Wit and Wisdom.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 5, Issue 1567, 24 December 1883, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Wisdom.

'""Misery may like sajs a colored philosopher; " but I'd 'ratlior hab-' de' rhumatlz ;ia'oneleg-deriter.hab itlinbof.?':i ■> ;: ; v The mfin-who says ; that a. has never In-' ;vented anything] should listen,for.a moment at . tha:koy7hole of the sewiug society.. ' , , .tell of.'a, ,on,, peeing ~tlte,yacht/Psyche, exclaimeii:' Gosh I Wh(it' a wiiy 'tb'jpur fish!" f ','Dbh't bdat : your, 'carpett'. ! ' , 'Try!kihdnl!ss : and' 'flrmhesjj 'send for them,takeii Up.]' ■:; "Why. is it; that • whenever i you: are; looking ulip ilooi ?;:;lecausp you you find it, , i i 1 .;'tionr ,to Travel j ?'r is tlie title', of a little'. hooV recently published,, Isn't Jt iutoping tjie tjiieijiohf 1 How to got the'money with'which,tij'triiv'4l is' the serious thing.'•'i ].

Mymw i" rmf (had tlid pfolessor-'wliyjHe didrtibt ' come to see him, '- ,<< l' i dld;;go J ."iißaid the i- matheiaatlciftu," ''-but ; theraiwas soMejnistake.l : :iYo.U:told,nie, that you ilivpdiin a,s(juarfy)),ut;,l fopd m;a.paral- : l?lograin; sp il « i,r i n-.!-|-„; ;-V ;

, ...A MEDICAL , 'fin >'a general medical folk are,not ;:be.:jocpse,,,,'li.it;bMau6e„daiiy i ,duty.| i .pomnelß them to look upon sickness and suffering!?. ,' Npw and..then, ; howev(9r t -jome, reekjee?.! practitioner, i&ptleatjf p'ulse/feeling,'; deflqajiuS : a' gufiaw ' from' his 'bretlireni'aiiii has' 'sufficient .ftstuleniiss ,; to know thai',the' measaritest and efislest 'way' of bttahdng'it js : t'o have a little slipper,'' • On'such oceasions'the medioos are'not less ready to tap the jugular vein' than they, lire totap the jugular, : NotloDgsince-tho membors ..York Medical. Club .meeting.atthqresidence qt'.a waggish;member, ..Doctor Painq, ,and, the nofico raq fn,the following .classio„sty i ie 1 :.,, ''.if, SCIMSy: ' ' Dotftorcal Dncnm noxmundl nltu panes -. trltlcum at pit.. j>|.,Sapet ..at (TKNto u.no'pu'i,'himor oliim pktli 'sum parito, 'h'omlae]lies,'jsiii/etei'Sl'deror Hoc!' ' f i "FISTO'KKSONAK FLtfAS SOUS."' !i„: j {ifeii don't 'iff tlie'piiint'd 'the above,' read it ''aloud : to'so'inebody, : ' : ' :: ' , :! :<■

: THE " TUO QUOQUE" WITH A CROW! ~ Severalyoars agotlio,—th Regiment linited States It'eßUlars quartered' at'A—, near ..Niagara Falls. . Among tho privates of that gallant regiment wasß. —, a tall,lank, red-haired 'Vermontcr;;who' was always in somo sctapo or other.' One day he obtained leave to tako'a day's shooting on the Canada side. J: He went early in the morning,:and-looked .about for. game with tveg podr.sucqess. i Lateip tiio afternooalio was slo,wly„,winding ,his ,way ; . ivlien. lie,,saw large crow. ; ' To* giin ani' %re" w(w! the impulse of-a .moment, and iiown 'tumbles the crow'almost at liis feet, ' Now it happened that thd crow' was a tamo oho, and a 1 pet; of General 1 0-^,' .who l 'was ; one of- tho wealthiest labdoff nors in Canada,' and oped the property oa whioh B— stood. And it > also' happened that the General was an unseen-witness.ot„the. death of his. favorite. Enraged at its.lpss, he,'determined ,to, ■woultl.be Hkely to .reinember. „ So coming forward in : a.friendly inanner. he nodded'to B-—, who saluted him in r'eturh,'' ; ' :' fYou've' gof,a flho'gun there," said tho General,' ' ■' 1

V« Yass," said B—-, handing it to the; General ; ,; ' 1 that's just the neatest double-barreled gun around these diggins." ■! i .■•, :... ■ ' ■•ThO' turned the gun round and examined it carefully, then putting-, tho barrel that was 6tilUoa(ied,ut,full coclfito his shoulder, and pointing.itatß—r-,said,.' , • YoU'have wilfully shot the greatest favorite 1 .liad, antlliow.yow'»(?jotio ,v ' ' B-- explained, iind ; begged and' prayed, but to'n'o purpose; the .General was unmoved by Ills entreaties, and told him lie must eat it or die. B—-once more turned his eyeis piteouslv. toward ' the';Goneral, but the cold, wicked oyo glancing aloug;tbe gun-barrel convinced' him (as ho afterward said) that there, was-fire ,in it. So.with.a groan ,he picked,,up',the crow, -and ; shutting his eyos .coijinpccd. his .dijagreenblo meal, worried down three or four nioiithfuls and then stopped,' unable to eat more,of tlie dis.gusting fearrioii'; ' and : tho'''General thinking that he had gorio far enough, told .him that woUld do; hnd after advising him ; to be 1 more'eareful in future What lie shot, handed him' his gun and. told him ho could go.' 1 As soon as B—-got his gun in his-hands he turned fiercely upontlio General, and said, • ...... ; . ■''.lt's my turn now!, You may oat tho remainder of the crow,',' : .In,vain tho .General,stamped, and. swore, and finally prayed,to be let off.. 13— was as firm as ho himself'had been a ;few minutes before. Nothing would satisfy tho enraged soldier but that the General should ent the whole of what was'left, and which lie had to do bofore Bletliim off, ' 1 ■ ' ' : 1 'The next day the General went to ;B—'s ■ Colonel, and complained that he bad been grossly insulted by ono of his soldiers the day previous. ■Th? Colonel inquired what qnci ; ■.'"iPy," .said the, General.ho was a tall, lean, jll-faijored fellow, yitlired'hair!"' " ".Ha!" said.'the Colonel, "I know liiih; ho is always in some scrape,'' Orderly, bring -ft — hero'immediately."' , In afewinomentj the orderly returned, bringing B—, who was wondering what scrapo ne wasinnow. ' - -;" B--," said the Colonol, do you know this ■gentleman'?"-., !<•■ v...... ." What! me?" said B—; —, looking as amazed as.possible, ~ , •' ' ' ''Yes," jSaid the Colonel; ."do you- know him?" ""' '" I '. ' 11 "Yes, wo are slightly acquainted," said B: The General could hold in no longer; but bursting into a hearty laugh ho told the Colonel to let him go, as heheartiiy forgave him,