EPISTOLARY CURIOSITIES.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1020, 11 March 1882, Page 2 (Supplement)

EPISTOLARY CURIOSITIES.

Very curious specimens of the epistolary art are daily consigned to the editorial :basket; now oM escapes into print.:.; An [unflattering notico iof.,» flwitol performance,- ; in : 'a. London .long, letter from.the,offended, whichhe asserted that the critic was, not,pre-; Bent at the entertainment, and announced his, desire, to have 1 it .generally known," that :i l' look,upon all.critics,wlio,praise nie'n" of and worthy of the greatest, respect j and I look upon those rare ones whei; dispraise me as having a screw looso in their" cerebral development. In conclusion, I .consider that ifthejerson .who wrote the notice was present at' the performance," lio ia only worthy to be an, inmate of a home for idiots; and if he was not present, lie is -a inean unmanly our,' and should get seven years' hard labor. However, I have not th'e least doubt .but that I will be gaining tlje applause of .admiring .thousands when that poor fellow, is getting worm-eaten in an unknown and contemptible grave,—Youiis obliged,Pagahini-Redivivus.". . j A thief thus wroto to the editor of, the : Htw : .York Tribune; "Sir,-Please advise

your readers always to leave their names and addresses tin their pocket-books. It frequently happens in our business that we conie into possession of. portemonnaios containing private papers and photographs, which we would, gladly return; but we have no means ,ot doing bo, It ia dangerous to carry thejn about, so we are forced to destroy them, jl remember aft instanco when I met with serious trouble because'l could not make.up my mind to destroy a picture of a baby, whichjl had found in the pocket-book of a gentleman, which cameiinto my hands in the way of business in'.the Third Averiue'Road. I hid lost a baby myself-the year before, of the same age as this one/ and would havo given all I'had for such, a picture, There was no name in the pocket-book, arid noway of finjling out who was the owner; so, like a foQl, I advertised it, and got shadowed by the police, Teil your readers to give us'a fair show to,be • decent, and always .leave their addresses in their pocket-books, We wapt to live and let live.—Yous truly, "A Pickpocket," There was . some .reason in .the lightfingered one's -.request, whibh is more'tlikn can be said for that of the autograph hunter begging a well-known journalist's autograph for his album, with: "If you'deem the request unwarranted on ray part, praypardon me; but at the same time send the refusal in your own handwriting, and with your own signature, that I may know the refuqal |is authentic." His impudence deserved |as scant courtesy as that yielded by Dickens to an Oxford undergraduate, whose communication running: " Sir—Understanding tliat you insert' Rhymes in 'ydur serial, I fiend ybu some |" was answered: " Sir—We do'not insort Rhymes without Reason, 1 ' , . ' j . The world has.been reproached with know-, ing nothing pf its greatest benefaotors. The charge is too widely draSvn 5 but we must; in part admit it, feeling assured that not one 1 of our readers could tell the name of the inven- 1 tive genius who wroteto a London editor I—- " Sir,—The subject; iB a, motive, power, regulated by a,law of nature, capable of putting into motion the most cumbrous machinery, unihtermittjng in.its action day and night, and free from any cost from one year's end to another, its power unlimited, It is estimated to save the government two hundred thousand pounds per annum in fuel alone, and to reduce the .price if coals a hun- I dred per cent,, cheapening all manufacturing produce also," Getting our coals for nothing would be a consummation devoutly to be wished, in- 1 deed; but we fear our inventive genius credits himself -with an impossible achievement! like the actress who signed herself, "Respectfully yourß, Miss St, George Hussey, neo Mrs, Hussey." Ladies looking for sons-in-law rarely make their approaches so openly as the Canadian dame who wrote to a newly settled eligible: "Dear Mr. B— —, I,' Mrs. Wigton, wish you would call on my daughter Amelia; she is very amusing, and is a regular young flirt. She can sing like a humming-bird; and her pap& can play on the .fiddle nicely; and we might havo a rare old hoedown, and then we iwill have an oyster supper. Amelia is highly 'educated j she ch dance'like a' looking'for grubs, and she can make beauts' !ful bread; it just tastes 'like hori6y b'4es ,: Ibread; and for puriipkin pies she Can't'b'o' jb'eat. ■ In faotshe is ahead 6f all the girls, and will make a good wife-for any p man.—Yours truly, Mrs, Wiom-Sritig l your brother," ■'• M l In cases where it is quite unnecessary that' mothers should trouble' tlieinselves in.urging things forward, the expression ■of devotito 'and undying love is not'unfrequently half-' Icomio in its exaggeration. ■ Here is -the out-' burst of a Californian lover. "If," wrote' jthe latter to the*object of his affections—.''if' ono. atom of the deep, deep love I feel for : y ouj , is scattered-throughout the world, I; could' stake my life it wiu fill,-if allowed to do ao,' 1 . entire human race, and thence will derive' the'word'commonly-used as love:. GSood' bye,'my dearest dear, Yours till death,'and' it and eternity," By-and-byc he wirt' sued for-breach of promise- ; and whon asked' >vhat he meant by svieh • language, • >replied r ij ''.Oh, I-couldn't reasonably D 8 » expected to! ; explain such stuff." I No explanation 'w(£' needed in the'case of the faithless', swaih/ . who abruptly ended a ten gears''-courtship; with: write,,tli,esefew lines to say that I don't \think 1 agree if wewasjo -come; together. v I am ; generously inclined, and you aM the] other way, so l beg to be exoused,"; She-would ; not excuse him j and he had-. to pay for liis , default; a : fate thafc befell another fickle' . tlcman; : 'whb'tbok his leave aftera tiffy cOmplaraing'lliat' the lady hadput bim dowh'so 1 that he could not come up a^ain^, and ' i, tically concluding'; \ So from you I niustpait; j 7; \ ' f \" 8 ""v So'farewell) Miss Bell; 1, « : <"™ i '"".'••''•'l? , Alone -I'll dwell. • ■ w

the'pity k, n wnica ho raked for his inquisitivouesa:''UlyJlctSv .' rnious Friend and Juy of my Liver—The isieless, ~AltK<jugli I have passed all my days ,n this place, I have neither counted the ; louses, nor have I inquired_iato the number ; load ß 011 his mules,.and tho pt\ierstjO)vs away In ! thi& is'iid^busliiesS' bf rninb!'"fiiß/abbve ""'Stl?'W'tii 4 fh'dVtfrovioua' ,;i . hiatbry' 'of'M'cfty, l HeawonK''W™?'tK§' amount ofbir'b afifd tlre'ilifift'bW jitey ii'M 3 TOsword of Islam, It wqte n inpT»^fli. ,il p | mWra , l f' seek nbtiife -Thbu i&iiesfc lii'toraJ'Hii'd WWMSW} 1 r) (Vr.li Jrr. w»i' l':,i!i wo ?, •'k very, differefat, atyjiei adopte.d, j j manager of ono of the greatludian railways . n id addressing a' European given. t6uudnlgeljiti.fneedleasly i ;( MDearisiri/uwrdte he; S'lt is ext/enie, ,i frtgret|tbqtllihi)Ye! to ! .briiig:;to i )lyo.ur( i nfiioe, l ,] thaitli obsetved fet.yititiprofessioadr,conduct .; 'on'iyottr'ipart thisj-mdrajpg \yhffijpjikifig, ,a j vtciftKi• .I(iallude to,the &)> we (language ~ vou'ltißed to. jtlie,flrfrflfe,and iQ%ro< lfjtm I, . pf, : my-. r and functions,'and I may say righto. , aadfprivilegesji; Should• you?wisll tOiftbipe >anyi'of?iiiy' emplby'es/ql thiukailvfill,-^?'b.est, ■; iji future to'do so in regular [I beg,! ciutl wliatTrlviassidtir Babmltito > oatlit yoil-wiahi'to.rUßeji \yh&n,: ifvit iraeet3'iiny;apprbvalj I 'stial} at .oac^., s^ag^ion,, nt; .biitiif AotJ.-Lehall refer ;the.sara6,to4he!. Directdrsjfand in. the fcoursq of' a iew/fteieks,' their 'dpciqibh wityi be .knojVJiirf Pffilwps, vtp,, Might be as lliit.'ft'ilist offjex'pletiYes generally^,,use by.; SIOU, and' I can then at once refer .those,, to. 'itah liobjectl totlie iDirectorsfor: their, decision. But periding-th'at/yo.u .will please jtp; l'linaorstandrcursing and i sweating at drives ''andcdthera engagedf on ,the.itraffiu. ar'raage-.. •ments in which you may ,wish.to indulge mflst; lie doiie ; >in' writing l and (.through- mei ..By 'adbpting.ithis cour'6e;.you;>vill /perceive] hpw. : much'. responsibility; .y owi. w^lls t ave 1 .youi;a«jlf syidiho'wiveityf.inucll the, business of ithq Gom-, jjany mll'bo expedited,, audits ihtereStspi'o-; j ProMn'enVmembers of the theatrical-pro-1 fessifth are too accustomed- to receive extra-' ordinary epistles' from titter take much note of'.them'; "bilt we 'doubt^if' a'ni ever had a,'funniov ; Offer Wade 1 to l hirti tliau was oiice 'made 'to' the'ielder Booth. Here'it'ls: " Wkst HODsb Souo'ol', ProS. p s Ecr, N.Y., December-the eight; IBlßt—Mr. ■ IJdwakd 1 'Book. Suit 1 and 'Friend' ': ! Heering you was g6ing to comfe to Utica to i perforin in a play called Hamlit, I Sveuld libe to say that U6 boys is getting up ii'Exibition for''the benefit of the diseased soldiers and their .'widows 'and orphans, ; and'would like to engage you too take' tho leadiiig part; I have talked it up with the boys, and we.will do the square thing with you,'and lam arterise'd to make you the Mowing offer. Wo will come down after you with • a good conveyance; and will give; you'at tlie rate of Ton Dollars pei'day and board, atid shall want 'you about onewGek,', ; lf' yoti think' it necessary, you cau'have'one or to of our best wimmeh actors' poirie up with you' j 7 bat we can't pay them over three 'dollars a :day and feed.'i "You kno\y how' 1 tliaii is yourself,- this kind of bisuness is'awful uncertain; I Yon can'have some fun 'out of : it a • hlinting dear and foxes around .Flamsbuvgs and Ed. Wilkaims, Pleko'M' ; me' , know'as -soon as Jrou.'&ti. Yours, truly,' JAkE's'Swrn. 'B. Scrip.—ll you come. caMatihg to huat, "get Frank ijleyer's hound. She ig'a goott oiie."<! l i' .Our dast example,'of,' nme tOjiti .recipient iiV a bUrf'il 0! Linerlcau.apples ; bought in tjie. lijriningliaVr larket, and rail thus: "To tlio reader—Jtas for fun I thought I would write this : ii'otiftj iell-you ,tliesf.apples were rAised in Chester Not Hampshire,' U'.&'A. \TlSey-wei;e Wei froiaolir plkce.'twO'miles to.'the depot, afa< ! for one' : dollar per f barrel.' ! ; I can onlj fonder, \yho ipay, read'tliis ;'whetlier it be ii America or 'Eilropes.'tliis' riiay 'go 1 to, som< palace, oy perhaps someplace inferior',', The; may be destroyed by. fire or water; or : per haps.stolen.' .Howeteiy Seeing', I' hive woo doted so mvich,' I,'wbuld : likia' ! ■' Hayei y6 j jvrite me, .1 am a jicl)'6bl-teaclier, ag aliout'Jvij'eptyi' I live ih' .the'coiintry. ■ fiave'graduated'fijom th 6' 1 'High'.School; ' shpuldjlike' a good position lis 'teacher, write {w.'j'kagjSane, .or a"bhap(je''to' attend eom klio'ol. so'. as'l ciuldjjiay my' way'.—Wishiri 70U'happiness','I : am, 'The sjur bf : the' &irijjle'lett< eapedone'thing'frbm itthat'.ihterested'llii r-jnartielyi t|iat,th'4'barrel pf apples'for wkic he !fifteen.ghillihgß; 00^' the' impbtt'en freightage : and ; all, v j us t seven 1 iliilli ngs' an twppteft'cey' so'tiat' 1 there 1 must be' more! ui profitable' thin'gs'to itradein than apples.jt/iMers' JoHmll ■: .! ..■.