Wit and Wisdom.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1084, 27 May 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Wisdom.

A little learning is not, a dangerous thing to those who do not; mistake it for a preat deal.

: A foreigner Is about to write a book on America. ,'Hc will cnll.it" Qioat Ejcpoctorations."'' 1 ; ;" Is tlioie a word in the English laneuage.'that contains all the vowels? There is—unquestionably: •! :■■'.■ ■■ '-• ■■:■ -■ "' Appetite extraordinary: Ho had eaten nothing for twelve hours'. Ho hastened'homo, ran; into \fotom;uniboltedthedaofl . Miss Vanderbilt, being the daughter of a ' road man, was married in a long train: But will •sho bptodor to her husband:?; ..:, '■ • .....It is almost impossible tu look over the hnti worn by tjie ladies at the theatre, and tills fact is but nnoilier argument for the elevation of the stage.. " . ' '■' '■'• Many a fast young man whon told that his course oflifc will shorten his days consoiesliimself with the thought that it does at any rate lengthen his nights. • ■!•..•:''■. • Frogs are now fashionablo for fcmalo jowelery, : Thoy «re chosen, we beli.ove, on accpuntof tho .sentiments expressed in the. old,nursery, ballad, "thij frog he wpuldn-wobjng go," '!,,'•.' ■, An Illinois deacon, while visiting in Philadclpliia, was'askcd'if he had purchased any Christmas cards, and replied with some surprise: '* Why should I? My old pack is pood enough." Considerable surprise nnd excitement wis created in Wall streot tho other day by a prominent operator appearing on the steps of 1 tho Treasury building with his hands in his own pockets,, His Honor, to tho bride-olect-Are you willing to toko Mr; X., here present, as your husband ? Bride-elect—Thank you. sir! I am not! His Honor—But, my child, you should have said so befofo coming here I Brido-elect-O, sir, you hretlie'flrsf person that has consulted my wisuos in the matter. . ■'.•;■"■'■ Synopsizod opinion by the Court! "These defendants are dismissed. .The Court finds.tliey stole a large amount-enough to entitle them to respect*;. Call tho noxt '. , . The lover of solitude is likely never to be gratified. If He remain on earth, .there, are people hero. If he go to hoavon lie will find a lew there. If he go to hell ho will meet a erowd thcro. Oneo a man is born, he can never oscape his follows. . ■ ' " . How much, in life and money, the North Pole lias i'ost I ■• And if it wero found, it is not worth the powder to blow it up. Tho same energy oxpendod in practical and us ful enterprises might, probably would, accomplish something worth the effort.

A gontloman told his' wife Hie following, ono night, after returning from bis club—" 1 m-mot a big mansh trying to walk on both sliides of tlio p—patlish; but ho c-couldn't run ovorsh mo; I walked right botwcen bira " Relic Hunting.—The custodian of what had tan Garibaldi's straw stuffed bed in Iscbia was hoard to muttor, ou seeing a lady carrying away a few straws as a relic, ''they vsiUAoit: I've stuffed it six times already since the General left."

SusHuioos.-A man in telling about a wondorful parrot hanging in a cago from the window of a house which ho often passid, said, "It Cries 'Stop thief!* so naturally that every time I hoar ill always stop I" The Question op Qubstions.-AH ladies know-by instinct-how tlio question of questions should be asked so asked as to mane it tell Per crnitra, very few young men know how to ask it gracefully; and perhaps it is as well that tlioy do not.

Pestered with "cont ibulions in vciso" from a peisi»|ont rhymester till his patience gaveouti an Amoricsn editor wrote to his correspo tdontthus: "If you dnn't stop sending mo your,sloppy poetry, I'll print a piece of it soim? day, with your name appended in full, and sond a copy to your sweetheart's father" That poetical fountain was spontaneously dried up, A breach-of-pr< mise caso in Illinois: will present a novel question for legal decision, I lie plaintiff was a good-looking girl when tho engagement was made. Two years of courtship passed. Then 'small-pox disfigured her face, and the defendant declined to many her. He claims that, in view of her deterioration in personal appearance since ho mado the promise, he is not in law or honor bound to keep it. A barber in New York has placarded In his window tho names of those who lmvo been owing him a long time. Ho said to a Herald reporter: " Vat I can do M ask dem und doy sey dey cum around nexd vock. Dey cum round and gotahaved.bud dey give me no money, und dots de vay it goos. Dor dot von owes me 22 dols., he say all dor timo lie cum in nexd week. He vas not here so much as dree weeks, und I beer he has gone avay. I koep dem in der vinder uridil some money comes in, Ven dey pays up I cross out their names. Don'd you pud dot in dor papers," : Aheodotb.—A female rat had themlsfortuno to be caught alive in a Philadelphia trap nothing ago, and the following d<y she presented her captor with five small pledges. One of these escaped and ran into a bottle from which it could not get out owing to the smoothness.of its prison walls.' There it was found, and tho old rat and bottled young one were placed together in acago Since that tirao the mother has'fed her ottspiing by dropping bits of food down the neck ot the bottle and : quenched its thirst by sticking into tho.samo orfflco her tail dripping with water from the pan provided for her own use. • • •■, ' '^m " THROW PHYSIC TO THE DOOS." , ' Tato the open air, Tlte more you take tho better; '■ Follow nature's laws To the very letter, Let the doctors go To the Bay of Biscay) Let alone the gin, •■ The brandyand the whisky, -I. ' Freely exercise, ; ■ Keep your spirits cheerful j . Let no dream of sickness ! . Make you ever fearful, Eat tho simplest <: •Drink the pure cold wateri Then you will be well, . Of nt least you ought