Wit and Wisdom.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1043, 8 April 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Wisdom.

r. -Or 1 ;:, ; '* f . r; '-jMii.c W? has been .defined as loltiug y;--r witi'j a boMcarrtfc fiw.'fcw joi! M«fc v.:r? J ; y. i'Ah'tt'p siglilngi a'little'crying, a' littleidyipg,; ? .s. hnd(i frroV 4 deal oflying^nstitifolpve.. ,u t :... i cc, /;o: r mnnS, nim;,ia,tliis ; Tforld-be good,;uio W! . ; , chances arc thu v^ iat|jQnext. ~..,^1 !i:r - Lord .away ray! !:ii",Why did you !'. to another,..;" I,hide• .?W-f P» .Jff ."Ji i,... •tbo.()tlii!i',n3lio'liieda\\|' ft y.'?a^cuiespot. • • /.ilurtlief!—lristf driVL' ,r ; ;v ■B l irG''tlints the ■ . ..• custom-house.son,, ,But.^ s0 mf ate r\>rf ■ ydu'll -Li "seoitifC : this'''sifio, 1:i sorr, i w: • "'• ibehind," r \" : ' Mark! Twain' lecturing'on ■ offercd to show how 1 the «aniiiba/^M® r v| ( TO io yi lif any lady .would loild him a;baby.' ■<clecture t ;j( S | ~ liad top-bumllustrated.riiv, " -v-b—•' 'i'j-.t.t In , Philosophers say that closing. tho. oy" os I the.sense ofhearing morpacute,, A.WBg^ u ßßs«?,', r , : : that this accounts tor, the; wanyyoyos thflt ; \ rrii in our chtirchos'on Sundays. 1 _ A recipe for lemon pie vaguily : adds':' 'Then sit on aistdv6''aiid stir co^ta^Uy. I '' Ju'st as 'if ■ anyone icould.sit'on ! i st^vS' 1 without 1 '8 Sirring ':•,><> conatanuy;-' If J-w •V" T '; r "' 1 ; ; :When 'the'':Old" 'Testamontj isi^iftviscd - and■, •>(( .modernised,/it'will'probably; stato -thiit Adnm,i K ( |ji .after eating, tho; apple,-;l-ecoivcd wordithat, his ;, r ," •reslgnation.wouid.be accepted. ( :-;vi j , ,'' : Wliat •woijd.bo .metiiod. of 'this'small beer'froiia p3kcd f aMy .!,• , * oi htr butler. His reply,',was,:/".By' placing a cask of strpng be'erby , r 1 Lord 'Norburyjnding in tho concli 6f his Iriond' i< Piircellj tad clianci% : tb ; j)ass 1 'a"gallows l ! asked: : ".TOifere would you 1 be,i"PurcOll, 'if <svei?y man ■had,his duoT Alone in ray carriage," was :r .r/' .thereply, f ..f> ''i-..--:.i.-■"•■i- »■; ■■■\- - " You. se?,!!i said • tho > coloDoiyi i" old ; Doacon:■ •/,- Jenks is one of those, mon wl(0' aro ; jslwayfc toady r , •. to rob Poter.tp pay-.^auf.,Yes,!'.!sighed the j, colonel's wife ;, ".but somejioTC'tho' dpncon,. aftoi;.. j' i rebbing Peter, forgeta'to'pay Paul. An 1 auctioneer tlius 1 'oxalttd* the''merits, of 'a.'," earpetj "Gentlemon and ladies, sbm&foMM: 1; ' : carpotsifor Brussels' whidh hiß riot Brussels; but' I can most positively Assure J'du'that this elegant l : article was made by Mr, BfuWelß ; himself,'' i' ' ' i;: ; ' ;. .'.'Men often'ijumpiat'coiielusionsi';'..says the / ■ : proyerb. So do^dogs.■ rWo,;Baw : a- dog jump at-- i,i; the conclusion of,a cat,.,yhieh ..was. sticking ~.,,;;, through the opomng-of a partly,-closed door,.and it niaue more disturbaneo.tjian a church scandal,!! V : -Hurry'iip, barber,'''sai(r ; tho cuslonier iu tUo,,, i clinir;!"this soap 6n my'face itches'iembly." ' " "Justhave n little patienbo/sir; shall com,-,". mence 1 scratching yoii' was the" v'reply.' ■' •■: n! •/:! : ■ Mike to Patrick; "Did yez ever 'see 1 a'flying '■ ■ .fish,.Pat!" - .Patrick-(with'a ; look> of wonder): - < 1 .. "I've; seen, illustrations-of;'emy:bufc;novor an' original.". Mike (earnestly)-: V Oil, I've seen: i ,- -.i Wan alivo, but it was stufied.?! ; ; politician.being called a fool.a fort-;-,-'nißllt ago, one of his defenders said, " No, lie ,„ isn't'a fool; ho's a noodlo.". AVhat is the / r differoncb?',' , growled tho 'original/.accuser. "Why," answored the other, "tho rtiiforonco;is ' ■: just tliis : a hoodle is a man who llasn't enough • ;! backbonet'oboafool." •••' i :: . , ■ . About twelve months sifter marringo is tho most , trying period in the whole cycle' of. conjugal'ox- ;:w perience. At that timo 'man is.comparatively >.j tired of tlio. treaclo iof matrimony, and; hasn't: • t grown accustomed to the.vinerar.,,., :. ; . man wliosp .face .showed,the,effect.of a.'-.,'.. . skirmish with his;wife,.'siiid to tlie .police masis'- .. .boforo whom'he was'aiTfiipedy that his• disfigurement was owing.,to. the'risC l in'iron-?,' that is,?' ho added,to an advance in nails."; . .'/"I hndsuchah'orriddreamlastnight,dearest," • •; saiiafond wife, " What ilovou think it-wasl" -v-- ~ "Dijn'tknow, myjovoi I'm-suro." '-"Why, I ! - r fel 11 ,'f' inl; y9 u not going, to talce mo to .■. '.tlie scasidc this year, ,Just.fancy!" r r'l 1 beat.—" Docbir,'! said a young, plci-pry- ,: -miffi to sin bW.rnethapliysieal. diviiio, f.' »-hat is < tiho'hardcst'opinion to overthrow?" "Tho orio ? "'at'9 noyer expressed," answerod tho old D.D.,' '. 0. rjuid then added: "Silenco .is a hard'opinion to : ' ■ibeati j - ■ • , i • '"V® wo annoyinir a vonci'able iicgro, 1 1, !( yt{io astounded them by sololnn ysaying: ''Take - ■ 'wrA J! ou y oun g wilyuos, or soiuo oi) yi ut may In-• v - °f "ooshy some.nlnloso <liiy<,-nii'.don I'll ,m jest fc'roiv a bottle, of 'splodin! stviff-at j'er feet, •: , ' ,111'doiiwhar'llyoubs?" ~ .; ; ' somo writer asks, "is a .brilliant ; man loss bti liant with his wife than withiuivooo ! ' ; ™ o '"| Well, we suppose she 'asits hiiri for money •• ? ttenel ' t,ian hnymie else. You take 'to, borrow-

nig nlonoy regularly■ and constantly. : qf your' i'joTOt and mo<t brilliant friend, nrid -seo what ••• » will becime of his brilliancy in your presence. : ' ■: . ■ Tho student of nature can always: find snino . new link in (lie clmin which .connects the lower .order of creation with man, Evon tho .whirring ''it 111'! iiisocls has a suggestion of humanity iu.it" - !or doth not the axioum say! "To.whirr is human?" . '" What is tho meaning," asked a solemn old : ,)Ti» of a mischevious hoy : " Wint is tho mean. ingof;tlieproverb, 'Never look a gift hovso in the mouth? 1 " Tho boy instantly replied: "I - : snpppje.it means the snino as 'never.'look a gift• lior-e chestnut ia tho warm hole.'" '. They were standing just by tho- Iront gato of., the old farmhouse, Fnrmev Robiuson leanllig on flie'patc post..' ;«Well, miss, 1 hope .you'vo ■ enjoyed voursolf this.summer, . Wij hain't.put on inucli style for yoit, but we've meant to 'treat you ' ' i sort o' so so." ; " Don't' mention it, pray,."replied ' ! Miss Fitzjoy, " It's Ijeen i.the, iriosi delightful ' 1 season I ever know, Why. I've learned so much about fanning.that I really believo I- slmll set' ' : out some cucumber trees in the conservatory and i ■ liavo tlifm fresh for breakfast, all winter.".. ... Tho following story from the " Revue Anec-. .. dotiqueis a good, illustration of tile French journal is ts's ingenuity" A gentleman goes to ~ consult a solicitor.as to.an.opplication.be .wishes tomako for a legacy, to'whieli ho thinks.ho. is 'entitled,- and in answer 'to '(lnquiries'as to'his '' exact .position in the family, clearly Indicates : ! his position thus: "You see,''sir.' I 'am married • to a widow, who had, by her first husband; a " grown-up daughter,. My father felHudovo with - tho daughter and married her. Thus lie becamo .- my son-in-law, and my step-daughter becamo.- i my mother-in-law, ' I had a son who was my i...~j father's brother-in-law as well as his- grandson, - ' and at the same time my unclo sinco he was tho brother of my .mother-in-law'.. My. father in )iis' turn bad a son born, who was my brother and my grandson, as well'as the soh'bi my. stop- ■ daughter. My wife was also my grandmother as ,;i well as tho son of my step-daughtor. Sly wife i! was also my graud-raother, as she was the mother - of my mother-in-law,,nnd I was her giandson:as .well as her husband,.... Moreover, as:the husband of a grandmother is necossarily a grandfather, I was my own grandfather. Thus you will see,'! Mr. Solicitor, that my. rights in the matter arc perfectly clear."