HOW TO WORD AN ADVERTISEMEET.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 5, Issue 1353, 14 April 1883, Page 2

HOW TO WORD AN ADVERTISEMEET.

--•■*' : . •"■ '*- : - .; A man was denouncing' newspaper, adyertising to a crowd of listeners.',; •'■ j" Last; week," said he,/'l//had an uiiberella stolen from; the vestibule of the church.' .It .was'a gift, and valuing it; very highly,::l. speitt,-doubje'/'the-worth; in.advertising, but 1 have'not recov'eredit." j \ ■; t-'•■-..■ ' :": How "did,, you; word Jhe advertise-: .•' ["Here it.is,"; saidi /.the:man, producing a slip cut from a newspaper/; The merchant took it and read: ;"Lbst; ;f f qm /the; vestibule of/ the ——; Church, last Sunday evening, a black silk umbrella, The, gentleman who took.it will be handsomely re« warded by leaving: it at ■ No. rh-High street." ' "•:'"' • ..." Now," said the merchant// J. Lam a liberal advertiser, and have always found it paid me well. A great deal depends on the manner'in. which an advertisement is put. Let us try for ■your umbrella again, and if you do not I will purchase you anew one.";'/!;:. The merchant took a slip of paper from his pocket and .wrote: ■•■. •; ,-..'. : "If the man who was seen to' .take the umbrella from the vestibule of .the; ——-church last Sunday does not wish to get into trouble, and, have a stain cast upon the Christian character which he values so.highly, hei will re-i turn at once to No. -High street. He is well known," '.'.;..;.' i ;-".,;■:. ■.

This duly 'appeared in the paper, and the following morning the Man'!was astonished when he opened the front door of his residence. On; the porch lay at least a doien umbrellas of, all shades and sizes that had been thrown iri, while the front yard 1 'was.literally paved with umbrellas. Many of themhad notes attached to' thorn Baying that they had been taken by mistake, and begging the loser to keep the little affair quiet.

" : Mr Mnndella (whose ■ illness was reported in our telegrams) is a rare instance of a working man obtaining a prominent position in the Government of his country. The father of the vice president of. the Council, was an Italian; his mother was English. He began life aa a street shoe-black, gradui ated as an apprentice in a. Nottingham factory, and from beinganingenious foreman was accepted as partner. Mr Mundella is, of course, self-educated and it is in the highest degree honorable to him that-he has made so much of •his opportunities. In private life, he is a good brother, and only recently he made a journey to discover his grand-, mother, a, search in- which [he was sue..cessful. The vice-president is the earnest advocate of the education of the people. When he was a boy he was expelled fronvsohool for carrying aflag in the- children's procession on. the Occasion of the passing of the Reform Bill—World. •

:The Milwaukee brought out: the : energy of American fireman in a novel way. Milwaukee wanted a steam fireengine, and telegraphed to Chicago 90 miles off. It was at work within two fireman having traversed 90 miles in 80. minutes, a rate of going previously unreached on any American rail-road, and possibly as dangerous as the fire.,.. '.'..-.' . ;We.pnce heard of a grocer who was' bo mean that he was seen to catch a fly of} his counter, hold him up by the hind legs, and look in the cracks of his feet, to see if he hadn't been stealing some: of his best sugar. '"/ •'■ : The latest novelty inTaris bonnets is made of wash-leather, and we hope that the twine-trimming whichwas fashionable some time ago will be; revived to adorn them with. There would not then be any really bad stock. The shapes could be used to clean windows with, and,- the unravelled-, trimmings come in for tying up parcels.'' '■• ; At'a hotel a couple from the country ofrMilesiari extraction, took seats at a dinner table, Directly .after ,a young couple seated .;;■,themselves' Opposite, and the young man took a stalk of. celery from the dish and commented'eating ii The old lady' opposite-looked at him a moment-with an airof disgust, and then nudged: herhußband and said in a stage weisper; "pee.'the blackguard ateing thebokay!"- :,; A- Sensational joung dramatic author of the soKobl'ofSbakespeare (save the mark I) offered a tragedy, .in five aots, to a .theatrical _ Mjr tragedy," said hV'Ms , % masterpiece in its way/ and I-guaran-tee that it will obtain the pstbrill}an# ; success, for the piece is so tra^c^'that >ll my actors die' at the ■.olose'/'ofithe, : thirdMt"''•'And-pmy*-whom'have yon got to perform in thV twaremain.' ;ing:&otsf inquired the ghosts of those, whom I killed in the i:fAMi^is^ idbUars da|(iageSitova;young ladyiwh'om, - rttailwayconductorfaUed to put off at the railroad statioii'-whereil'shei wished : to alight.- ;,The most remarkable thing -.' about the case is that the young lady •was earned only 200 yardß beyond her ;de»tii(atiori;;- ; ':;^:v:'-^';t;";;":;;- ; .;^ : "-'

• A bore, meeting Douglas Jerrold,. I said "¥ell, what's I " I am," replied Douglas, darting past r the inquirer, ■■ >-- ;: / ■' ; : ; / ■ The flower mania took an acute form " with a Philadelphia belle, who apf peared at a baH with; eight bouquets," -" She carried;two;;and : : % a , Mwd|whoito"od•ln^;alcove < airid''' :.'. changed posies from.time tatime/yjtb,, her mistress. r ov : Vv^'-'" 1 "';" .v European, paperajtate that a : J[me. ,f ;nea'r -Baden, ;hal dis- • tingwshM/herse'lf I. yearsj by'giving':birth to male:twins. ij ;Her husband inlß6iyear3;old.fjTh'ejC j have had before" but one' cfiiid,'' a Von, ):,vrho. know %\ years old. . : j .AwriterkthoPhUadolphiaMedical } Times sayslthatihe ftais ifor ; .eigh't;yeiui, ■ made a practice of treating erysipelas I by'the lociil of' borax) dis-I } solved in'glycerine, one. drachm to an 1 j 'ounce, '■yirhicbr-ifi.'fo./be^-^eli^b^l^ui. ( - and-applied on linen. ..TliarMuMasb^a':! 1 to out the disease. short in;, a few; hours. In' some' cases 'he used" tincture ;> of iron in, ; some' . not. •... ' :: :"'■■''"'. ■'■ ■.'•"■■'"•, ■^-■"' i _ A-youngEngMlord who'hadbeen• living in Paris a couple of years in t great style wds observed by his friends' ■: to choose for /his'/ daily-. ironstMtiorial • the doleful surroundings of theVgreat; -, l . cemetery nPere-la-Ohaise; or someone * t of the; smaller 'suburban'cemeteries; - : j, : Hisfriends/rallied him on, his/luguf* brious tastes,. ! and inquired iif' heiwere' posing for efiept ala "■ Young's-Night i ; Thoughts j" to which the young ' man replied grandly,: ''Not atallj but : the cemeteries are the only places \ " where, .up present time, JD- owe/ nothing. ■'■■■'■"■■■■ ■ :; /. ■:;: ;,/ ~ A German citizen hasgot ahead; of i Wiggins in.the storm business. ■"Look, i here 1" said he, the other day, " I d£^ . you vat it is'.'. /.You pettpr don't dake\ L no stock in denVweader predictions/ Dose beople don't know noding. Dey , can't dell no petter as I can.'' "But, , my dear .sir" said a person 'present,;'" [ " they foretold the storm we have just , encountered." "Veil, dat ish zo," f replied the German, contemplatively ; t "but I dell you vat is is—dat shtorm i vould have come yust.de same if it had not been bredioted." / . ;■ ;•