Wit and Wisdom.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1079, 20 May 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Wisdom.

, .No.man whosojiead doesn't show genius bumps , bol'eyesin. plirenplogy. , .Motlior Shipton, it Is reported, didn't mwn last yonr, bnt;spmo yenr, Tliero is no eloquouce thnt slim, Aoos tlio eloquence of a Urge bank account. . Dpntttoisotlie lowly; the.imdor-iaff.does all tin work, •' ! ' If he earrio j his umbrella so that it proili,ovory* body on the slrcct; to is a now-comor, An Irish doctor declare* tlint f- r invalids the only.sita climate in Rurope ij North Africa. , .Gainsborough hats ate being hissed, inthft New York theatre, "Tako your clothes ofT.yourheftd, sis," is the somewhat startling remark. The funniqst of the .Christmas toys is cnllcd " The Po'itician," It throws up its Bands.when the owner pulls a'striri?, Want to know how to Ml the moit Jtyliili drats? .Got in a crowd and mark the'one that allitlis women turn up their noses at.- ' ' " i Th» "idiot grin," much used in socioty Is no less offcctjive than whafcis called, '.'.the.front teeth smile,",ind/ilged,in liy,thosfl who have viflitotlttho dentis', ; 1 | idonjurors a?to.i)ish an audience by taking a roll of rjbbon froin their mpjUhs, but.ihenlt is aconi^ mon thing to see a carpenter take a liatnmer, and nails out of his chest. _ The Roy, Sir. Spurgeon says in a sermon on Family Prido. "Remember, my friends, that, we are all dc<c.>nded from a common gardener, who was given what is termed 'the sack,'" : Au ; oxchango. says the differenco bitweoa a hungry man and a glutton is, " One longs to eat and tlio other eats too long." James.Sroith niver wrote eight better,,lines thantheso, and .they arc. not" entlrely",Wjtliout application.to'our own.times:' " To Flavia's slirine two suitors run And woo the fair at pnee; A needy fortune hunter , And ono a wealthy, dunce. .How thus, twin-courted, sho'llbebava Deponds upon this rul«If she's a foot ihe'll wed the knave, And if a knave the fool. Young.ma^—lt's allright, of. you.tojwaiMo own tlie.oarth. < Get-as much of, it as you, pan in a decent sort of way, B[it don't imagine,you own the wholo of it.' That's where lots pf.'folks mako a mistake. : ' . ■ ' ''' '' Gloves will he worn as long as swallow-tailed coats are in fashion. What fn tho . world would Billed.' youths in swallow-tails do with their Hands if thoy could not koep buttoning and un? buttoning their gloves 7 i Two women .palled on a Maine • dentist jiraulr taneously, one to liavo all her teeth pxtracted, and,the .other,only three, Thedentijt jmistakenly put the latter under the Influence and fenldeiftd her tooililcss. A jiiry tho dairjage,. ' ' ' " 'J - ' A watch-maker,is sitting in Ills ihop, surrounded by clocks and watches all gpingl and no tvro alike. He perceives that it is getting late in.the afternoon, and anxiety; ,upon'lilm. He. rushes out of. his shop and stops ithe first passerby," > s ir, what.o'ciock is it, pleaso." •£, "No," said the gilded youth ot the lady iM." whom he.ls devoted, ."she.isa'i, su?h a,repsrkably.charniirig girl,■ I don't ci)re po mucH about . her .on.t|iat account.' But'th^'s.thc.'pleuuMlof 1 of knowing tliat I'm keeping lier from,six n'nrai other.folldiys -wjio adore her, It's neat," r " ■ It is an old saying that it make? comparatively little difference to a man what kind of a government he lives under, i It is tlio.women who profit by the advance,in civilization aid enlightenment Tho piore .barbarous, the government the greater, as a r ule,are,the special,privileges.of, , ~ ",'I don't sec,',! says a,poor man, fi that .ihejse my claw join to get their livesinsurc^areof much benefit.; A,pporma pays his for a long tiito, then something happens so .that ho gota a .lit'lo behind in "the payments,and he is euspended, thus losing all ho , has paid and his insurance too."- 1