BREVITIES.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume XI, Issue 3476, 3 April 1890, Page 2

BREVITIES.

Holidays I ■'■'•'■' • '^fef Peculiar weather. . . "'*[' Police on the tract of poachers. ■ , Rink patronised last night by. ■ dußky Mormon damsels. Annual ball Red StarP.O. Mon- ' dayevening. A.W.Renall " aat on" himself in Court this morning. Look out for. squalls I The latest ; njoteprolpgical register in Masterton. faUenvery low.' • | Tho Liverpool dockownors have j'oonsented. to submit to arbitration, "dfc'. aqd the Unionists have consenae'ntlj W'' resuniedwork, ' , ...• .' . . • ~V v' Satisfactory arrangements roada -

Coraody Company at Masterton at an early date. If yon have running of the noso : And constant fits of sneezing, A chilly feeling down "your back, As though your Bpino wis freeziug, If in a' rooky,' nervous Likoono in drunken frenzy, My friend, you've got tne French' la grippo* Or English influenza. 4>Some author says that one of the Jfisos of adversity ib to bring ns out. That is true—particularly at thoknees and elbows. Scientist: " Bring mo a decoction of burnt peas,sweetened with glucose and lightened with chalk and water." Waiter (vociferously: "Coffee for one!*' A Frenchman, having frequently heard the word "press" used to imply persuade—as "pre 33 that gentloman to tako some refreshment" -thought ho wpuld display ltis tajfnjts by using what he imagined a Jpmynious term. He accordingly 'cried out in company ono evening: • "Pray squeeze that lady to sing." Stalwart Passenger; "Do yon think there is any hope, captain ?" Indignant Skipper: " Look here, you big coward, that's the fourth time you've asked me. I believe you're tko most thoroughly frightened man on the ship I" Stalwart Passenger: " Shsh I No, I'm not. Do ybu see that old duffer over tliero by tlio rail ? Well, that's my, rich,, uncle. I've ( <sjfcmore than attentive to 'him all my life, but if the ship's going down, I want time to get in just one good kickathimasanevener." A commercial traveller up North handed a merchant, upon whom ho had called, a portrait of his sweetheart out of mistake for his business card, Baying that he represented that establishment. The merchant examined it carefully, remarked that it was a fino establishment, and returned it to the astonished and blushing traveller with a hope that he would soon be admitted into partnership. There is an ingenious" cobbler"

in Masterton, to whom all things are fble. A young man rodo up to establishment yesterday and inquired," Could you put a new pair of boots on to this patch ?" " Oh, certainly, I'll fix it whilo you're waiting!" was the prompt reply of the disciple of Crispin, and after a delay of a few minutos, returned with a brand new pair of pedal /*rerings, to which he had stitched HP patch.

A bad marriage is like an eleotric maohine—it makes you dauco, and you can't let go,

"Bob, where is the state of matrimony?"' "It is -one of the United States. It is bounded by hugging and kissing on ono sido, and cradles and babies on (bo other., Its chief products are population, broomsticks, and stayiug out o' nights. It was discovered by Adam and Eve while trying to find a northwest passage out of Paradise. The climate is rather sultry till you pass the tropics of housekeeping, when squally weather commonly sets in with sufficient power to keep all hands cool as cucumbers. For the principal roads leading to this interesting state consult the first pair of blue eyes you run against."