PARLIAMENTARY SKETCHES

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume IX, Issue 2776, 16 December 1887, Page 2

PARLIAMENTARY SKETCHES

Our Wellington: Watchman. [Continued.] To this keynote most of the Oppositionists pitched their melodies. Fish, who true to his name comes up to blow every half hour, commenced, when Vogel was finished, to talk of his (Fish's) "honor." The conduct of members in voting against, and then obediently for the measure, "shocked " Fish--quite shocked him. When Mr Fish is suffering from outraged virtue of any sort—and his virtue is frequently outraged in,that sinful house—he is very fine, At such times he reminds me of several classical characters whose names I have forgotten.

Mr Fitzherbert of the Hutt spoke, This was probably the cause of the earthquake felt in the Wairarapa district. It is fortunate that Mr Hutt Fitzherbert seldom speaks, because such is the terrible majesty of his aspect on these occasions that nature itself shudders thereat. Wellington theologians are divided in opinion as to whether Hutt Fitzherbert created the Deity, or whether the Deity created Hutt Fitzherbert.' Mr Fitzhimself, however, entertains, no manner of doubt on the subject. Ido not profess to know exactly what this young gentleman spoke about; it is possible he hardly knew himself, for persons of a consequence so important as Mr Fitzherbert need not trouble about such vulgar matters as commonsense. He spoke; That was sufficient. We know that there are beings of a certain order that rush in where angels fear to tread. Jt is not surprising therefore that Mr Sydenham Taylor actually ventured to—to chaff the, Fitzherbert. That was when the earthquake happened. Having brushed the insectivorous Taylor away, the lordly Fitz—the irreverent call him Fits-turned his buff waistcoat and blighting glances towards the Premier, who was reading. "The Premier, Sir," said Lord Fits," is the most discourteous Premier I ever knew." After he had rated the unfortunate Major for some time, it suddenly dawned on that warrior that someone was possibly alluding to him, and he slightly altered his position which had been that of an Egyption mummy in a fine state of preservation. After a further interval it was borne in upon Major A. that certainly someone was talking about him, and slowly he released one leg from its cerements, and dropped it from the bench to the floor. Fits, was as indignant and thunderous as great Jove-if Jove ever looked like a sucking solloitor poured in another broadside of reprimand, and the Premier commenced to have a glimmering suspicion that not only was some one talking about him, but talking in a strain hardly complimentary. Down came another leg with a tab Then it was revealed to Major Atkinson that a young person of the name of Fitzherbert was abusing him. ,For one brief instant the Premier came to life, like a galvanised corpse. He moved round, he looked for one short second full at the spluttering youth. 'Twas thus the calm benignant giants gazed at Gulliver. Then, satisfied with the scrutiny of the Mannikin of the Hutt, Atkinson, once more ceiled his grave clothes around him, and decently arranged his limbs on his leather sarcophagus. Fits faltered, blushed, and subsided into that almighty nothingness whence let us trust, lie may never again emerge to attack full-grown men.

Friday afternoon. On the proposal to give Saturday to the Otago Central, and Kamo Kawakawa Railways, Sir George Grey fell into his most melodramatic mood, and accused the Premier—just now the best abused man in New Zealand—of being the " Captain of a Great Banditti." To see Sir George in one of these humors, and to hear him talk about crushing—ker-rushing he calls it—recalls memories of the transpontine theatres in the good old palmy days, when blood and thunder were more highly appreciated than they are now, Sir George informs us in a terrible stage whisper that" The. Premier hates me—he h-a-a-a-tes me!" What a wonderful voice the dear, old gentleman has got, what timbre and penetrative power it has I What a a pity Sir George does not sometime remember, that the dividing line bqtween "UatVios and' pathos is remarkably narrow.

The Bfemifir made a statement with regard tq the course of public business from which it was evident that a Herodian massacre was oontemplaled, and that the Government would force business at the bayonet point, A kind sf desultory conversation ensued. Dr. Newman pled hard for a Bill relating to the Wellington High School, and naturally the Auckland members pled hard for their ditto. This brought up several lengths of Major Steward—he never rises all together, because the roof does not admit of the process-lie, eager and with outstretched arm, declared that somehow " Members always did suppose their own Bills the' most important. Now, his Bill really was the most important, fa., &p." filqobie Mackenzie had no Bill of his own,-but a more than paternal regard for Sir G. Grey's Pair Rent Bill. Taylor asked the Premier to hindicate the course, of Gqyqp^nji' busing Major i said, lie jiad just clone so,'. "Very iyeji', "Idpippi} nqnjj' of these -pre. liqx-1 traneousinatters will bebroughthinV' Sir J. Vogel was at a loss to know how the Government would carry out in ten days, vfork, sufficient for- a. heavy session, moreover- of retrenchment, which had been promised ad mmeam, the House had yet seen nothing.

On Monday afternoon the House resumed discussion on the. Land Act Amendment Bill, and the discussion may Jive, in.Haprd, but shall not be embalmed in these, more than -sacred

pages. Mr W. 0. Smith spoke, as did Messrs Kerr, Hodginson, and Tanner —tlie latter with his .mouth full of .prunes and prisms—and in fact most of the Heavy Fathers of the House had something to say. Mr Hutchison, from Wanganui, victorious, is now clad in a smile perfectly, cavernous, aud glistens with a dazzling lustre the result, ot the radiant benignity of virtue triumphant.

Tuesday saw a renewal of the Land Act Amendment Bill discussion, several Bills having previously been advanced a stage or otherwise disposed of.- Sir Julius has decided not to follow up his threatened. motion regarding the Speaker, oblivious of the fact that he who threatens is foolish, but he who threatens aud does not perform is contemptible. However the scandal, though not dead, sleeps. R.I.P.

Mr Samuel has discovered—he is a born discoverer—that six of the Legislative Councillors have forfeited their seats through being absent two whole sessions without leave-Messrs Pharazyn, Oliver, W&terhouse, Holmes, Menzies, and Pollen. This is very sad. I should now advise the whole Upper Chamber to absent themselves, and to continue absent—they will never be missed.