothing, ma, You ought to see Tommy Slimson. His ma may have to get her a now boy."

Little boy: "Is tho doctor in ? 'cause if ho is I want to see him at once." Servant;" He is not in," Littlo hoy; " Well, just as soon nshe gets homo, you tell him to come over to our house and take back that baby he loft last week, It's in the way, 1 ' When you see a man who kisses hisSpdren in public, you may be pretty sure that he keeps the seats of their pantaloons well dusted at homo. The funniest thing in the career of s|fa>roußing cat is when he sits on the~ back fence placidly watching a woman trying to come within several miles of him with a job-lot of bric-a-brac

" Bridget, did you hear the doorbell?" "Ym, mum." "Thenwhy don't'you go to tho door?" " Shure mum, I don't be expectin' anybody to call on me. It must bo somebody to seeyersilf!" ■ She (Boston): "Havo you ever attempted to dephlogistioate the ecphratic immiscibilityof the pneumatological anhydrousness involved in the myrioramic protoplasm!" He: " Woll, not exactly. But I've eaten scrapplo." " Excuse me, miss," said a young man to.a lady who affects juvenility iu head dress, " but your hair is all down." "Thank you," was the reply;" possibly you havo observed the same*fact in connection with your moustache."