Our Wellington Watchman.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume IX, Issue 2790, 5 January 1888, Page 2

Our Wellington Watchman.

History may be made during holiday, times, but if so the contemporary historian is unable to catch on to much of it. This is a round-about way of admitting thatl have nothing startling in the way of news to administer. Wellington may be suffering from the direst depression, but she certainly shows no outward and visible signs of the same. She has been keeping up high jinks for" the last ten days, and; even now the people have holiday faces. I,do not think that the accusation brought against Britons—that they take, their pleasures sadly-"-.will apply to New Zealanders, \who go about their diversions with consider-,, able gaiety and spirit, and as if they meant it. But it is the pickaninnies that take my eye on all festive occasions; Young New Zealand bosses the show, and adults of all ages seem to be their 'willing, and obsequious slaves. This is as it should be,, but 0 temporal 0 mom! —what a change from the days of our youth, Mr Editor! What prim and rather sad little' prigs some of us were to be sure. And when we did take our pleasures how frigid they were to- the festivities of youug -1888. Let's see, you and I must have been young in the Sandford and Mgrton period, when it was the correct thing for elders to take an unfortunate and unoffending kid for a walk, and—instead of permitting the poor child to run about and howl and expand his lungs and have a good time generally-"improve his mind"—the ogres. And what painful reverences, what Sir-ings and Madams we had to bestow upon those same elders, and what mum-chicks and little hypocrites they made of many of their young folk. And the Sundays—do- you remember the Sawbawths,MrEditor?—The Sawbawths with three churches.' Unlimited tract, and no laughter, no singing, and when the surreptitious marble meant misery kere and hereafter, and to whistle was damnation without hope ? Yes, they have changed all that in New Zealand, and the chances are young New Zealand will respect and love old ditto a great deal more than the yowi? England of my youth loved and revered old England. Do you remember the juvenile litany : " Speak when you're spoken to, •. Do as you're bid; ' Shut the door aftor you, And you'll never be chid."

And so it is definitely settled that we are to subsidised English (small) fleet of raeihp'-war....lt is.to be hoped that they will be better able to. stand wind and water than are the vessels the Imperial Admiralty are building for Home use. By all accounts those are the most, lamentable old tin-kettles conceivable. In looking through a few recent issues of an.English paper supposed to be peculiarly well posted on naval matters, I find the English ships of war spoken .of in most disrespectful terms. The Minotaur is classified, for instance, as'."obsolete and boiler-worn-out," and it is stated that it .was with tho greatest difficulty she managed to crawl into harbor at the termination of her late cruise. Moreover, I learn that there is " something radically erroneous in the construction of vessels of- the ' Admiral' class. They cost £050,000 eaoh and their hulls roll one way and their superstructures work in another, and nothing short of a positive miracle can make them safe at sea in a gale of wind." The "Valiant" and" Defence" are.termed " worn out"; the " Penelope" an " utter failure from her conception." We are told in another issue of the same paper that tbo gun-vessel « Mc" cost, whon now, £27,588,

and tliat ifc, *' lias taken' ';^': ;resbyrM(in^quandenng^:ublici funds;:-;|-";-:on 'similar; flattenu^^ tlmmberlandfis solete*,' and .was: unable 'to!- J hour's run; owing' to - collapse'^of:;®? ■macliitiery;;J"£Bo,oo()' lias! : beenssnt?|f£ in ',' tinkering this useless duuimy^- : If ?|a: cbuErfill criptipns of the fleet; 1 of Hhat Countryi'g?"': thaiis-supposed ; Jingoes) Ho rule':,:S ; i tlie seas, but -will conclude: wjtl^he\ "followingpars:—:'•■ : .. ..', ■ .'-.;.i-i- '?■'?■ • ;:• "After the alarming;inroads,-tplhe/■■;'' ■'■ tuh.e of aMliibii and a half of ihoneyi;:/- - which -bur- armor-beltecti(?) ';cruisera-,;v' have made into tlie tax-payers' pockets,'? % : . surely will; ■ rise ■. to the lips -of the ■ taV-payer on'"..: ■hearing of their wretched iailure^whbn; ; put upon -their, trial paces* The" i '-:Nai£ cissns" is" the /latest' example.■•' : The"). :';•'. country will sbon'be'findiiig'oiit .tlie Sfc shallowness. ofs the- pretence- to .add- J these five unfortunates to our active'' -," fleet this year."- " ■ . ■•-'■ "-. " In fact we live in' a perfebt rookery of blunders, failures,, and; mishaps.' One oftheseiiavaliookß.tho 'Buzzard,' - -.; has already had three unsatisfactory. : trials of flight with her iron pinions,': and the results'were most aissappbivTi,; > ■ ting. She- is fairly entitled tbflp ■' : .; definition; of being a sluggish sad; rapacious bird, : easing the'.taxpaj'ers- . pockets of, £70,000;? and beiiig'as : too lazy to move withoutbreaking '..<■. down .. ." •-..,-'.. ■":■■ ''•' ; ■ ;

So unbupyaut are our fleet oTsecond--torpedo-boats, and so many gross ■ imperfections abound in. their wafer-, like shells, that'the; Admiralty have ■-, decided to supersede .these perilous ■-■" absurdities by safer craft," '-'■•'•'"

And so on, ad infinitum, ' Yet not- 1 ' withstanding the notorious messes the English \dmiralty perpetually make's in the construction of ships; and notwithstanding New Zealand's poverty, the martial Atkinson, who is a.Colonial Jingo to his boots, is determined this country shall pay the interest on and maintain a few of- these bungles' . in iron, True thego'od'man' does know a maindeck from a marlines-. F spike, and true also that England, instead of constructing especially for : Australasia, will foist upon ihe colonies some of her own misfitsJKt what cares the Major ? If, whence ships come out, Atkinson can only raise and command a corps, of horse marines to work in unison with the • Imperial blue-jackets, he will happy. He has had just enough of . the" glory" of bushwhacking to make him mad for more of' it. .He is spoiling for a fight of some sort, and,- if he is not speedily checked, will drag this country into some scrummage before .long. Vogel is every whit as much a Jingo as the Major, and I respectfully suggest that these two fight it out and get rid of their warlike gore. Vogel can fight in his go-cart, armed with a crutch, while Atkinson might mount a rocking-horse with the' mace for a lance—the Speaker to be umpire, and his decision to be final. I'll lay odds.'" on Yogel. , .

The truth is, England'has. lately played a very artful game: with Ardvjv to these Colonies. She has couipltfjly. s& altered her . Colonial* policy. • As <| r Froude says in" Oceaim," the inten- ' tion of English statesmen, a few yearsago, was to shake the Colonies off at'" the first opportunity. "Itis no use,",'"', said anemiuent Colonial Office Secretary to Mr Froude, when he once. ; remonstated," to speak about it any. longer. The thing is done; The great colonies are gone. It is hut a question of a year or two." But they have changed all that. Radical sentiment has made immense strides in England of late years; jingoism—the love of fighting, smashing, and conquest— has comparatively declined, and those governing classes, who. govern merely by aid of what is called a "spiritedforeign policy," desire to acclimatize the jingo spirit in these colonies, to awaken the "love of glory" amongst a people who have no experience of the cost of glory, and plenty of money to spend in its supposed, achievement. The Sydney Soudan contingent opened the eyes'of.., these statesmen to the fact that'iife ' was an England outside 'Britain, qffte disposed to go on the war even if Britons themselves were. full up of glory. _ I think, however, the*; Colonial officials misunderstand these Colonics as much in this as in other matters. They mistake tho ravings. of a few Colonial swashbucklers and toadies for tho sentiments of a whole people.'and suppose that because a Mr Dalley, a Kobert Stout, or a Major Atkinson are eager' to show their loyalty by permitting throats—the tliroats.of others—to be cut, that the. entire population of the Australasias are pining to go into the wizen cutting trade, But this misapprehension of the English officials is the raisoh dklre of the subsidised fleet farce, the fortifications farce, and other similar humbugs, including the invitation froin '. ' Australia to England's one General—; ; Garnet Wolseley—to advise on defence They should now invite the Duke • of • Caiiibridge to New Zealand to pJtise' on'buttons. Bah i : ''~ ■>■:"'- .■-*-•

I By the way, appropos to nothing inparticular, I have just been re-reading two excellent, works, which I would & strongly, recommend to the perusal of-If any of my readers who have not seen : * them. The books in question are (!) Edwin Arnold's Light of Asia, and (2) Mrs Olipliants Literary History -of England, 1800-1825. Of course neither are new books, but there are cheap reprints of both just now in the mk market, and sometimes lovers of liter- . ature, stuck jiway in back settlements • a're glad to hear of a good book.-" I-■ - may perhaps mention-for the information of those whose sole meiitat pabulum is'. " yaller backs "that - neither of the works named is a novel, but in the story of " The Great Be- - nuiiciatioii," as told by Mr Arnold the reader will be entranced by the wojjlk- - ful beauty, pathos and poetry {ole tale, and Mrs Oliphaiit's sketches'.of literary men are'better.than tons of yallor blood and thunder dreadfuls.

Another New Year upon us. How tpofljo/B! I do not claiw tbat lapt

as anentirely original reflection. The New Yoar lias its useful points however. It is a splendid epoch in which to make gaudy new.resolutions. It is the season of splendid promises of what are too frequently, ultimately pfatrious performances. It is a $aO)lo opportunity to put down nuisances for one thing and I earnestly hopanfrhat those responsible for this city's governance will ere the New Year's eve of 1889 make up their minds to put down one atrocious nuisance—the New Year'scve larrikin. It is the practice in this city of the blest for the cheerful larrikin (adult and otherwise) to parade the streets with the female of his species on.the New Year's eve and morn, niakiug hideous and discordant brayings, bursting into gardens, picking flowers, painting doors, and occasionally'smashing windows, and all the

time discoursing in that chaste and elegant manner which makes the New f Zealand rough the most beastly of his kind. These gentlemen parade the streets in gangs, and the gentlemen in blue, like the Levite, look the other way. There is no sleep to be obtained up to 5 or 6 a.m. This may be a

small matter to those in good health,

but it is a really dreadful matter for the nervous, the weakly, or the. invalid. A friend of mine, wigs wife was in a very bad st™ of .health, was aroused by a parcel of these idiotic hoodlums prancing in.at his garden gate, and he went out to them, with rage in his heart, a fairy-like costume, and a bulldog loaded. " Would you have used it?" I asked. "Yes, by thunder, I would, if they hadn't cleared," he said. And I trust, therefore, that our energetic detectives, who are always distinguishing themselves by arresting desperate burglars, will skirmish around in 3G2 days from now, and stop this lunacy. But I will remind them of this-mate further on.