Wit and Wisdom.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1020, 11 March 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Wisdom.

„ J A C|earHead.-A bald pate, i ICeup .without cost.—Maintaining n paradox. , I A Kf®,™ spot in Westniiustcr Abboy is whereovor'you see a country cousin withalittlovbrger. ' Wiien a Tory politician is weighed, he is usually found wauling an office. A Seiitenco in the Lariguage of Flowers,-If you wish for licrtl ss&ssj never look to viuttvgold. ' : ■ . j _ What is tho difference between a fiery individual and a slice ot bacon ?—One is rash, and • j the other is a rasher. • j noblest quality wherowltb nature has onjdowed woman for the good of the world is. ■maternal love—that love which seeks no return. ! '• I'm sure," said a confiding old lady, '• that my son nover drinks auythitig at night, bce.iuso lie s always so awful thirsty in tlio morning." '' Gracious! wllo," said a farmer, as ho looked :at Ills son William's torn trousers, "get tliat : jlittlo Bill resoatod." And she replied. "So I 'will." ; A wealthy widow, advertising for an agent to .tako euro ot her estate, was overwhelmed with Applications. .The printer made it" a gent." Thoy.must liavo loarneil slicop in Toxas, for a jiarnior in Travis advertises for " an industrious (man to tako charge of fivo thousand sheep, who lean talk Spanish," ; " Well," said an old gontlonian who stumbled , as ho was trying to make his way around a group lOfwallzers, " this is really working one's iinssaijo ; around the whirled." | A country girl, coining from a morning walk, was told slio looked as fresh as a daisy kissed by , tlio dew. To which she innocently roplied: j; You'vo got my right name-Daisy; but his imt Dew," ! An old man who bad been badly hurt in a ! railway collision, being advised to sue tlio company for damages, said, "Wal, no, not for : damages—l'vo had onough of thorn; but I'll jjust'sue 'em for repairs." j Perhaps, after all, it is bettor that somo amajteur actors should commence at tlio top of the | ladder; They can work down much quicker ! than tlioycau. work up, and the agony of tlio' 'public is sooner ovor by the down gride, " Pat, my boy," said a sympathising friend to a dying man," we mutt all die once," "That's just what bothers me," responded the sick man. " If we could die half a dozen times a-piece, I 'shouldn't mind this once, at all at all," | ." An icsthetie discourse," said the Lady Althea |t» her huiband, as tliey rodo homo from church, j" Right you are," said Lord, Algernon,—who place on the pew-rail tor the ■repose of his lordly head, "It was aateitlietic." I The following good advice was given by the president of an agricultural society on presenting ;a silver cup to & young man who bad won the . first-prize at a ploughing match—"Take this cup, my young friend," lie said," and remember always to plough deep and drink shallow." A contemporary prints a long recipe explaining ;" How to perfume a dwelling" It's too exponisivo, The piioajMst and quickest way to perIfume a dwelling ij to fry a liorring or roast a low lonions. , They go right to tho spot-and'linger abound the spot for a considerable length of period. Enthusiasm seoms to liavo got the better of logio' In a presumably Irish advocate of total abstinence at one of tlio late meetings of the British Association. A gentloman was telling the meeting that ho was eighty-one years of ago, and bad nover been an abstainer, when lie ; was greeted by the exclamation which " brought down" the house, " You might have been a ,hundred by this time if you had," j Titos or Vame.-Tlio German Valse is to |bo superseded by the moro classic measures of ;anciont Qrecco. Tcrpsichorcans' worship will in I that case' become a' most elevated rite, You can't go.t much higher Attic dances, in fact! : Poor Little Chap !—Little Pupkins:' I suppose you have a good many wrecks down iherel—Old Salt:.iLor'. bless yer, sir, yes; an' n [many of'em comes down lookin' a deal wusser than you;, an' arter ft few weeks goes back nuito i'ajdylike.,. ~ j. ■ THE TiUJE liANGUAfiE OF CO.MI'LIMENT,— ! Frenchman (to lady who litis beon singing); ali. j what a voice! No, it is'not a voice, it is zo m j warbles of a bird, Is it zat you have in' your * •throat what you call ze-ali, jos, ze thrush?-' I ! Vocalist: Tho thrush in my throat, Monsieur?— I Frenchman: Ah, I perceivo zat I have made 'somemisteko, ltisanodor. Yes; I have him < noiv-ze martingale! PwitfAa A PIKESTAi'i'.-The editor of a contemporary has thought it worth wliilo to publish Bptne letters propounding the very simple question-" Why should wo drown?" To us, the answer appears singularly obvious—because wo cannot breathe under wator. ; Josbßuhngb' Pkayer.—NewJßevision,"" From tu many friends, and from thing's with luce jeiids, deliver us! From a wife who duii't luv us ;and children w|io don't liko us, deliver us I From wealth without charity, from prido without sense, : fro_m pedigr_ec3 worn out, aud from all rich relations,- deliver, lis! From snaix in the grass from nails in our butes, from torchlight procos— Biont, and from all now rum, deliver us! from pack peddlers; from young folks in luy, from old aunts withpflt money, and kokry mortis', deliver ins! Faoin newspaper sells, and pills that ain't flsic, from Temal s who faint, and men who tUttor, doliver m! From virtue without fragrance, from biittor that sinolls, from uamp-mettmgs, and from cats that nre oourtinir. deliver us! .From other: folks* secrets, and from our, own, and womon ; comiiiittees. doliver us 1 : From,folks who won't laugh, and from them whogiggefrom tile butes, easy virtue, and rain muttw, deliver us 1 '