PARLIAMENTARY ANECDOTES.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 4, Issue 1003, 18 February 1882, Page 1 (Supplement)

PARLIAMENTARY ANECDOTES.

i. .The following at's,'a eoriesof anecdotes frip >li\ Jonniiigs;;l'Aiieoilotitl'j.Bistpry;, of the Britisl^Parliament," one of tho mostiutoreating.books; of the, kind, in ; tho, language ::r ■ : Here- is • aii anecdote! of' EHmuliil Bn rke} hot wanting in pointWhilo speaking 'on the Ci vil List, Burko was annoyed by tho repeated interruptioiis Of' »■ Member who- occupied a] I positiOn'in the Royal household'; and who,; ambiig'other ejaculations',' called on the orator! to remehiber his cluty to tho King, - ] ' At this! the speaker paused and remarked ' that lie' ] was pS^fefitly-ready■' to honour the .King, "but i'ho did tiOfcM himself constrained, therefore, •to' hdhdiir tllo • Kind's man •servant,' his maidservant; His ox, and—fixing his: eyes ■ upon the 1 obnoxious; his 1 ass.?" ■ As charming;a =fltory aa can be found iii Mr. Jennings' niost interesting book is anotliet ofl : Burke. Observe 1 his structure—its legs,{ 'its wings, its' eyes!" ! Sir Phillip Francis liasno' timo'to .examine, tho griwahoppor, [and spoko'of his business. 1 It' ,the : Warren Hastings matter. ;" Yet Socrates," continued! •Burke, - " according to an exhibition ofiiim inl Aristophanes, attended -to a much lesser| animal j ; he actually measured the proportion] which its size boro to tiie space it passed over at a ! skip, ; I think the skip of a grasshopper doe Snot exceed it in'length.- Lot us see." "My dear friend," said Sir Phillip, "I am in a great hurry! let us walk in and let me readmy-papers to you." Into'the house they walked.- ' Sir Phillip began to read, and'Biirkei appeared to'listeh.. At length, Sir- Phillip having mislaid a paper, a pause ensued. ; "I .think,"' said 1 Burke, that'naturalists aroj 'tibw agreed iM'Mstm, not eicada, is the: •Latin word for grasshopper. What's your I opinion, Sir Phillip? "My opinion," 1 'answered Sit Phillip, packing up his papers I and preparing tq'niove off, "is that till the gras'aho'ppcr is out of your head it willbe idlej Id talk to y'ort of the concerns of India. " ■■■•* i When w,o coino to Sheridan we have ma'hy' flashes, of his wit,' whether'elaborated oi? 1 not! we cannot'say. Moore,'who wrote his life, | with a frankness which 1 must almost have! made Sheridan "shake in his grave, "exposes! the note-books of this famous Wit. He j employ's;his fancy in'his narrative ami keeps j his;recollections for-his wjtb," is expanded; into,'" when ho',makes hisjokeS you'applaud! the acciiracy of his : memory,' And' 'tis oftlyi when ho states'his ■facts that-yon admire the • flights of his iiuaginatipn." But the thought: wns'toO'gdbdto be tliua wastedon tiio 'desert | air of a cominonplaco n'oto'-book. So forth it ■ .came at the expense of, Kelly, who, having: been, a composer of music became a wiue. merohanfc, .You will,"; Said the ready wit, : "import your music and compose your wine." ■ -.ln the House of Commons an, easy ; and apparently !olf-hand parenthesis,was thus, filled up with it at Mr. Diuidas' cost, and charge, " who generally resorts.io his memory -j for his jokes and to ; his imagination for his | facta," .. . ! -

Sinco We have whitebait in our waters, and might have future Ministerial dinners, it is worth while recalling Erskine's saying about' this feast:-' Being asked by the Secretary of the Treasury whether-he would attend the; Ministerial dinner to be given at Greenwich: at the endof the season; he answered, "To : bo sure I will; what would your fish dinuer be'worth without the Great Seal?" Whether consistency be like constancy a'jewel,; politicians are quite uncertain 'about-; still, Lord Eldon' was delighted at having been, consistent, He himself relates the following anecdote—"What, charmed me-very •much' when I left the theatre and was trying-to got, to my carriage was, one man in the crowd shouted out,' Here's old Eldon! cheer hiin, for ho never ratted I' I was delighted, for I never did rat, I will not say I have been: right through life;. I may havo been wrong,, but I never ratted."

Soino of the first lifts to fortune are curious, and Prof. Byrne's account of Home Tooke's advent to Parliament is among the most remarkable, Lord Camelford; who was a maniac, thought that Pitt, who was his kinsman, had treated him badly, arid determined to put his black servant Mungo into his borough of Old Sarum, being so advised by Tooke.' Lord Camelford agreed, but the next day thought better of it, and told Home, Tooke so. "Well, said ho, the next best thing you can do is to put mo in," This was done, and Home Tooke, who had in 1 early life taken holy orders, sat till the end of that .Parliament., There is a smart saying of his: -; •"I uiidera'twd, Mr, Tooke, you have all the blackguards in London with, you," said o!Brien to him'on the hustings at Westminster. . "Tain happy to hear it, sir,' on such: !g'ood authority,' Tooke responded,, Vulgarj language in high places, as a heading to an anecdote, : is, in other words, the use of good round English, When, then, Lord Althrop' saw that his resignation was inevitable, all ho' said.was, "The Pig's killed." Mr. Jennings! tells that a "porcine,illustration was not new; in history. When Henry VIII. was '.cohsid-j ering the best means of procuring his divorce: from Catherine pi Aragon, ho gave '.'his decision in favour of Cranmer's opinion,' by ( saying,' Cranmer has got the right sow by the ear."',, : ','-.. ■'•■"'

As unexpected an opinion is one of the, Duke of Wellington given by Lord Plunket! when the hero of .Waterloo was a young man: ! " Being on a Committee with him, the Duke! (then Captain Wellesley or Wesley) was, I; recollect, playing' with- one of thoae_ toys; •called quizzes the whole time of the sitting of. .the committee,!!. Lord John Russell states! that "this trait.of the. Duke's coincides per-! fecfcly with all that I havo ever heard about; this great man's apparent frivolity at that period of his life;!': Luttrell, who -was twOj years olderthan the Duke, had the courage, to own, in the face of all the Duke's present glory, that often, in speculating on the future .fortunesiofi the young men. with whom he! lived, he said to himself when looking at Wellesley's vacant face, "Well, let who will] ■get on in this world,- you certainly .will not,"| No one could take O'Connell at a disadvan-, tage, During a,Dublin election,, when a Mr.; West was opposed 'to him, O'Connell nick-! ■named:him '!Sow West'' and "Ugly West.'' "Gentlemen," said West, good humouredly,| ."Mr, O'Connell takes advantage'of me, for ; he woars a wig.": "I scorn the advantage," l exclaimed Daniel, casting off .the ornament,! and exhibiting a scalp without a hair ,'it'arid' heaven.' : ." I scorn the: advantage ; t compare us now, boys; is S'ow.West the' beauty?" Of Palmerston, he had humour of genial givo-and-take character, which was of great service to him as a party leader; Once Mr.- Osborne, a popular speaker, regretted ni personal conflict he had had withPalmerston.' "Tell him," said' Lord Palmerston,, "that I am not ih'the least -offended, the - more .par-j ticularly because I think I had the best, of j '•\V' Lord Derby, when in office, paid. Prince Alfreds pretty compliment, i Having.passed ■his examinations as a Cadet, his proud father,' Pririco Albert, sent Derby the papers, which' ':Alfred' haft solved. In his reply, after tliank-j ing the Prince for sending him the i papers,! Lord Derby wrote:—"As I lootadoverthem,! I could not but feelverygratef ul that no suoli' examination was necessary -to qualify Her, Majesty's' Ministers for their offlceSj as it would very seriously increase the difficulty' j ,of 'framing'an administration. 1 ' ■'■■■•■■ ! I : Of Mr. Disraeli tl.dro'seems to'be no doubt . as to the authenticity of the story Mi\ Torrens ' tells of him itfhis" Memoirs' of' Melbourne." 176

Young Pisraelijiad just, returnod from the •East, and had b.oen oskedby Mr., and Mrs. Norton to meot.Lord •Melbourne, at dinner. ;The youngirompoer had just been defeated in his 'attempt to,get info Parliament for • Wycombe. ■.;! Melbourne : was. interested in the young man, attracted-more and. moro as; ho listened to tho uncotnmonplace language and spirit of the youthful politician, and thought to himself he would be well worth serving, asked him, ''Well, now, tell; ine; what you want to be?" Disraeli's reply.fairly took the Homo Secretary nbaok. ".I want to be Prime Minister!" ,;Melbourno gaye ; a.long ; sigh and then said seriously,."No chance of that in our time," Then the good-natured Melbourne gavo him Borne ideas of the.party, and mentioned .those, men- whom ho,.thought only could attain such high dignity;.", How, both would have been startled had tlicir sibyl-liko hostess unfolded then and there in prophetic dreamfthe fatpjn storefor each," ■•■. ;.y. Mr. Torrens also mentions that, in later years,; .when Lprd-Melbourno, listened to.tlio terrible! ; onslaughts! by his early acquaintance on Peel, | he recalled his.strange,'talk' 'at Storey's 'Cratoi and exclaimed—"By Jove, I believe he' will do it, after all!" 'Possibly! the neatest, the. most dexterous thing ever done by the Earl! of Bcacorisfield'wiis ah'episode in the Housoj ,w 1875, when tho Bubject being' the Peaco ' Preservation ; Bill, ihe was frequently inter-j rupted.'by the Irish members!. It was! with] great'dimculty thathd'coiild'keep the'ritteri-j : tibriof : thefioußo.'' "VVhatho did was what] ,Mr, 'Gladstone'would' have'looked at with| holy horipr-^he'.told'a : clever story in the; most approved : "Lothair"' or ; '.'Undymion"! mariner; Brbaching'bri tho Ribbon conspiracy,! he was met with eries'from the' Opposition.! "I am surprised," he said, "to find country! .members for-Ireland rising upiiithoir places! and dpubting the' existerico of tho'llibbonj conspiracy. ' I B'ayi sir; thai siioh'incredulity j is simply, astonishing. I recollect; a member! ■of Parliament,' one 'of the grcates't-orii'aineiitsj of this House, who sat upon the bench; wh'oj filled'th'p office wliich I so unworthily occupy, j That member w'as Mr. l Cannirigi ; 'and' , 'at' the time, brides the'discovery of thonew world, dry .champagne was invented. ; Mr. Canning, | hearing .every one; talk of! the hew wine, i 'wished' to taste it, .Mr/ Elice got up a party iii 'order to gratify Mr.'Canning's desire, .'and the''dry. cha'hipngne was''.introduced,' : and ;Mr. Canning after 'drinking 'his'wine'and thinking a mo'meht.said :-;'ThP man who sayshe'likcs dry champagne'will : say aiiy:thihg,'",l don't waht.t'o enter iu'tp any rude controversy "with 'any of my 1 friends wlioi doubt tlie' existence of Ribbbiiisiri iii Ireland,! but I, will say that the man who doubts the! existence of Ribbp'nisin is a man who ought) to' drink dry cliampagiie.'" The persiflage: here is exquisite, and tliere is just that' dash!

of disdain about it that must have been all the more effective. . Of Beaconsfield's great rival smart sayings are hardly to be expected. Perhaps thobest thing he said was in 1.869, when, in the discussion :of the Lords' amendments; to the, Irish .bill, he said:— "Ma can hardly expect of the House of Lords that it should appreciate tlielliumblo: winch govern the special .relations between each member of Parliament and ithe .portion; of: .the British' .peopleithat:it represents. From.tho great ominence on which..they sit; ; they.cau no more:discus3 the minute particulars .of :Our transactions than could a man.in a: balloon," And this saying of • "the Lords in a balloon" was freely applied to the Upper House for quitc : a number of years. , No book of Parliamentary anecdotes would be complete without; something from Sir Boyle Roche. As.a member of the Irish : Parliament in tho period preceding the union,; he achieved renown; by the remark that he could not be, " like a bird, in two places at once." Some other sayings imputed to hini are scarcely less celebrated. "I would gladly; Mr.'Speaker, sacrifice'not only a part of the .Constitution, but the whole of it to preserve theiremainder." And: again, speaking; of what might be expected if;the leaders of the rebellion gained'sway,' "Our heads will be upon that table to stare us in the :face."' To him also is ascribed that example of mixed metaphor: "I smell a rat, Mri Speaker; I see him floating in the air, but I will nip him in tho bud." But oh one occasion Sir Boyle gained a victory over Curran in, a contest id the Irish House. -"Do not speak of my- Honor,":-said Gurran; "I am the guardian of my-owh honor." "Faith,V replied Sir Boyle, Roche,," I knew that at some time.,or .other you would accept a .sinecure.'I—((ksgoftCitarn, 1 — ((ksgoftCitarn, ' .'' j