THE DUTCHMAN AND HIS TELEPHONE.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 3, Issue 755, 29 April 1881, Page 2

THE DUTCHMAN AND HIS TELEPHONE.

"I guess I haf to gif up my (telephone already," said an old citizen of Gratiot Avenue yesterday, as he entered the office of the Company with a very long face, "Why, what's the matternbw?', "Oh eferythings, I got that telephone in my house so as I could shpeak mit der poys in der saloon down town, and rait my relations in Springwells; but I haf to gif it up, I never haf so much droubles," "How?" "Vhell, my poy, Shon in der saloon, he rings der pell and calls me oop und says an old frent of mine vhants to see how she works, Dot ish all right. I say' Hello 1" and he says 'Come closer.' I goes closer and holloea again. Dan he says, shtand a little off.' I shtands a little off and yells yunce more, und he say, ' Shpeak louder.' I yells louder.' It go dot vhay for ten minutes, and den he fays,' Goto Texas you old Dutchmans.' You see?" "Yes," Und den mein brudder in Springwells he rings der pell and calls me oop und sayß how I was this eafnings ? I says I rhas feeling like some colts, und he says, 'Who vhants to puy some goats?' Isays, 'CoUb—colts—colts 1' und he answers, 'Oh 1 coats I thought you said goats!' Vhen I goes to ask him if he feels petter, I hears a voice oryinh oudt, 'Vhat Dutchman ish dot on din line ?' den Bomepodyjuis.wers, 'I doant but I likes to punch hiß headt!" You sea?" " Yes." "Vhell", sometimes my wife vhants to shpeak mit me vhen I am down in de saloon. She rings mein pell, und I sea " Hello!" Nopody shpeaks to me. She rings again, and I says " Hello !" like dunder Den der .Central Office tells trie go aheadt, und den tells me holdt on, und den tells mein vife dat I am gone avhay. I yells out dot'ish not so, arid soinepody says, ' How can I talk if dot old Dutchmans doan'.keepshtill! 1 You see?" " Yes." " And vhen I gets in bedt at night, somepody ring der pell like plazas, and vhen I shumps oudt and says, 'Hello"/ I hear somebody saying, 'Kaiser; doan' you vant to puy a dorg ?' I vhants no dorg, und vhen I telta um so, I hear some peoples laughing, ' Haw I haw! havr!' You see?" "Yes," "Undsodake it oudt, und vhen somepody likes to shpeak mit me dey shall come right avay to mein saloon,. Oof my brudder ish sick heßliall get patter," und if somepody vhants to puy me a dorg, he shall come yhero I can punch him mit a glub."