THE GRAND PROTECTION COROR PATENT POLITICAL MEDICINES.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume IX, Issue 2657, 26 July 1887, Page 2

THE GRAND PROTECTION COROR PATENT POLITICAL MEDICINES.

. , ■ -flHi»i~» ... . " (to the Editor.) Sir,— Knowing the"interest your readers talio in the subjects of Land Nationalization and Protection;' I venture to eeikl .you; tlxe. .fallowing extracts from a speech'titterly delivered by a new; political empiric Puff.Proteetien Awh Ogg.-^IS.,A.S.S. —whoso utterances have lately been ■ causing con'siderable amusement, 1 Hie "learned" Professor spoke somewhat as follows:—Ladies arid.Clentrejnen,, My name is Professor Puff Protection' Awlr Ogg, E.S,\A.S.S„ &., io., physician to those" groat and mighty potentates Eeuall-Curiall,. and Han Khan Meredith, • pf LlaiidaflV. Emper-; ore of all" the Wairara'pas.',' I.was converted to Christianity—ldtelyV I came to this here country, which'may be reckoned the greatest blessing that ever 'happened-to : Zew Nekid, for I've brought .with' ine the following unparalleled, inestimable, and never- .. to-.be-matched political medicines.: the first-is called the great Stout-B'allance -Henry--G eorgeo --Lan—Dnati-Oriali-4—Zation cordial—one drop of which poured into any. of.:your • ears, if you should have had"""thc -nliafof tiuiQ -to ; lbse yoitl-brains, will give you' the , right to another man's land, to-mor-row, without the trouble., of." cither paying for-it, or working for -it; .and if any.lady should happen to be troubled- with' that unpleasant and redmulaiitoxuboraiicc called a beard, it. will-remove it in throo-applicatlons, and put'her, into Parliament quicker than-she-could fill "her best baby's feeding..bottle,' Ladies k Gentleman", I ..beg to state that I may not .be no particular scholar/} neither a.lioratoivbut this 'ere bottle, which I' 'olds in my 'and, is called the great elliptical—as-:. .siatical— Lpdaffian— E'enallcurial—protection cordial, which euros all the' diseases incidental to humanity. I don't liko to talk of myself, ladies and gentlemen, because the man who talks about himself is a.Hegotist. ;,but. this I will venture to saj-j •that.lamnot only the 'greatest. editor, physician, arid politico-philosopher of theage, but the greatest genius that ever illuminated niaiuYmd—but you-know I don't Jike to t'alif "."of myse'if; you' 'should only read. one or -two of-my. lists- of cures, out-of the many thousands I have by me, written, printed, and published by-myself; if you knew, the benefits so many people have received from my grand-elliptical—-assjatical— pfotection cordial, that cures all the': .political disGases-incideiital to human•■• ity.'none of you would '■ be such fools as to "work at all. Til just read one or two, , ;...-. -. '. (The Professor read several lellm). ■• "Sir,—l was tanned to death in Mows Harvey.and.and.Sons:tannery; cured with ouo bottle, and-'jio'w all the British'-manufactures-have-'sold out, packed up,' and travelled'to.'.this Colony, and are' employed by me. Sir;.—l was boiled to death in Messrs Wilton's Kuripuiri soap; and candle factory ; took half a bottln of ;| your Protection cordial,' and now boil my.'-, own soap, and all the skilled artisans of Great Britain and their families work for me," ' ..•: Now, ladies and gentlemen, comes the most wonderful of all; 1 Sir—Venturing too near the Star bunkum and balderdash mill, at Masterton, 1 was first howled to. death by Star boys, and then, by, a .'.sudden explosion •of editorial vernacular,'blown into a million of atoms; by this unpleasant accident I was rendered unfit 'for my business (a billiard marker) but hearing of your grand Vrelliptical-assiatical-Landaffian Re- ■ riallcurial—protection cordial, that .cures all diseases incidental to humanity, I was persuadod to make'essay thereof; the firufc bottle united my strayed particles,. tho second animated my shattered frame; the third mado moa radical cure; the fourth sent me to Wairarapa South to sing the praises- of Professor Puff Protection'Awh Ogg, E.S. A.S.S. &c, &c, and recount tho wontlqrful effects of his rand—elliptical—assiatica'l Landaffian •Renallcurial—Protection cordial," • Hoping, at future ..date to further report the Professor's utterances. : -. . I am, &c, .-: XXX.