MATINEE.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume VII, Issue 2126, 22 October 1885, Page 2

MATINEE.

A performance was given yesterday afternoon in a Theatre not 100 miles from the Wairarapa, The piece was a farce—- " The only Jones; or tho Blessed Confederates." Admission was by invitation, and that only to persons of the greatest credit, Promptly at 4 o'clock the doors were opened and those interested flocked in and took their seats on tho stage on comfortable chairs, that were ranged in a semicircle in front of a small table covered with files and papers neatly docketed, alongside of which was a handsome, cretonnecovered easy chair. To this chair a curly haired smiling young gentleman was unanimously voted, That the chair would prove to be an easy one was evidently not contemplated by the proposed occupant, for on taking his scat he laid on the table a little instrument called a "persuader," which he had carefully primed and cocked. " Gentlemen," said he, smiling, "not being supplied with a bell, should the necessity arise, I shall proceed to call order with the substitute," and, pulling the trigger, he fired into the space above the heads of the audience, to their no small terror. The performance commenced by the introduction of the two principal characters, who told the tale of early struggles, successes, and failures, and the usual ups and downs incidental to professional men in their line in an agricultural and unappreciative district, They had poured their wealth into their adopted town, and hundreds of pounds, the proceeds of their united talent, had they expended amongst the shopkeepers, but alas I they had met with reverses which rendered them temporarily embarrassed, Just at this time, when the tradespeople had become clamorous, and the ever-changing public had ceased to display that amount of appreciative interest which had been extended to them in tho earlier part of their career, who should drop from the clouds but a real Baronet, or at least a reputed Baronet's son, who to their joy offered to add his wealth to their abilities, and own the concern as a "Triume." He was of handsome exterior, stylishly dressed, business-like in his manner, and had a decided turn for " Hamlet"—also for human calculations. When everything looked brightest, and a tide of prosperity about to flow in, then came the turn. This apparent slice of luck in capturing the Baronet's son, in the end proved their ruin, Fabulous were the sums stated to be whichthebudding Knight had thrown into the business, besides silver and gold watches, and shares in companies. This soon got wind, and the vulgar tradespeople asked diffidently (at first) for a settlement of their accounts, and then pressed for payment with frowns and threats. It was in vain the two young gentlemen asked for time, and explained that the Baronet's son was not a Baronet's son at all, had not given them any jewelrv, and only about £2O in cash, which had been swallowed up in rent. Badgered and bewildered by the vampires, they were at last brought to bay, and calling the whole qf the stony - hearted creditors together, they read them a list ■ of their liabilities amounting to "a century," and flung .their assets, consisting of two shillings 7 in silver and eighteen penny postage stamps, upon the table, and stood before them figuratively naked, . and literally at their mercy, Tears were in the eyes of several of the listeners at ; the termination of this heart-rending . recital, tho drapers pulled out their silk handkerchiefs, the printers their | " cotton wipes," and the tobacconist used his knucles and cuffs to keep down the , rebellious tears, &c. The Chairman . primed his "persuader" looked around ' with an inane smile, impounded the ( assets, and asked some gentleman to move a resolution. They all sat still. Then roso up the younger and darker of the . two sufferers, all eyes were immediately fixed upon him. During this trying 1 ordeal he stood gracefully posed , on his right foot, leaning slightly forward, with his left hand on his 1 hip, and his right thumb in his vest armhole, and- he blushingly and' modestly told of his expectations, Ho would tell them confidentially that he was expecting money; it might be £3OO, it might be £SO, possibly more, possibly less, he ! could not say, He had mentioned it 1 only that very afternoon to the Chairman, (The Chairman corroborated), He : would pay off all in full, only give him time. He resumed his seat amidst 1 murmurs of applause, which were quickly 1 hushed on a movement of the Chairman's left hand to the table. The audience looked at the Chairman, then at tho docu--1 ments, and then at their watches. It ; was tea time. A married man proposed ' that one-fourth of the money should be 1 paid in throe months, another fourth in ' six months, and that they should be let ■ off the rest. This was carried unani- ' mously, and the meeting dispersed in the highest of spirits,