FUN.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1014, 4 March 1882, Page 2

FUN.

Next time you shiver at having a tooth ' pulled, think of Joseph Brooks, of Coloi rado. He lay still and let a bear v . oliew . his arm off and thereby saved tlje^iiit of his body. Come to read the item over , again, it was a wooden arm, but Joseph wasn't to blama for that. , " That fellow is just like a telescope,"' ) said a dashing New York girl " You can draw him out, see through him,' and ■■ 6hut him up again." ; "What is your wife's little game.?" asked a Mend of a henpecked huaband. -'•When she gets thoroughly mad," he replied," it's draw poker." " Girls will be girls," Bays a contemporary. Oh, no, that's a mistake. If the gals' wishes are consulted they will be married women some day. We notice that Professor Mikulicz has i invented an instrument for illuminating i and inspecting the oontentß of the stomaoh, , This is all very well, but if some of our ; dietary preparations were treated in this : way before we attempt to get outside ■ them, a good deal of trouble might be , saved. " What's the contents of a German aauaane, sir 1" ' , "No woman is worth looking at after i thirty," said young Mra A.,, a bride with the arrogant youthfulnesß of twenty-one , summers—" Quite true my dear" an- "f" | swered Lady D., a very pretty woman of 'li some ten or fifteen years older; " nor worth listening to before." A lover once wrote to a lady who had rcjooted him, saying that he intended "to retire to some secluded spot and breathe out his life in sighs," to which the lady roplied by inquiring whether they were to be medium or large size. The man has [ not since been heard from. ; "I am astonished my dear young lady • at your sentiments; you make me start." "Well sir, I have been wanting you to ■ start for the last hour." ; i _ Nothing so confuses a lover while maki ing a declaration of the tender passion as , to be obliged to stop and sneeze during i the recital. ' i Strange.—lt iB considered a wrong , thin? for a husband to strike his wife, but . perfectly right for a wife to collar and ouff f her husband. : A Montana Indian, who was recently . convioted of murder, expressed his opinion .of the lawyer who defended him with dei licioußfrankness: "Lawyer too muoh ! talk; heap fool. i . Which was the moat formidable stand i made for liberty ?—The inkstand, i Naomi, the daughter of Enooh, was i 580 years old when Bho got married, Take courage, ladies. A medical writer says children need more wraps than adults. They generally , get more, ,- "Ifind that with' light meals my health improves," said an Esquimaux; / and down went another candle. V It's rather rough on an old maid to draw a gontleraau's dressing-gown at a ohurcli bazaar when her young sister draws a '5 gentleman. ~ .■•-,. : ~.. ~ It is said that love conquers all things', ' / but ajumping toothache, that knows its i its business and strictly attends to it, can, i' ; for the time being, make a man forget iV that he ever loved at all. • ; _An old bachelor who particularly hated r literary women, asked an authoress if she , J could throw any light on kissing.—"l/: could," said she, looking archly at°him ; ':•' " but I think it's better in the daik£ f