A POLICE-CONSTABLE'S DILEMMA.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume VIII, Issue 2385, 28 August 1886, Page 1 (Supplement)

A POLICE-CONSTABLE'S DILEMMA.

" A fine night, sir," was tho salutation of the policeman, as his measured tramp suddenly stopped. "It is indeed; you will hardly object to duty in weather like this." "No," said he, "but this is the exception. It's only a week or two since there was a thunderstorm that wet me.througb and through in less than two minutes. You must have 'eard it, qir. It was the worst I've seen since seventy thousand pounds worth of.glass;. was smashed at Kew Gardens seven years .ago', andl think this one beat even' that for rain. All things considered a policeman's life' is not a happy one." " There is a-good deal to. put up with in every walk of life. What- is it that you find so particularly unpleasant in yours f " Ob, 'eaps upon 'eaps of things that it would do meno 1 good to grumble about, not but what I'd rather be here than in the City. It's all right in the day time, when there's plenty .stirring, but at night it's as' deserted as a city of dead." .

. "Well, you are not,always on duty, like firemen, I observed. "They work sixteen; hours a day,' 1 and are liable to fie called Upon during the remaining:eight." • " Yes, poor beggars," he said, " and by the side of that, nigger slavery's luxurious ease. But eight hours at a stretch is enough on a rough night when you've nothing to do but keep yoursel

a-moving on. You might sometiifjjf do a pretty brisk bit of business'among; the drunks, but it doesn't pay to take too much n6tice of everything you see. I'd always rather 'elp a man'ome than iock 'im up. ' Kind-'earted,' well it isn't quite that, The fact is, if yoij run a man in' at night you've got to; give evidence against'im in the morning, and that means extra work without any extra pay. The consequence ip, if a man can get drunk respectably without being obsterperous, he won't meet with muoh interference outside 'is front door—and family jars is private property till it gets to assault. ' Then we're hound to act." ' .

" You will find day duty morelively as a rule, I.shoiild imagine—which: do you prefer . " We'll, really I don't know," was the answer. "Day. duty is more preferable for many things, but-' there are objections. When you're on at night you go straightaway at it; from ten ti|l six, and then vou'vb finished; but there are two' day shifts, and' so your duty's split up, with a four hour's rest hi,; Between. Of course there'smore ,to do in the day time as a general thing, but most of the adventures that is worth calling adventures como at night."

" You must have met with a good many, in.the course of your career, and I should like to hear one or two, if I am not too curious. Whatiis the strangest affair in your experience, can you remember 1"' .. ''Reuietnher 1" lie echoed; "I should jußt think I could. I am not likely to forget that in a 'itrry— why I believe it was the curiousest piece of business that over 'ap|«ned to a member of the force I"

■ " Can you not tell me the story ]!' I suggested. " 'You have mado me quite anxious to hear it."

" Well," said he, " I don't see why I should object,; since it's so long since it occurred, tho'it ain't altogether in my favor. Well, a good many years ago I was on duty in one of the suburbs 'ere, which, 'owanmever, it was not. Never mind where it was— I got appointed to another division soon afterwards. You soon get shifted if you commit yourself. 'Ow? Bless you, in 'undreds of ways I My partikeiav commitment was a yoiing woman—no, not a cook—an 'ousnmaid, - who 'as been my wife a good deal longer than any oue would think to look at her, or than she'd we-to tell.

, "There, 'ad been a good many burglaries in the district just about that time, and we—by which I! mean the authorities—'ad reason to believe that they 'were the work of one man, and 'im anything but a 'prentice, und. of course we were all told to keep a hextry sharp look-out. So we did—at least I did, for'l 'ad a heye and a hear for anything, but nothing ever 'appened upon my beat. Others were not se lucky, and got finely 'auled over the coals, I can assure you, in consequence.

" It was just about midsummer, aud a beautiful night-just another as this, excep' that there was no moon—when as I was parsing a street of semidetached 'ouses, I noticed a door standing partly open. I was walking up the garden path to see 'ow it was, when it was flung back, and two men appeared, both struggling ahd clutching at each other and hollering ' Perlica.' I was there in a second, and before they knew what 'ad happened, I'd pushed up the steps and pushed them botii back into the 'all,

" Then they began. 'Orficer,' says both together,' I give thiß man into, custody for burglary,' and both went' at it accusing the other as fast he could lay his tongue to it, I y was a bit flummuxed, -So I didn't do anything until they both stopped for want of breath,-and then I said, 'Now, 'spose we step into the dining room, and you tell me one at a time what it's all about.' ' About,' says both simultaneous, ' why this villin's broke into my 'ouse,'and they started again as 'ard as ever.

" I got them in to the room whilst they was still a hargufying at one another, 'ammer and tongs, and took a good look at them, Both looked like gentlemen and Bpoke as such. Both wore good clothes and both was fully dressed, except the one who had no boots on. He WBB clean shaved but the other hud a mnstarch and a pair of bushy dark-brown wiskors. I kep' quiet again until they stopb as before from want of breath, and then I says, 'Really gents—for I didn't then believe that it was a burglary; I thought it was only a quarrel between them—'really gents' I Buys,' 1 .cannot understand you if you both speak at once in'that way. Be reasonable, gentlemen, and speak in turns.'

- "'You are right, officer,' says 'im what was clean shaved,' and. as I don't want to take an unfair advantage - of this fellow, though ha is a villain—be quiet sir for one moment,' be says to the other, who was breaking in again —■as I wish to deal fairly with 'im, we will toss for the first turn if 'e will agree,' : '! But the other would not 'ear of it.' ' I will do nothing of the. kind,' he says 'ptly,' Orficer, do your duty, ' I give this scoundrel into custody for burglary.' 4 And I return the compliment, ' so, orficer', he add smiling, 'you 'ad better take «s

."Wasn't I.in a predicament, sir? J siniply didn't know'wh'at to do, so 1 1 says to the whiskered gent,,'l can't tell which to believe until I .'ear your stories, and if you won't tell them I shall hare to arrest you both, I really

*d| thinky 'ytot f" I'l L' ; p,oi;b J vy o iKrifeiVoVl don't dt. more and tailless,"' Do your' duty at once,"e says, 'and take 'im into ciis * tody,'; ' •

"Thenl'ada 'appy thought. Why not 'ave evidence of, identification from -rtpiitSi'w ' Where lire thei; other in-, mates ot this 'ousel' I inquired. This set them off again.. ' There" are none,' says both with one voice,' the family is at the seaside, and the caretaker 'as taken 'erself orf.' It was really most singular, and the puzzle became , greater every moment. : "The. whiskered gent seemed a'bit eggsorsted after the last bout, and the other, 'im that was clean-shaved and who was very pleasant-spoken, says, ' As that fellow won't be reasonable I will speak. I was. sitting up a-burning of the midnight hoil,' he says, 'when I'eard, a noise in the drawing.rpom. wlierol ,'ad not been since just after dinner, when, singular enough, Ltoot my bopts orf there. No, hexcuse me,' 'e'says to the man with the whiskers, who was breaking in, 'I 'ave only a word or two more, then it will be your turn, and I promise not to interrupt. I thought, it was the caretaker,—'e continues, resuming his story, 'my wife and children, are away—who 'ad asked to go out for ah hour, but 'ad heen away four or five, and I went to see what she'ad to say for 'erself, and fotiud this fellow bundling things together. 1 seized 'im in spite of'is struggles until your prompt, arrival. Now,' says 'e, 'you know as much as I do.'

" I 'av given you 'is story pretty straight, sir, but it was different as I 'eard it, for the other man made "caps of interruptions. They 'ad left 'old of each other by now, but 'e made a rush at the clean-shaven gent as 'e finished 'is story, and I made a grab at 'is shouldei to stop 'im. I missed it, but I caught one of 'is whiskers, and, to 'orror, the 'ole of the 'air came orf of 'is face and left, it as bare as the other's.' Thatatttled it. "Will you come with nief': rays I. "Will you come quiet or must 1 use force 1" " Let me explain," said he, " I—" "No explanation is needed," I replied, ''and it is my duty to caution you that 'whatever you do say may be used in evidence against you.', Ob, 'ow 'e swore, but I'd got the 'ancuffs on by that. 'You stupid fool,' says 'e, 1 1 tell you J am the master'of this 'ouse. I've been acting in some, private theatricals, and come 'ouio to find the caretaker gone aud that scoundrel •'ero.' The clean-shaven gent—the first I mean—laughed quite pleasant. 'Well,' says 'e, 'you are impudent an' no mistake, but I!ll givo you credit tor a ready wit.' ' Orficei,' 'e says to me,' I'll just put on my boots and get the things that this' burglar 'ad collected, and then I'll come to the percile station with you, I wou't be more than a minute,' and'e went across the 'all into the droring-room. " My prisoner was almost speechless with rage, and for a little he struggled fearful, calling me all the time everything uncomplimentary he could think of. "' You blanked dunder'ed/ he yelfed, 'you've let the villian go,' and then he rolled out another string of abuso. and wreßtled aud swore till it took me all I knew to 'old 'im, and I was afraid he'd'ave a fit, 'We shall want 'elp to get 'im to the station,' says the gent coming back from the drawing room with his boots on and a bundle in 'is 'and; 'l'll just run out and fetch another constable,' and -orf he went, 'My prisoner rntfde just one more tremendous effort and then he gave in. ' It's no use,' he says, 'you're too big a fool tor anything. Come, let's get to the station as soon as possible, The inspector knows me at any rate.' I was surprised at 'im saying so, but I was too pleased with my capture to think qf much else,, for I felt certain I'd got the famous burglar, and guessed it would mean promotion. So as he gave no further trouble I didu't mind 'ow 'ot he made the pace, and I should fanoy no prisoner ever went to a policestation at a faster run,

'' I'was not sorry to see the Inspector at the door as we entered, for I 'ad not expeoted that 'e would be there, not being on duty—'e 'ad come on, urgent business of some kind-and I was proud to see his look of amazement as I brought in my man. 'Whatever's tho charge against Mr'—call 'im, Jones, sir'—eays o', ' Burgulary,' L replied, ' at so-and-so,' giving , the address, ' You benighted hidiot,' roared the Ispector, '.why 'e lives there I" and my 'ed swum, for I could see it as plain as a pikestaff—l 'ad brought the wrong mau 1

' Mr Jones 'ad come back to town for the evening to take part in some pti•nte theatricals, as/e said.. . When, 'e got 'ome V found the clean-shaven gent in the .droring-room, instead.of toe clean-shaven gent finding 'im—in fact the 'old affair was vicey-versey to what J 'ad though.. But I put it to'you, sir —wasn't the falsb muatarch and whiskers evidence presumptive, and with the other ao comparatively cool and pleasant spoken; too?" "It was an awkward predicament/ I replied "and; your mistake seems' almost' excusable, under the circumstances." " That's just- what Mr,, Wil-Jone? said," returned the, officer.,, " fie pe'aved reely .'ansome in the matter.-and smoothed it for me at ..'edquarters, pointing but that the other 1 fellow had' been so quiet Whilst Vd been too eggsited to exaplain, and laying special.!

importance on the misleading effect of the false 'air. I Imve Hlways been grateful to him since, in spite of the abuse he gave me at the time—l forgave him that freely.. Why he even offered me a trifling hontiyrarian, ; for what he called my 'blundering honesty' but of course I could'nt accept it en those terms."

■" And- how about the buiglarj" asked. •

" Oh he's doing time now," was the answer, "He was caught 'red-handed, notwithstanding his sharpness, but he made a desperate struggle-of it, After he .was sentenced--he joined-'. up,' and told me all about the little affairhow he got the - caretaker out of the way by a bogus message about an acci dent to her brother at the other sido of the town, and was surprised in the middle of his work by the masters return, and how he was just getting away when I turned up. They tell me 'o nearly split 'is sides with larfter in telling the part of the tale I've been telling you. I can Jarf at it now myself but I couldn't then, sor it might 'av been an nncrtmmon serious thing for me. But, serious or amusing, 1 think you'll own that a curiouser experience p'raps never 'appened to a orficer,"-'-C, A, W.