ONE OF JOHN PHOENIX'S STORIES.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 2, Issue 457, 6 May 1880, Page 2

ONE OF JOHN PHOENIX'S STORIES.

Out in a. certain Western fort, some time ago, the major conceived that artillery must be used effectively in fighting •the Indians by dispensing ; with gun. carriages, and fastening the cannon on the backs of mules. - So he' explained his views.to the commandant, and .frwas determined to try the experiment. , A howitzer was: selected and strapped upon an ambulance mule, with -the muzzle pointing towards the'tail. iWhen they had .secured the gun and loaded :'it with ball cartridge, they led.the calniand steadfast mule out on the bluff, and set up-a target in the friy'er to practice at. 'The rear of the mule was'turned towards the target, andhe.was.backed- gently, up .to the edge of the bluff. .•" '.•';!' '." , if ' ' The officers stood around' in' ; i; semicircle, while the major iwe'ht,' uprand inserted a time-fuse in the vent' : of' the howitzer.- When the fuse was ready, the Major lit it and retired; • ; • In a. minute or; two| the hitherto unruffled "mule heard the phizzing back on his neck, and it.'made him uneasy,, fle reached his head around to ascertain what was going on, and as he. did sojhisjbody turned, and the howitzer, began to sweep around the\horizon,, : The mule,atiast became excited, and.his'.'.'curiosity became more and more'intense.; In a second or I two.he'waß standingiwith hia four legs in a bunch, 'making 'six revolutions per minute, and the howitzer threatening sudI den deathCto every; isian' within half a mile.' ' ■. •'.■■ ■■■ ■ '■■'..■.

The'commandant Was observed to suddenly- climb up a.tree; : officers' were' seen sliding oyer the bluff, into the.r;ver, as if care at allVabout iW high price of, uniforms" ;\ : ttig adjutant ,made ■ good.time,.towards the.'fort; a sergeant began to. throw., up bfe&tworks with his bayonet; and the.raajot' rolled over and gr0aned.;...,,.. \ ; ' . la a miriiite or.twi fhere was a puff of a. dull thud,'the mule, oh 1. where. :>as,lie ; l A Bolijary brute might have been seen turning; successful backsomersaults over the bluff, • only to rettt at anchor finally with, his: howitzer at the bottom of the river, while | the ! balluwent off towards the fort, hit the chimney in the major's ■ brick's 'down into the:.parlor, and f ripening the major's wife into convulsions. They, do not '■ allude to it now, and no "• report of the result of the experiment was ever, sent"to the'-War Department.