AMERICAN HUMOR.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1020, 11 March 1882, Page 2 (Supplement)

AMERICAN HUMOR.

setf cbrtp\feted,. ffad'fcL en' offide. 1 ' 1 It' c'dii'' «J ste'iif i 1 ®{ebtf steel t&p[\wAMhtM to hold ■■" ■ W" ffl 1 ' 'cl'ffli'i 1 ntroW Wghti l r by Vin 11 > egant Tarkisk rug. !,Jl The lftoineht wlßttpfiri' !: j•' ■'&'' 'cdntf kctor, ?or .quack- doctor f enterU i if 'ifritotteitoi d,ernafldi reparation 'and rfciil i 'actibif- l6r an article that haa gored 'andjoutnu rp' visitor '• iii'i xin«'Btion,>' by d i )fit''ffierely: touching ia springj ia clamped m iWuffd' .the'iimi 'andlegabyiistrongisteol ; fi sprliigSi in Xvhich' conditioiillie tO c : theVferouttd'flodr.carefully chloroformed; .-,r tjanaed over to the regular.p.oliceman tJookedasa 'drunk.Wefindthis method far preferable to beating a,man ,over,the head t; j i \|ith! tiilcluV,' as ititayes wa,»Mng;Uj,w4, cleaning i the/ oarpets, and staining tne.pffiee , clubiwith.bairand,bloqd.and fchingß, ; [. ~, I A jfonng lniy going'.to San;Jpß6 lately \ost. tier»head;>aftd her- trunk was found,close,to ~ Hie raila:at,tho;Town?end?tre6^epJt. ; ~ was ive^- inconvenient %• her,-as. she WM ; ,j going ito j avparfcy that:night, and,her hall., ! dress Was!in the trunk.; By, telegraphing,. . However,' from Sau Mateo the,trunk was sent on by the next train, and no, disappointment resulted from what might be a serious miaj , liap. (The dailies have, all got a mixed up, yam, about officer: Sam Alden arresting a wooden. leg- for drunkenness, and locking upia 0ne..,, alrmed man for. picking a man's pocket with One'' hand While he garrotcd ; him ,)vith| Jihe ; other. And, as if not content with the re*,,, oital of! these marvellous feats of the genial policeman f in. question, they top off, with an , account of a helpless paralytic-kicking in the front door of a private dwelling, and a man, without legs and arms, both of; whom were , snaked in by Sam, the last named on a charge , of pocket-picking. It is such items as those tliat depreciate Beourities abroad, and they , are alike a misfortune to the country, and an ijisult to: la most-worthy member of the force, '•'■■■'■■ ■ ' .■■ ■ ; ■'' I At-apartythis week at a dancing academy,., where the refreshments were limited to a flow* 1> ing limpid stream of Water from a silver* ; plated faucet attached to a marble-topped ,• wash basin, Miss Fuggleton observed, after ,; a waltz 'of twenty minutes, to her partner,. j ; Mr. Sparing, wouldn't it be too,lov'ely r if we could only-get a -little lemonade 1 I'Nothing easier," replied that hero of a thousand- victories when called on to buy ice iream after the theatre; " I'll get a glasa of : ivater ftnd lOok sour at it, aiicLtheroiWO are.. : : But Miss Fugglcton says lie's a nasty,-mean i ihingj all the same, for there,was an'ico eriiam'and oyster saloon adjoining, the ihal)| ind she was tired of dancing afld he knewiti; | We regret' to- have to announce that onr ; , report of' the coursing meeting this week Is i ! iomewhat meagne, owing to the fact that our - special reporter, who is an Englishman, <andi pretends 'to .know all about hares and dogfy ; sent us the following:—" Plenty, of hares, and beer only 10 cents a glass. -1 bet all my money on the wrong dog, and would be > obliged if you would file my- petition in imok'i ■ vency in department 10. I have started.to.; ' walk down to the city, and expect 'to arrive next week, Sang two comic songs last • . night for my bed, and did a clog-dance as« aetoff'for breakfast." / Our Eastern contemporaries are an wild , over a new kind of nursery thyme, but our i devil says that he can discount any that'he has Been'yet, and hands in the following i-r.' , : 'A : lady who suffered from nhtli®,- ' ■ ; i! '; ,v : Wheti aSked by her lover for klithiria, .? 1 ~ Sftij, '* I'voaueH acoujgli, ■> • •• -A ; You had bettor go ongli. _ j, : And bo courting some healthier nmthisls.