PA'S PATENT GATE.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 5, Issue 1496, 29 September 1883, Page 4

PA'S PATENT GATE.

A pale-faced -anxious-looking man, who looks as though he supped with sorrow every week, lives out on North Hill with his wife and seven lovely j blooming daughters. He has, with all j there seven lovely 'daughters, only one front gate, and thai is what makes him pule. ■ Last'summer ho spent 217 dollars that front gate, putting in new on"s, and experimenting with various kinds of hinges; and after all that 'the gate swung all through the winter on'a leather strap and a piece of clothes-line, and there was peace in tliii household, and tho man grew fat. But, when the April days were nigh, it soon became apparent to the man that his troubles wero at hand, and anxiety soon drove the roses from his damask cheeks and robbed his ribs of their substance. He used to climb over the back fenco to avoid calling attention to the disreputable-looking old gate, but his self-denial was of no avail. One evening his eldest daughter Sophronia, said" Pa, that horrible old gate is tho most disgusting tiling in this street. If you can't afford to have it fixed, I'll take it away and put up a style." And Pa only groaned. But an evening or so later hi? youngest daughter camo in and said with considerable warmthPa ! I wish you had that beastly old gate tied to your neck, that's what I wish I" And she dissolved in tears and evaporated upstairs in a misty cloud, while her sisters followed slowly, casting reproachful looks at Pa. And the next evening his third daughter, Azelea, came bouncing into the room about 9.30 p.m., with her gloves in a condition to indicate that slio had been patting gravel, and said with some energy, that if Pa had no feeling other people had, and she wished she was dead, sho did, and she hoped the next time that Pa went out from that hateful old gate he'd fall from Arcli-street to the bridge, so she did. And she broke down and disappeared with a staccato accompaniment of sobs and sniffles. And the next time that Pa went out of that gate he found it prostrate between the two posts, and saw that the fragile strands of the clothes lino had parted under some extra ordinary pressure, and that was what ailed Azelea's gloves, Pa saw there was nothing for it but a new gate, and he ,groaned aloud as he viewed the dreary prospect of furnishing gates to Biipport tho manly forms of the best young men of Burlington for another Bummer. He pondered, and pondered, and pondered, He became the confidant of carpenters, he was often seen showing certain plans and drawing to blacksmiths and cunning workors in iron and steel, And in due time he had a new gato up, a massive gate with great posts, ornamental and substantial and the seven sisters were pleased. They read in tlio little brass-plate that informed them, that a patent was applied for the words "for 130 pounds," but they didn't know what it meant until last ovening. Last evening the weather though sufficiently cool to be bracing, admitted a test of the new gate. A murmur of voices

arose from the vicinity of that popular lovers' retreat, as Soplironia swung idly to and fro on its heavy frame Presently a pain-fated man, \yho li?l( his hand upon his breast to still tlx beating of his heart, as he crouched ir a dark corner of the porch heart Rodolphus say: "But believe me Sohpronia, my own heart's idol between the touches of the rude hant of ti "As lie began the word In leaned forward and bout his weigh upon the gate, and with a sharp clicl a little trap-door in the side of the pos flew open and a gaunt many-jointe( arm of steel, \yith an iron knob' as bii as a Virginia gourd on the end of it flew out, and, with the rapidity o limning, hit Rodolphus two resound ing pelts between the shoulders tha j'. sounded like a bass-drum explosion '•■Oh-li-h gosh," lie roared" I'm stabbei I'm stabbed !" and without waiting ti pick up his hat; he fled, shrieking fo the doctor, while Sophronia rushed inti the house, crying, »p a ] p a ; p a Kodolphus is shot 1" and swooned! Th pale-faced man said pothim/ bo shrank still further back into th jhadow, and thrust his handkerchie into lus mouth to stifle a smile Prett< soon he knew the voice of his dauglite Azalea at the gate saying good niglii Bu a rich manly voice detained hoi and the measured swing of the gate wa again heard in the distance. Soon h jjeard Lorenzo sky, as he made read to climb the gate: "But whatever o sorrow may be our future, dear one, would it might fall upon me "Am just as he lifted his last foot fron the ground the trap opened and th gaunt arm reached out and fell unoi him,with that big knob four times and every time it reached him W< shrieked : "Bleeding heart! 0 mercy .W.Mr,Man! o murder!" Am - be ambled away in tho starlight, wail insofar arnica, Azalea fled wildly t< flflrhome shrieking," Oh, Pa IPaI Pa Somebody is murdering Lorenzo," Am on the porch a pale-faced man thriisi ho nm of btsWt hat into his month o reinforce the handkerchief, and p "f 1 '"to placid content ,;? B°° n ? fi man's fifth danghte, s l ra i a pnrty ' and r|ic too perched on the gate. And ir » moment or two Alphonso said: B"5 my own Miriam, Miriam would 1 could tell you what I feel 1 But he didn't, forj ju t n3 ] IC ] Rnnc( upon the gate the gaunt arm reachec out and felt iron, and knocked hi f breath so far out of him that he couldn't shriek until he had run half a mile from the house, into which Miriam ran screaming that Alphonso had a fit. And the pale-faced man rose up out of the shadow and emptied his mouth, and as he stood under the quiet starlight tok«ig at the C ate, whose powerful "it d»hcate mechanism repelled an P'Tu wfii?ht ovrrnoihs, a look of inelablepwcestoloovcr the pale face a»d the smile that re.N on the quiei foa. tires told that the struggle of a lifetniie was ended in victory; and a gate had be.'ii discovered that could set a t nought the oppression of t1,0u4t1(., s young people.-Burlington Hawkeye

NIiIXIR OHLOKOFORMI COM POSITUS. ' By W. F, McNutt, M.D., L.R.0.P., Ed,, Etc., Etc. • Professor Principles arid Practice bf Medicine, University of California. [Reprinted from ! the Western Lancet for August,] , v . ■, I have been in the habit lor several years of prescribing Collis Browne's clilorodyne in certain'casta of a&tlmia, colic, diarrhea, neuralgia, rheumatism, hysteria, etc. It has seldom failed to be of some benefit, and often acted like a charm; in fact I found it a most excellent and reliable anodyne, antispasmodic and sedative. On account of several objections 1 to its use, I have, after a great deal of experimentation, adopted the following formula as a substitute for clilorodyne, viz: " ■'

ft Morpli. mur... .. . i gr. aitf'i Tiuct caimnb. ind. 1 Tinct, capsici... >of each 20 drops Acid hydrncyan. dil j Spt. month, pip. ... '... 10drops Sjr. snrsap co. ad. ... 1 ounce Tcasj'onnful for doec;

This I have named Elixir Chloroformi Compositus, and can heartily recommend it those who have been in the habit of using clilorodyne,. To those who have never used chlorodyne,! I may say that they will find elix. chlorof. comp. a most efficient remedy for maiiy purposes and under many circumstances ; for instance, in whooping cough, asthma, emphysema, cough |of many phthisical patients, in many cases of hysteria, and especially in many cases of dysmenorrhea, it certainly has no equal. Given as an anodyne, it.seldom jirciduces headache or disturbance of the digestion, as does morphine; or depresses the heart's action, as does hydrate of. chloral. In diarrhea accompanied with' cramping pains and tormina, in teaspoonful doses repeated every two or three hours, it generally acts quickly and satisfactorily. ; In many casesof diarrhea in children. :i few drops of the elixir, together with a few drops of castor oil and vini ipcjac, in syrup of acacia, make a most efficient remedy, The objections to chlorodyno are—1. It is very expensive in this country.

2, It is not a pcrfeot mature, as it separates. 3, It is too concentrated to hp safe for general uso. 4, And, principally, it is a patent medicine, the exact formula for which' unknown,