Wit and Wisdom.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1067, 6 May 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Wisdom.

Tho middle of tlio hour-glass Is a!w'aist of time •-A labor of love,—A bashful youth assaying to "■pop tlio question,": v., : '■:■■ • '■Wovor• writethcwovcl "finis" backward; ,'lt will be a M.sin if ":yon do, ..•..,,, No-woman ovee truthfully said sliodidnot cmo. whether sliowasprptty or not, , ~'.': Tiicro avo more'fashions in the city, but jnoi'O, stiles in tho country,.^ What'roof covers the most noisy tenant ?r-Tho roof of the mouth.. . .. /" The man who knows yoiuvoll may forgot all about you when you nve sick, ' : '"' The cars of a man are happily located, sinco there is a (rood deal to ho said on both sides.: ;. What riles a country postmistress is to have a postal card como to the offico written in. French;, An apothecary advertises that ho lias "always alarm supply of lcoriios on his hands," '•"'lrs not fail' to blamoboys for stealing: apples.' It's hereditary in the whole human raco,' Somo men's noses are like some books; fho' more immdrtal'they arc the more red' thoy are/ Why is a thief that" peaches" liko tlio capital of Turkey! Because ho is a constant to no pal, Jstlietic—"No; tiles decorated with scriptural quotations aro not strictly toxtile: fabrics," When a porson says ho lias been having a vosulitt good time, ten elinncoi to ono he lias been bohaving in a very irregular manner.. There-is, one good thing about a boy whona circus is'in town—you know where to. look for him. •'','''.'■ : Fanny Davenport calls tlio train of lior new. silk dross "cyclone," becauso it sweeps everything before il. . ■'■.'.■'■ A woman who has four sons, all sailors,'compares herself with a year, because, shoj has four sea-sons, .. "Know thyself" is jjood advice. And to find out all about yourself in the shortest' time, got uom.(natfld for an oinco in a country township.' A New Yorker has coughed up a wooden, tooth-prick and is daily looking for.a toothbrush to fullow,. A man who stoops to conquer will soon he nooning slionldor-braccs, Better sit down in a rooklng-chair A man advertises: " Hands wanted on boys' pants," Hands won't do any good, It takes a leather strap, " ; Duvn the dog!" ho said," I'll settle his hash for him, whbn I go down to sc6 Kate, to-night, And lip, proceeded to saturate tho soat of his tronsoys with strychnlnb; " .Talk about the facial expression of great actors t Did you ever soo a small boy with Ids mouth illlod with plug-tobacco for tho first time? ■■■;■■■■■ An unfailing cure for a red noso is tho sting of : atoiisp or wasps,: Poultice tho noso immediately after stinging, and keep it in strict retirement for one week. Tltea let it out-to blench. Lecture upon the rhinoceros: Profossor, "I must bog you to, give mo your undivided attention It 'is absolutely impossible that you can form a true idea of tho hideous animal unless you' keep your eyes fixed on ' An exchange prints'.' rules to discover spurious bauk notes." But we don't want to discovor bank notes ot that description. It-is the genuine kind'wo arc looking for, and rules for discovering several thousands of those would bo very acceptable.

An old baW-lwadcd ruffian says ho don't / OMictly know which is the worst, love or cucumbers. He's.bad. both, and he thinks, if his memory serves liim aright, that love was rather the worst, when it got tho true grip on him, _ A lady who was very motet and submissive boforo marriage, was observed by a friend to uso her tongue pretty freely afterwards, "There was a time when I almost imagined she had none." '■'. Yes," said tho husband, with a sigh," but it's very long siiico." Tho Countess of X— was summoned as a witness in a French court. " Your- ago, madamo?" asked the Judge. "My age?" said the Countess; "well, I—really havo such a miserable memory," " But certainly you must know when you were born," "No, indeed, Judge, on my faith I don't, I was so littlo at tho time.'' Tho indole did not insist auy further. ." I maintain," said Mr, Quillhopper, excitedly, " that no man has been in such n horrible predicament that ho could not bo in a worse one," "That's all nonsense,".answered tho : blondo young man; " a relative of mine was onco.on the sea in an open boat for ton days and had nothing to cat; on the eloventh day lie was so hungry that ho had to cat his own shoes—what could be worse than that?" "WoII," said Mr, Q.; slowly, '■' ho might have hadtooat some ono else's!" The blondo young man wilted, •' • Tho great trouble about keeping a boardinjr-. house," said Mrs. Scapplc, as she was her rooms to an applicant tho other day, "isfib. ridiculous way people have of taking offence getting huffy at tho least tiling. There's old Judgo McO'wl, for instance. Been with mo over sixjears, and yet lie loft last week because tho Skidmorc children got to swimming in- the tank on the roof this hot weather; said it made tho water tasto of taffy." •..'As Usual;—tho commercial traveller of a J PhiladelphiahousewhiloinTonncssco approached / a stranger as tho train was about to start and , said: "Ave you. going on this train?" "lam." A "Have you any baggago?" "No," "Well, my friend, you can do mo a favor, and it won't cost you anything. You sco, I'vo two rousing big trunks, and thoy always make me pay oxtra ' for ono of them..': You can fret one choekod on yoiir ticket, and we'll ouctiro tlicm. Sec?'' )' Yes, I sco; but 1 haven't any ticket." " But I thought yousaid you were going on this train?" "So I am. I'm tho conductor." "OhI" He paid extra, as usual,