Facetiœ.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1003, 18 February 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

Facetiœ.

Foot-bull;—A bunion. .. The holiday sea-son.—A yatchsman; •;. A-'. A Daniel come to juuVmont.—" Prisonor, havo you evor been convicted?" "No, your honor." " Well, you're going to bo. Sit down till-tho caso has been decided,"' '. '." ' ''•' Superflous. - " And so you loam dancing;, Bob 1 And how do you liko valsing?" "Oh, it's not •bad! I canmanage very well myself but I think a girl's rather ib the way/ 1 ' ■ M. ■ do, Caliuaux i gives his servant a letter : " Tako it at onco to the post." " Oh,- monsieur, it weighs tQp ,nmo|ii, Permit mq to advisomonsiourtp put on another stamp," "What! lomako it still lieavior? Never in the world!'!. ■ ... , A Warning.-'[Seehere,.you. lovers/?'said a plain sjibkcn'bld man to an' affectionate young pair. ",Seo here, if you go taking moonlight strolls on■ the railway/you mustn't be ottehded i if the coroner doesn't recognise'you'when he : is called to view you officially!''• : :'!.■'• -i'.ClubistiA. was .telling a story in ■ the club, Clubist 8., ,whoii: it: was 'finished, said, ."Well,, that reminds me of another anecdoto," and he related it. A. thereupon. remarked; ; '>. I don't see how what you haye told us recalls my story." '"'lt does," replied 8., ."because mine was on tbe samo page of Joe Miller as yours."' '" Shut your oyes and open'- your mouth," he said to her playfully; and she, rath the implicit •confidence oflovo, did ai he bade her.: .Then,bo carefully solected a plump, "early" strawborry from a basket full of that, fruit, which ho ; <had purchased atthe rate of twenty cents a berry, and droppod it into (lie rosy hollow of hor moutb. iSho sprang,to. hor, feet instantly, and spitting out 1 tho berry, said indignantly, "Wlmt.did you do J that for,, you nasty thing? You know.l liato lemon-juice," ' , A gentleman of the Civi| Service at Rangoon recently applied,'it is said, 1 for leave, on urgent private afiaifs, and tho Government granted tho ■ lcavo'on liis'explainiug'that he wished to marry. •On the expiration of his leave he returned,-still unmarried, and the secretary wrote, asking; for .an explanation of such conduct on tho part.of a eoijttomtuv.-.TliB reply .was as follows:-" Sir 1; I ,have, the honor to iuform.you, in answer to your '.No. B. 23 pf.the 21st April last, on taking leave, I fully ih'tonded to marry; but, on my arrivnlin : England,l found theldyin question entertained frivolous 'objections to my personal appearance. , I have the honor to be sir, your obedient ' :'Mlss Eltingj of Port Jervis, New York JBihf the dog barking, outside, and discovered tho roof., Sire ordered him down, and r came sho collarcdjn'm. Ho struggled de>|mb?ly, trying to throw.hpr into the river. .Sho finally got liim.down, and placing her knees'on him held him until help arrived. If tho'burglar should only marry 1 her and take hor into partnership, what'a business they would dbi ' '' : 1 ' Titi' SxEiiN , Vauent.-A mean man 1 is ■always sure' to get his desserts sooner or later, A Milkwaukco fStlh r, who refused to piio his daughter to a Now Orleans gambler, not only ut had her clopo tho samo day, but tho noxt night J the hiisband canto bnck.'killed tho 'bid man with ] ; nbuig ! starter! amhvalkcd off'with 1 a box con- "- ' taming lSo,'opodol;in governments, It's vetting abouttimefor fathers to understand their place -in society,. • : ;■ • .'.;.•.