Wit and Wisdom.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1055, 22 April 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Wisdom.

, Free of charge—An empty gun, .. , Neverarpryngiunsucecsa.-, , : •■,.■•.i :■ , .;, A sjgn.of indigestion-" Gone to dinner) bo back, in five minutes," ', i ,•.•;:■ Fritz has named his dog Non Sequitur, bocause it does not follow. '.''.'''''•' The man who makes us laf and 'don't mako us think is' euzziri'tp' tho monkdy. ' In London the'word cab is prouounce'd'kebj in Glasgow, 1 kaby in Dublin, kyar. '' ■>■/ ■•'■■' ■■'There'is one town in CounocticuMhat hosmo fear of the measles. It's Haddanv ; ,;'.:■: 1. It looks.suspicious;to see a man always (pkp a clove beforaanswering the tolophono. , A book witli a loose leaf should be baund,ov,er to keep tlio peace! .....■' ' Bernhtodt'B real name is Sallio Rosino. Shots a lineal descendant of old Rosino the Beau, . }' A Texas man was lynched fdr'riding a mule da Sunday. It was another man's mulo, by tho way. ; - ■;■■■. •• •;• ■'■", :-.■■ . ■;. : In money mattors treat strangers as though they woro your relatives. ■ .' :',,;■'. , The phrenologist is a man who cannot do his work unless he feels right, . ...,,: .:.•.■•■-,, , Wlien'one Southern eentlenian slaughters another in a duel, he is .said to have remojted .'his adversary. ' '; ' ..'..-,'". .',',, ' The seminole Indians say that God first made tho black man, thoa tlie red man, and finally the whitoman, ' '■';■. ■ '' ■ :; : ,; ," "Cigar-smoke puffed in one man's face 1 by another man is assault and bartery," says a New York Judge, _.'■'■ ::., ;,■„■ _, The, coining, pman.will not marry until she is able to support a husband in the style he has been accustomed to at home. , ,

What is the differonco betweoa charity and a tailor? The first covers a multitude of sins) the second, a multitude of sinners, ' ' Tliore are soiiie men so vain that' .they' would be willing to 1 get up behind their own carriage in order to porsuado the world that they keep a footman. • ■ .' -f "-" ■'• "<- : ■ ' . "The Health of Washington I" exclaimed old Mrs.'i Phjhaphor, reading the. big head-lino, in newspaper. ','. Why, I thought Washington was dead]" ...,.,• ~..,,,■' •,: ■ Geor'gb Remington, of Castlomaino j'had his log badly broken by a barrel of beer falling, upon, it en Saturday. 'This shows that bo used for internal application, ''". "'■'■.'''./ ; : There is one kind of stealing ; that is neither called : thoft, nor robbery, nor kloptom'aiuW ;the V hooking" of umbrellas,- : 'The■ court records of all lands, probably, : do not show a- case |of prosecution for stealing an umbrolla,. Yet no longer ago than yesterday, at. a moderate estimate, several hundred.umbrellas:mystoriously [disappeared, ... ' \ '"... .... Thero was a young man of St; .Cyr, , .- Who impatiently muttered/Oh, dyr! ;.I certainly iyr,.,, ,;: ,-■" ~.. ; I have drank top much' byr, ' [..[ Forniy head feels uncommonly quyr!' - ' 1 -If a.maiden.says she is twonty, yotlooks fifty, add the figures together-, divide by 'two,' and you' will'avor'-ago." v ' ''.''. "v '. ,' ■ ,' ; -Tharo are various kinds''6f wit, but tho only jrihowine kind iz based upon truth; all thebthor kinds range from fust to fourth-rato m'onkoyisms. - : :":., . ■ ■ .- '!:. i ■,..; ■ ; '■:-./.

:, A monument erected in 1635 maybe'seen intho old Hingham burying-ground. near: Boston, which boars' the ; following; inserip tions:--.. ;. -, ," Here lios Tom Jonos; what do you think .1 ' Can'tyouofferan old fellow something to drink? What I, drink to.a.dead.man? Yes, and I'll; tell ■ , you why: : . , ~.:■•,. Whonlie,was alive he was always dryi' "■■"'. There is an old adago that if enough rope is ■ givon to a fool ho will hang himself with it, but. it. appears that over since the world began thero has been a scanty of ropo. \.' '■' '' The Detroit Frit Press Bays 'you'can 'toll a good mouth for mirico pics'on sight jit is easier, we believe, to tell a good mouth for tho'brandy ' thdy put into the pies.' • :■:,.,'- i ;A:St. Louis paper says that a woman of that ; city.'!.has gained a national reputation as a' 1 maker, or boxing gloves'."'.The: name of: ho' unhappy husband is not givon, ,'- . , ■, "' ] "Thero, I have,it I", exclaimed -Jones, who had been looking at Slapdash's painting. "Tho trouble is this;' he uses too much ochre, 1 ' "Yes" said Fogg;-"mediocre."- ' ' '-' '' ' ' ■ [Marrying at a distance by electricitymay bo legal; but it doesn't afford to the wedded parties one-hundredth part of tho. consolation ; that' tho ; old-fashioned way does. ■ : -' '•:' . A'taster ofClinteau Margaux ' : '"'"'' ,' • Tried mixing the wino with somodhu'x; 1: ' :j! ltso tnstedofrye, ■ ' ■''■'■•'■ !! .Tliat he said with a i!;; '■ •Oh! this is too utterly lauxl.'' '■:> '-. :