Wit and Wisdom.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1026, 18 March 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Wisdom.

. 'LovoJnughsint locksmiths," and yet thero isnlaiiy thing very funny about akksmitb, i. A preacher sat Chicago advocates tlio introduction qf lady-ushers in church, to make tlio younrf men attend, ',',''".'

1 There' young lady fa Keokuk, lowa, who is six feet four inches tall, and she is engaged to be married," ■"■■•■''■ . •

■ u If a.man calls you 1 a fool pass him by," says tbe Persian, philosopher. That is,-' leave him' lying on the'ground,- ' ..■ An Arkansas girl refused to marry her lover unless lio performed soma heroic deed. Ho eloped .with her mother, '.-.■;

Mrs. Puddifoot says shonovor moans to cclehrato her golden wedding,, because overybody w|ll ho guessing how old sho is. [ When two funerals meet at tlio cemetery, it is embarrassing, to have one undertaker call to tho other, "'How's business ?"•

_A Toronto family has a cat'with two tails. Many families with obstreperous children in this' city,have oacb a cat-b'-nine-tails. " Why is it that men always cross a muddy placo on thoir toes and women on their heels 1 To cot toth6otbcrsido, ( tobosuro. ; A ffentlomnii who was asked for his marriage cortillcalo quietly took offlm hat and pointed to a bald spot. Tho evideuco was conclusive. There is only a slight difference between a Iwndorgan and an accordion. Ono is worked' with a crank, and tho other generally bv a "crank." ■

; Tho years may come, and the years may go, but I-fio on for Eva,'.' saUg'young Tompkins,' as lio.pullcdonihis kids and started for lib' girl's house, ~., . ■ , °

• "If you grasp a rattlesnako-firmly aliout tlio nock,..lie cannot; hurt, you," says a Western Pfiper....Keepinga block ahead of tlio snake ist also a good scheme,. 'Now tell me candidly are you guilty?" asked luawyor, of his client, in the county jail. " Why ;|o yousuppose I'd be fool enough to hire you if I was'.innocent," A young man asked his sweetheart if she had • over. rca,l." Romeo; and Juliet," Sho renliod .that she had road Romeo, but she did not think she had over road Juliet. (.Historians' have c'loarly proved that the Duke ; |>f Wellington-af'the'iiattio of Waterloo never' caul" Dp, Guards, and at 'em." Not an at'em ol truth-in'the story, so ti speak. ' " Quiip'siiys, wlicri ho sees kisses bctwoon womon, ■■ t'reminds him of.two handsome unmatched things in their proper 'mates. : ' put good'ftrnbthiug'that way.

'"Don't show'my letters," wrote a young man o a young woman .whom 1 ho adored. "Don't ho ' tali' was the reply, "I am just as much '' isnamed of them as you are." • iThiries'that "most people would like to soe ', Dur society girls before breakfast, a church choir ' [hat never quarrelled, a church out of dobt and ivith money to lend, and an editor who can please ' verybody. ,■.■'•

I A Philadelphia clergyman assisted a woman to tie, on her bonnot, and the verdict of tlio council '■ which tried him for it was:-" It wasa brotherly ; id, but he'd better let:!em tio on their own bon- ■ nets after this." ; ., ;. ~,.,, I "Dou you think,'! asked a college student of' : a professor of theology, "that the lion and the ' lamb have neyor yet lain down together?" "I i don't knoiVj" replied the professor, "but ifthoy : haye,,l haypno doubt tbat the lamb was missing , from that date,"' •■■■■■ » I Ampng.the gifts to a newly-married pair the' Otlier availing was a broom, sent to the lady fccompanied.witli tho following sentiment:--', I Tins'trifling gift accept from mo, its use I pnld cbmmoiid-in sunshine use the brushy part, in storms the other end."

I Good-night, sweetheart, good-night," sang 4 level-headed 'youth as ho slammocf (lie front gate and _ paced off down tlio street, Then ho took out his handkerchief to rub tho rougo off the tip ond of his nose, and wondered how much pearl powdorwas a pound when purchased in largo quantities.

I "Two souls with, but a single thought" is a rapturous enough sentiment in love, but it takes qnanolemont of misery to one soul, at least. fm l the girl 1? mapped up in visions of a bcautifu present, and the young man isengrosscd in perplexing ; speculations how to raise tho mpnoy to buy it.

• See here,' said a fault-finding husband, , wo must have things arrangod in this houso so tot we shall know whore ovorythiug is kept." <,' With all my heart," sweetly answered his wile; "and let us'login -with your late hours, my love. I should dearly lovo to know where thoyare kept"- Ho lot things run on as usual. i Said Mrs. Yoiirigh'usbaud, "Charloy, why is it you nevor talk with me as you did before we were.marriedt I nblico that you talk fast enough with other women." " Dearest," replied Charley, without taking his eyes off his newspaper, "don't you know-that peoplo talk to conceal their thoughts? I have nothing to conceal from you, love." In another moment he was deep' in-tho stock market reports, while somethmgthatsoundedverymiiclilike"ltumhuc" tromblcd on tlio ]i ps of Mb. Younghusband » she slowly left the room,