Wit and Wisdom.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1049, 15 April 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Wisdom.

\ Flowing loclcs.-Thosb'of " iftttto be contented Avith .what woiavej ; iiWce'witii 'whnt we- arc.' •'L J . j Ai raimVcredltorihave no cause for, alarm wMn (7 ho merely' assigns liis roaspns..; h mvvkvw:. When is' a.book .like a, lost ; dog that .l»s .tyn, : . '.round-?—Vlltienit Is'wcovmd. < ; . ' Lawyors ato apt tp make tlic most psiaistflnt, - frieiida —they love, to be retained;. . . f. TKo fnai.who'judgc'd' the balleT*girl"by .J®®', 'c oM sho We 'rt ; not''l6ug in i: arrmrig 'aU;" cinclusion.,«'■■■ .«.» ■ v,'. : •'' ! £'r ; When a .young man' suffers hisOTtotne&n .to rulehimjvith absolute swayj,canhe:he .proporljro ;called,n;missguideibeing?■ ■;! .wi;.-cr. j s I'Teacher-" Can you multiply, together 11 umbers^^.'(Tbey.appear uncertain,): .Taacber,. v ''piiid'by six pM'of bfeef?". Small Boy," tjliift* v-.r.r. . 1 Instructor"in* Latin—Miss ; B,,'of'ffbat-wai'-; Geres'the'goddess ? •' Miss dess i)f.jtorii^ , «liMWtM^h} ! TO;'^'|P t --' t . culture,-Miss B.' (looking perplexed)—WW IJM siiremy book siiys she was the, goddeSs ot-;l}Ufc-;[

ibapdry.; . •••.*•' •• -i ■ ..k-rnp: 11 Mary Ann (to whom mistress lim pointed .out:,i the phenomenon);, " Lor|, mumi I S° .uiat 8 ft:• cbmic!. I see(l It two or three nights ; only thought it wna'sortietliiiig tue matter irafe'oftliestars'> i Mrs! Ramsiiotliam, on hearing that ..Cdbttn^, . guisheduaturdist was going to' lecture'on tiia . Fauiia of the Pyrenees,' observed, warmly that • i she hoped ho'd give it him well, as sho'detests■ ! any iawnerjand a foreigniawner must bo worse than all. ' '■ ■ l: ' 1 , ! Yery few men-know liow to keep Bilent, _ The ;■ Italians' li'ave 'a ttroverbj '' boo ana say:', nothing.' if you wish 1 to live in peace.'?: • The man: i. who is'bent on .telling all ho knows, generally,-,! ijndsby,tolling more tTiaudie knojvs. ; i v -.v • When Kathleen went to the doctor, the others day, and was told to take a little iron to.braceup , her debilitated system, she replied:." Sure, and L , ■ indado, sir, if's thp ironing that has done it, and I vron't take another,flatTiron in me..hand pgaia, this summer,. "... :■■ .. .•;,, i state, aJittlo,,r Michigan town, ,a compositor, substituted Hie word " widows'; for ? windows." The editor. wrote:'" The windows of the cliurch.need wash-' • ing badly. They aro too dirty for any use, and ' ; dre a disgrace to our village. ' Gallagher named his dog "Ragbag." Qf course this maddened Mr. Ragbag, who lives next door. But ho got evon. He woutandbought an ugly bull dog, which had lost both ears ana ono eye in fights, and sported a broken tail, and 1 • he named the dog, 1 f Gallaglier-and-his • wife-i i and two-childron-and-his-mother-k-law. s •• "Forgetthee?" wrote a young man to his girl,' " forget thee ?. When tho earth forgets to rovolve; \ when the stars forget to ; shine i when: the. ; rain, ■ forgets to fall; when tho flowers forget to.bloom,. then, and not till then, will,l forget thee.": Three , months later ho was going to see another'young lady with ten thousand pounds in the baink. ; ! "What Is your age?" askada friend of Mine.,, ' de C. tlto other evening. "Thirty-one,"promptly'' ■ replied the fair Sapphira. "Oh, where do yoir. J expect to go to when you die 1" i gasps' another lady. "I am thirty-four, and you told'me'last'• i winter with your own lips that you were justmy,' /• ago, my love." 11 1 know I did, dearest,-but it ■ was only to console you 1" i •' I' Taken is by ah Open Cobhtehance,— A sailor being eaten by a shark.; . ' i Atkociods,—lt was pointed out on \Vedtios- : ' 1 day that tho Queon had then reigned a few hours 1 longer than Queon Bess, and 'Arry expressed his: 1 ; Satisfaction tliatsho liad Besa-ted her. | • j Sooicn Definition of Metaphtsicb.— ; | Twamen are talking together. He that's , ing dinna ken what lio that's talking means; Ho:, , 'that's sneaking dinna ken what-ho means htar j self. That's metaphysics. . , ~ ! Taking' Oare of. No. I,—A negro hayinsj,, ) purchased a liat, was observed to take itfromluj liead on the fallof n shower of v njin,,and to.manU . fat particular anxiety, to . r ,in thus leaving his head exposed, he wittily','' ) observed, "Hat belong to mo-head belong to' i 'massa;"''

;Thb Tubbing TAX.-["The Water Conj-" panics claim the right to charge for moveable as Well as flxGdbhjths'."]—Master Havry:;Yes;-tlia » bbggars want to charge us extra for our;" tubs ;" but roe'n equal to them. We ''tub" in then intern .'-[JtaM speculation of friends-rwhere \ .; •tho waterfor theTca'camefrom.]., . •-' . ■., ■■'■ '' iA ; Contrast;—Therowasdaco'a gontleman ■■•• of tho ; namo ot'Wllberforce who distinguished,.,: himself by obtaining freedom for .otliors'tia.. i. ■woman who was pleased to assume tho same name ■h'as just earned notoriety by depriving • herself v pi > liberty—convicted of perjury. As might be ex- ~ p'peted, these opposite results hayo been brought about by. very different means:, in the former 'instance the chief agent may besaid to liaVebeett ! the Wilber-/orce of character, in the'latter the-' • Wilber-/orteo/circ!imsffl)i(!cs, ' •■•■ ■"' <'; : ' JRhymband RBAsoN. i -Snid a prim tenchdr ' " "to tho class in composition, " Mako a rhyming s opuplet including tho word 'nose, 1 'toes,' 'corn,' ■'kettle,'''ear/ 'two,' -and •'■boil,'." \ Thereiwas silonce for a little while; and then aboyliold up! • his hand intokeaot success. "Read the.couplet.'V: said the teacher., ;And the boy the kettle is worth,two on your nose. .Aid,a, . , coram the ear is worth two on your toes," '.',"''',' i The .Mystic.- Initiais.-A recently .arrived '•,' "|British ,whUst strqllinff ahpiit j ih'e. + . streota'iif'Chicago, came.across.the sign^Jolin"' Smith, with thelnitla]sM.S. appended,, Itite'ring the sliq'p he said, excitedly, "Where iji Mr.. ■ S pith! Show him to mo at once." \" Here he is j',;' thereplyfrom the boy he addressed, 1 ' :t and burning he,beheld the sJught-for'Smith.:''' His face fairly beamed with delight as he seized. 1 1 tlie otbor'B hand, exclaiming, A'Happy :to meet you, sirl • Had not % slightest.idea .of peeing i;: one of ouv Society in this part of the. world!,'; Where,wore, yqu a member?". "Momber of. [ whfttl", growle'd |r Smith. ';Oh,!,don't .bd'so ;., modest,". "Modest! What society are ybii talk- , jng about!" "Whv so bashful t You'are a ' Fellow, Lknow." The deuce takeyour impu-'" denco !• What the deuce do you mean by callings ; i trie a fellow 1" and Smith showed signs-of fight, ■'•'■ ";You mistake my. meaning," said thentourist; i "iaro yoii not a Fellow of the Royal Society, of: :; London!" - "I am .no Britisher," said .Smith; "■ ,"!l came from New York'."' "Then what oa /, earth does F.R.S. after .your name meant! 1 said- * . ,tlio mystified Englishman; "Well, .'stranger; I " dont mind if I tea you, Yousce I supply lunches ','.' ;aud dinners- and suppers witli cooked oysters, and ''■ ■ F.R.S, means nothing more nor less than'they ', Fried, Roasted, or Stewed,. See 1 ."' 1 :