A NATURAL MISTAKE.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 3, Issue 924, 14 November 1881, Page 1 (Supplement)

A NATURAL MISTAKE.

Squire M'Gill Lad occasion to go to town the other week, and while there he went into a grocery mid purchased a dozen lemons, making the remark to the, lady clerk that ho guessed he'd have some lemonade when lie got home. "Don'tyou want a squeezer?" she asked, "Marraf " Won't you have a squeezer f . " Won't I have a squeeze, sir 1 Well, warm, ef I was a young man I would. But I've been married nigh on to 30 years, and tho old lady is dreffle sot agin huggin' out o' the family." An explanation was made, and the squire bought a squeezer to settle it. THE PACE OF LANGUAGE. Shelley tells an amusing story of the influence that language " hard to he undflrstood" exercises on the vulgar wind, Walking near Convent Garden he accidentally jostled an' Irish navvy, who, being in a quarrelsome mood, seemed inclined to attack the poet, A crowd of ragged sympathisers began to gather, when Shelley, calmly facing them, deliberately pronounced," I have nut my hand into the hamper, 1 have looked on the sacred barley, I have eaten out of the drum, I have drunk, and am well pleased, I have said 'Knox ompax, and it is finished," The effect was magical; the astonished Irishman fell back; his friends began to question him. "What barley)" "Where's the hamper?" " What have you been drinking?" and Shelley walked away unmolested.

SUPPKESSIO VERI- ' Small Boy (construing): "■ But tlie crocodile—" Schoolmaster: " 1 am Bure you got 'crocodile' out of a crib," Pfpallßoy: "No, sir! Indeed, sir, I {jidnV' Schoolmaster (severely): "I know you did. And as you've told a He about it " [prepares cane.] Small Boy (terrified): " No, sir—indeed, I didn't tell a lie, sir! Please sir-it's 'alligator' in the crib !" [Tableau'— Cane comes down heavily.]

TEN DAYS TOO LATE,

■A man wlio lives in the Saginaw Vajley was at the depot to take the train fpr home. As he was buying his ticket, an old friend, who lives in Detroit, slapped l|ini on the shoulder and gave him greeting. After a few salutations the Detroiter asked: " Have you married asjainf ••No," KQoyou wapttof (■Yep," I'Oome with me I know a widow I can recommend." "Can we get back to the depot in 50 minutes f "Yes j easily," "Very well; lend the way." That's all that was said about it tin til they reached the Central MarketThe Detroiter walked the valley num. lip to the Bland of a veil-known and fair-looking widow, and said: ■ "Mrs Blank, my friend has only a few minutes to spare. You are a widow V " Yes." "Three children!" "Yes." "Worth 6,000 doll" "Yes." "Healthy, good-natured, and a member of the Baptist Church V "Yes." "Very well. This is Mr Blank, of Saginaw. He is <|7 years of aga, sound as a dollar, owns a good farm,, lias two children, and is looking for a, seqond jyife. Do you like his looks 1 Will you encourage him ? Do you think yon ■eould love him 1 He is in a hurry and can't fool away time. Yes or no." "No," replied thowicow ; as she arranged her pie-plant and radishes. ten days too late, I am engaged to a widower in Toledo." ••" That's honest Injun 1" • ('Trueas I live."' f' Nuf ced—good morning, and he ■has; thirty-one minutes left to go to the train." Ajidthe Saginaw widower picked tip his grip-sack and wilked off without change of countenance.

LOSERS OF MONEY,

... " Pardon me for troubling you, sir, but did you drop a sovereign ?" asked a man with an earnest look on his face and a memorandum book in his hand of a well (tossed individual on Ludgatehill. The man addressed ran his hands nepyously into various pockets and replied, " Well, now, I declare! Can it be.possible that I was so careless as to .drop it? Ves, it's gone! I must have lost- it- here, near where we stand." The man opened his memorandum book, took from his vest pocket the stub of a' lead pencil, and said," Will you favor me with your name and address J" They Were given, and the questioner moved on, when the well-dressed man cried, '•Hi, there! Where's the money ? Give me my sovereign!" "Oh I didn't find »ny money ! I took a notion this morning that in a city like this, where thousands of pounds are handled every )io«r, there must be great losses, and Startedwt to investigate the matter. Between here and Charing cross I found seven men who had lost sovereigns, and I expect to run the list up two hundred before !reach the bank. Good day sir!"

The higher you nre lifted by the remarks of a flatterer the flatter you feel when you come down to the truth again.

"Don't cut," murmured a sleepy CUBtomer in the barber's chair fresh from an all night poker party. " don't cntj let'em ran"

. ,;_ Old provcrh: "The darkest hour is ■ : just before the dawn," remarked Sambo when he started out before daybreak to Bteal a young chicken for breakfast, ■ ' ■ "Storage ,of force:" The Home 'Secretary.tells us that this must mean -.l'concealing:a policeman undor the kitchen table." " Is this the Adams House f asked a t,j stranger of a Bostbhion,''" Yes" was 11 ttio>k "its Adam's house until you