Wit and Wisdom.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1216, 28 October 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Wisdom.

"Bless ray liars! I !.,saJd "didn't youKnow.wheretlie. Vacuum/s?The Vacuum is where the lPope. keeps'his'bulls" ' The firemen'wore industriously irylhg to' ex. tluguish Rblaze.id a New' York saloontho other sight, yhen an impecunious Pat, who had been •drinking " on' tick,"'besecelling"liis 'friend tlio 'pipeman,: said: " For • 'the love • 6'- tlio : Lord, ;Tliomas,!playontheshlafe!" 1 " .... An, Austin man.started inillio livery slable business:lnst'week, nud.tlie.ifbt tiling ho.did was to'.liavO; a big. sign painted representing 'himself holding a mubliy.tko.bridle. "Is.that a good likeness of me ?" lie asked of an admiring friend, "'Yes/it'is a perfect nißture of you. but who is the follow holding you by tlie bridle?" Mystery explained.—Gus DoSmith called at a :very fiishionablffdiouse in Austin avenue a'few idays ago and acted so.queorly tlinhvlien that .lady's husband came.liome she:said: "What'is the matter with young.DeSmlth ? Ife: acted so strangely. .1 think there must bo a, screw looso about him somewhere/' ..".Reckon not. I saw ■Mm tills morning and lie wria tight all over." The Mnavillo, liid,,4)'f/iM, says a card in a Chineso work-house in that city roads thus: Somo timo Mclica man comee niy shop, 'Ketcliee'liim shirtee nb puttee tip, ' 'Mono likee that; spose'inc tlust, ' All samoe Melica man, putty soon bust, ' ' -Me so charges heap big plifce, ■■••■'. ' ,Mo nowasheo alleo sam'ee nice. Me. puttee iipisign say, "iTerms Cash," . Chinaman's slate bloke allee smash. , .... :Tho Inhabitants of the Eordelais country are prone to exageration, hut one of them recently mot his match. He was dining with a Japanese friend on the Boulevard, nnd ; mushrooms camo under discussion. "In my country,", said the Bordelais," the mushrooms under tho trees are larger .than these plates'." "What of that?" exclaimed the Jap. "In my country'it is tlio trees that grow undorthe mushrooms." At a party tlio culcliahcd,hostess addresses a country visitor with expression. "Oh, air. Turrowby, I hope you admire the music of tlio future." Guest from the country—" My future .don't plav a note, madame; I made suro of that ; before I proposed." |, There was a citizen who mado the discovery that the neighbour from whom ho had borrowed Ids paper for tho past four years had not- paid • for it, Ho learned the facts from the editor, and lie was grieved, He was also indignant. Ho said to ais, "To think that I should have ' beou so imposed upon nt any time of life!' I tell you, a man douH know who to trust in' these times, The world is full of corruption, and deceit, and devilry—cliock full of it," -v, '■ "I never tasted tojjaceo in my life,".said a once well-known viveur an , hour before his death, which took place recently in.circumstances ofextreme. poverty. •" And now I want • to know what's become of all tlio money I was told I saved by not'smoking?" A country man went to a lawyer for advice. —"State your case " . "a/oU, the .client," a man told mo to go. to j Hades, and I want your advice." Tho attorney, took down a ,'volume'of consolidated statutes,and,after turning over a few leaves, 1 answered Don't you do it. The law doesn't coinpol you to." , , The uttorest complication in tho way of divorce lias been attained' in Now Philadelphia, United-States,'where-a woman is siting hot formon-husbsnd for;-breach' of promise of remarriage. •: .This is tlio season for cramps, Avoid.swim.ming.on. aM stomach, or floating on an empty back; avoid early cucumbers and late lobsters; avoid listening to amateur violinists. "Charles, dear, now we lire married, tlioro ought to be no secrets betweon,us; you know; so do, liko a lovely pot, hand mo over my bottle ■of hair-dye, and'the'bloom of ninon'.you will 'find in my dressing case," TltE POX AND THE CROW, Perched on a tree a crow, for a freak, A Stilton carried in his beak; Up comes Sir .Roynard, sleek and sly, • i Resolved his flattery to try, , He felt that, if he did Ho vory soon could have the cheoso. And so lie did! , For when his chaff Had rather gone beyond a laugh, •;. ' . And when lie told the bM ono that lio Was ; ma!e equivalent forTatti, , And asked him just to try his voice,' . The crow perceived lie had ho choice ■ But to assert himselt; and so, To finish matters at a blow, Ho dropped tlio cheese on Reynard's head, And naturally killed him doad, ~ ' MOHAL, ■ Would.you make your flattery stick, Do not lay it un too thick, "" ' Compliments, howevor hollow,. May be more, than one' can swallow.

BROTHER GARDNER ON EMBLEMS. A coramunlca'ion from oberlin,o., signed by Judge Burnett, Ben Colwell, Prof»sso]k[inn[v ' and other colored men of national that the colored people of the Buckeye concluded to adopt the sunflower as their and the assistance of the dub in,making it na-\ tional was solicited. y'lDoan' take no stock in emblems," roplicd JJrother Gardner as tho lottor was filed for ansfror. - "De laziest crowd I.eber knode had a beaVer fur its emblem, I have seen a dozen saloons wid beehives ober do doilis, A man may take a white dove fur his emblem an' yit keep his wifo carryin' a black eye ton months indey'ar. Ifdccull'dpeople of Ohio .feel tho , need of an emblem, de sunflower is as good as any oddor. It's a.flower which stays,out all night, widout. goto' to sleep nex' day.; You : kin ■ nllus tell whiir' to find it. It grows. faster dan ■ de.turnip, an produces a biggcr.head'dan do ,bu-. • cumber, Dis club Avon't, pledge itself to any pertickler dhblemi at present, but will continue . to do whitewash®' at de same reasonable fibers, an', put a better shine on a stove fur twenty-five cents dan any odder club fur io'ty,"-Detroit 'FmPresi,