Wit and Wisdom.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1008, 25 February 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

Wit and Wisdom.

I . A bad niaraiage is liko an #lectri»machine:j jit makes you danoo, but'yoli can't" let go.< ]' 1 i ■; i .'."Ehat'i whatl< call r 'al finished' said a lady to her r huabafid;! as l they wended I jth'ejr ; l.way -fcom.-.ohurclii:! " ; Yes'," r was - the ; i I'OfiJyjtut, ; do ~yo\\-[know,!! I :thQugUti it "> iwould never,be.";.,,;/ ,'jr; ib i rLO " .'.ihe '/ibllpwing; .atlyertement jappearedi' ago [T%scWQf.Babbi-:,, priestj^hpjC^^., sing Well 1 for five' weelss ffom the" 1 7th June ;i '£2 2s', ; aweek,"" I The Rcy, Pr.„Bu|), cano^'of Oxfordj 'being'asked-if ,to jth'd tiishopfjc bf'the ;'se'i£ replied that 1 h'e hail' but one objection fa it, which tfas','that'in. stead ';of -signing' Ink ; nairic, J as ; at '.present,'• John Bull, he should be) obliged' to si^n,'Joliii *■ Ojtoni' ; '■ '-'f • 'Th'o witty' Dr. 1 . Soi\th,' : wheii preaching' 1 .before' CliarlWl, 1 , EaW- that the King 1 and' I his! attendants were : disposing themselves tt» ; sleepyi whenj!pausing.in his sermon, lib said!'l I'MiOrd i Lauderdale,- let :; mo r entreat you .to ? touao; yourselfy.ou snoro" so loud ithat you! will'swi\ke the,King."| -; r r J t /rrvtr.ri!» «C I It is stated of a Venetian, ajgreat! humor- 'f isfc,, who. ciied-somojeM since, that ;he .madow of torchep, for his 'funeral, .which:, pe'cau'sed^to,.be. privately-, loaded with crackers,' and anticipated to'a confidential, iricnti the hubbub' which'would "result from* ; he explosion, • and which lie <■-' calculated I '' hould take.place in the most inconvenient 6pote. It is,-added.that:the result,verified the ; most - sanguine expectations of, the.pro. jectjor.'', ~ ' ' . • . ; j Reynolds, in his.," Life .and Times, ; .says j-. ; I' Met|,also',afreCj-arid-easy actor, .who, told m0, )2 that,he had passed thrqe festive:days atjthe,,, seat,o! the Marquis and Marchioness of-,-anyiiiVitfition, convinced..(as. proved . to"' be the case).that lord and my lady, not" lieing 'dn speaking terms, eachwould sup-' 1 I pose tke other liiul asked him." ; 1 I I Thii followirig occurs in a'biography of the''' craltQfeorgb Stephenson: "By an'cxtraor-''' kihary coincidence, which I cannot remember ■ to have seen remarked upon, it was th'e'very ' 1 year iii which George Stephenson was born— : I namely, 1781—that Dr. Erasmus Darivin first' 7' ■published,'- in his "Botanic Garden,'? ■ - rjienidrableprediction: •! . !.4 Soon shall thyarm uueonquered steam;' afar -Drag, the slow barge or drive tho rapid car, wO ,01', ,on slow waving wings expanded, bear; •' 'the flying chariot; thro' the fields of air.; -i, M] , I A'rbachelor.-'too poor toget' married,.'yet .'too susceptiblo to let this girls alone, was rid-• iig with.a lady "all of a summer day,-V ; imd? r.-: Vccidently dropped an arm lound her waist.,,,i .No objections was made for awhile;and the,,!! a'i'ih gradually rel cvcd tho side of th'o carriage; of the pressure upon it.But,.-'of .a, sudden, ' ( " whetherlfroin a late rccognition'of tlid imprc« ;priety of ho thihg or,tho s'glit ;6f another |. J _ beau coming, never was known, :! tbe : f lady. ;:l ' ; started with volcanic energy and' with' a flasiif J< lig.oyeexclaimed; "Mr. B., 1 1caliku^orfc'. 1 niyself." ; "Capital," was the instant reply, '{you are just the I have been looking for 1 - these fiye years. . Will you marry me!" m •• i A'tamrat had been dancing all night over >"•} tho head of h'B landlord; - 'At six'in tlie r "'i - nioming, the latter"comes up stairs, and com« 1 r plains, bitterly of -theiinnoyanpej, 7 .-! '■ What! -t annoyance?" asks the tenant. Why-:I- ~ haven't slept a wink all night,' is the a'nswer ( -., •"Neither,have,-1," says the tenant, "and.yet, I don't niake any fuss about it," . . 'Am horsea wounded in battle called hors , i|t du combat. ■' -., v>',■ A young lady onco hintcclto a gentleman, ,t that her thimble was worn out, ; and asked j ' what reward she,merited for her industry;i He sent her answer in the shape of a thimble, ;,;]V on which the J foHo\ving lines''were,engraved: I,send you a thimble, for fingers minble; j; , lt , ' "Which I hope-will witwhen-you try it.:...,,; It will last you long, if it's Ealf as-strong }" r ' r , As the bint which you gave.m'cto buy it J y ■ .QUESTIONS .TiiAT WBHBUHHEdESSm.-T* m " Vou liaven't nsberi'me all the questions. Now, don't tay you liavo,' for you kiio'w you haven't anid ah; American ciiizeu- to a Icbnsus blliciW (:t ." Noj'Vreplicd/thelatter, .demurely j i'Mhaven't? , asked you, sir, whether yon can lda'd .or, write. l „} because that "would bo an insult; ,1 haven't asked ~v you wliethor you were a ilegro, be.cause reansee thjit you are not;'l ha'vetft'nslidii ybii wliotKer you are lame, or blind, or deaf, for tho 'same ; reason;, and; I hayen't.wktd, you ..whether yoi(i' 'ate an idiot, becnuso that is ti'nnecessaiy," '