THE BAD BOY.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 5, Issue 1430, 14 July 1883, Page 4

THE BAD BOY.

+ HIS PA SERENADED. "There, you drop that," said the grocery man-to the bad boy as he came limping into the store and began to fumble around ut box of ulrawburrins. "I have never l-:i"':ed at,your eating my codfish and crackers, and cheese and herrings, and apples, but there has got to be a dividing line somewhere, and 1 mako it at strawberries at six shillings a box. I only bought one box, hoping some plumber or gas man' would ';ome along and buy it, and by gum everybody that has been in the store has sampled a strawberry out of that box, shivered as though it was sour, and gone off without asking the price,' and tho grocery man looked mad, took a hatchet, and knocked in the head' of a barrel of apples, and said, "There help yourself to dried apples," " 0,1 don't want your strawberries or dried apples," said the boy as lie leaned against a show case and looked at a bar of red transparent soap. " I was only trying to fool you. Say, that Boap is old enough to vote. 1 icmcmbee seeing it in the show case when 1 was about a year old, and pa came in hero with me and held me up to the show caße to look at that tin tobacco box and the yellow wooden pocket comb, and the, soap looks just the same only a little faded. If you would wash yourself once in a while your soft]) wouldn't dry up on your hands," and the boy sat down in the chair without any back, feeling that he wns even with the grocery man. " You never mind the soap. It is paid for, and that is more than your father can say about the soap that has been in his house the past month," said the grocery man, as he split up a box to kindle the fire. "But we won't quarrel. What was it I heard about * band serenading your father, and his inviting them in to ' lunch!"' " Don't let that get out, or pa will kill me dead. It was a joke. One of these Bohemian bands that goes about town playing tunes, for pennies, was over on the next street, and I told pa I guessed some of his friends who had heard we had a baby at the house, had hired a band and was coming in a few minutes to serauade him, and he better prepare to make a speech. Pa is proud of being a father at his age, aiid he thought it was no more than right for the neighbors to serenade him, and he went to loading himself for a speech, in the library, and me and my chum went out and told the leader of the band there was a family up there that wanted to have some music, and thev didn't care for expense, so tiny quit blowing where they was and came right along. None of them could understand English but the leader, and ho only understood enough to go in and take a drink when he is invited. My ehum steered the band up to our house and got them to play " Babies on our Block," and ."Baby Mine," and 1 stopped all the men who were going home and told them to wait a minute and they would sec some fun, so when the band got through the second tune, and tho Prussians were emptying the beer out of the horns and pa stepped out on the porch, there was more nor a hundred people in front of the house. You'd a dide to see pa when he put his hand in the breast of his coat, and struck an altitude. He looked like a congress man, or a tramp. The band was scared, cause they thought he was mad, and some of them were going to run, thinking he was going to throw pieces of brick house at them, but my chum and the leader kept them. Then pa sailed in. He commenced,' Fellow Citizens, 1 and then went back to. Adam and Evo, and worked up, to the present day giving a history of. the notable people who had acquired children, and kepi the crowd interested. I felt sorry for pa, cause I knew how he would feel when he came to find out ho had been sold. The Bohemians in the band that couldn't understand English, they looked at each other, and wondred what it was all about, and finally pa wound up by stating that it was every citizen's duty to own children of his own, and then ho invited the band and the crowd in to take refreshments, Well, you ought to have seen that band come in the house, They fell over each other getting in, and the crowd wi-nthome, leaving pa and my chum and me and the band. Eat? Well, I should smile. They just reached for things, and talked Bohemian. Drink ?u,iio.' I guess they didn't pour it down. Pa opened a dozen bottles of champagne, and they fairly bathed in it, as though they had a fire inside. Pa tried to talk with them about the baby, but they could not understand, and finally they <mt full and started out, and the leader asked pa for three dollars, and that broke him up. Pa told the leader he supposed the gentleman who had got up the : serenade had paid' for the music, and the leader pointed to. me and said I was the gentleman who got it up, Pa paid him, but he hud a wicked look in his eye, and me and my chum lit out, and the Bohemians came down the street bilin' full, with their horns on their arms, and thev were talking Bohemian for all that was out. They .stopped in front of a vacant house, and began to play, but you couldn't say what tune it was, they were so full, and policeman came along and drove them home, I guess I will sleep at the livery stable to-night, causo pa is offul unreasonable when anything costs him three dollars, besides the champagne." " Well, you have made a pretty mess of it," said the groceryman. " It's a wonder your pa does not kill you. But what is it I hear about tho trouble at the chmchl Thoy lay that foolishness to you."

' It's all a lie, They lay,everything to me. It was some of the ducks that sing in the choir, • I was just as much surprised as anybody when it occural. You see, our minister is laid up from the effects of the ride on to the car, and an old deacon, who had symptoms of being a •minister in his youth, was invited to take the minister's place, and talk a little. He is an absent minded old party, who don't keep up with the events of the' day, 1 and whoever played it on liim knew that lie was too pious to even read the daily papers, There was a : notice of a choir meeting to be read, and I think the

tenor smuggled in the ""oilier notice, between that-and the one about the weekly prayer ■ meeting. Anyway it wasn't me,ijut';it like to broke up the meeting; After the deacon read, the ohoir. notice ho took up the other one and read' Inm requested to announce that-the Y.M',O. Association will give a friendly entertainment ■with ./soft gloves on Tuesday;.'evening,; to winch all are invited, ■< Brother John Sullivan, the eminent Boston revivalist, will lead Brother Slade, tho'Maori missionary from.AuS-, tralia. : There will bo no slugging, but a collection iwill bp taken at the door to defray expenses.' :i ''' 'Well, T thought the people in church would sink through the ; floor... There was no person in church, except the poor old deacon, but understood that somo wicked wretch had de : ceived him, and I know by the way the tenor tickled the soprano, that he did it. I may bo mean, but every-, thing I do is .innocent, and I wouldn't be as mean as a choir singer for two dollars, I felt real sorry for :the old deacon, but he never knew what : he had done, and I think it"would bo real mean to tell him./ He won't be at tho slugging match. i That remark about taking iip a collection settled the deacon. I must go down to the stable now and help'greoso it ; hack, ao you have to excuse me, If pa- cornea here looking for ine, toll him, 'you \ heard I wns going to drive a picnic party out to Waukesha, and may. not be back in a week. By that timo pa will get over that Bohemian serenade,' and; the- ; boy filled his pistol pocket with dried apples and went out and hung a sign in front of the grocery, • Slmobemea two sliillin' a smell, and om smelt is .