TIT BITS.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume VIII, Issue 2243, 13 March 1886, Page 2

TIT BITS.

Lord Byron gives this account of n party with Sheridan: —lt vat first silent; then talky, then argumentative, then disputatjups, then unintelligible, altpgathpry, thpi) Inarticulately, thei| drunk.' "■ l '" ' :> i A neir reason for matrimony,—An old toper whs ovurlieiird the other day advising ayounf man to get married, " because then, my boy, you'll have somebody to pull off your boots when you uo home drunk." In the examination of an Irish case, for assault arid battery,' counsel, on crossexamining one of the witnesses, asked hiin what they had at'the first'place they stopped? He answered, '.'Four glasses of Ale." " jV'hnt rie4 ? l '-"irwo glasses' of wine.! ">hat next?"—". One glass of brandy/! \jl t

A drunkard's iioae is said to be "a lighthouse, warning ua of the little' water that passes underneath," W ; V:i Married, on Thursday, thefiSrd iijifi by the Rev. Clay Boulder, Mr Andrlrf Horn to Miss Julia Parker, Prefildelit df' the Young Mies' Temperarice Society, Fair Julia lived a temperate iaald, ' '''■ ». •, breached temperance ditties night' 1 and morn; ■ ■ But still her wicked neighbors said- • She broke her pledge and took A, Horn, •••>•■ " 1 shay—my man," hiccuped mi elevated civic dignitary >of Edinburgh, as he omerged from the Fleshmarket Close, and ■ observed the illuminated dial of the Troa Church, addressing a sour milkman who had dismounted from his cart; "I- elmy, can you tell me if that is the sun or the moon?" "lcouldnasay, sir," was th« simple reply, "1 dinna belang to this pairt."

A correspondent of the Brattlebourgh Eagie tells the following story of a witness upon a liquor trial" How do you knowit was brandy?" asked tho lawyer. " Well," replied the ready witness, "I smelled of it first, and then I welcomed about a glass of it," Tho unexpected, verb wholly upset .the gravity of tW! court, jury, and miscellaneous people; and they were not at all assisted in recovering their equanimity by his further testimony that the man who bought, the brandy drank of it himself till ho waii quite salubrious." .. ~ Dr George Fordyco contended, that |g one meal a-day was enough for a lion, * ought to suffice for a man Accordingly, for more than twenty years, the Doctor used to eat only a dinner in tho whole course of a day. This solitary meal h» took regularly at 4 o'clock, at Dolly'f Chop House. A pound and a half of rump stake, half a boiled chicken, a plat* of fish, a bottle of port, a quarter of • pint of brandy, and a tankard of strong ale, satisfied the doctor's moderate - wants till four o'clock next day, and regularly engaged one hour and a half of his time. Dinner over, he returned to his home in Essex street, Strand, to deliver his 6 o'clock lecture on anatomy and chemisty, , A gentleman made the following return to the Income Tax Commissioners"For the last three years my income has been something under £150; in future it will be more precarious, as the man is dead of' whom I borrowed tho money.