VARIETIES.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume 2, Issue 113, 20 March 1879, Page 2

VARIETIES.

Tho 4 ( ty'inco-Guard. The betrothal Little boy at tho opening spellinft-match—" Let's ; start'fair, grand--moriier. Y.ou take 1 Nebuchadnezzar,', iuid I'll'take 'cat.' , t

■:Qn being asked why.'he tat m vuptcy, Jones replied—" Well, my liabilities' -were large, my inabilities numerous, and my probabilities miprontisingj-and'so I tliought I'd do as my neighbors do." " You. want a flogging—that's what you Want," said a parent to an unruly son! "I know it, ditd ; but I'll try to get along Without it," returned Independent Hope- .

" Teddy, mo boy," said an Irishman to his nephew, " jist guess how many cheese there is in-this bag, an' faith- I'll give ye the whole five." " Five," answered Teddy. " Arrah, by my sowl, bad luck to the man that tould-ye !" exclaimed the uncle.

Yet another Warning.—A farmer's r wife lately entered a druggist's shop, and handed him two prescriptions to be pre-' pared; one for her hesband and the other for her cow. Finding however, that, she had not eufficcient cash to pay for'' both, 'she.took away that for the cow, saying, To-morrow will do very well* for my husband." " '

'lt is liigli time the question was putYoung America has always been noted for its inquiry mind. ,Onc of the many thousand budding Presidents now; residents in Chicago was told the other ..day by his " school-marm"- the story-'if -Wik liam Tell's famous shooting feat. The comment made upon the ..story of the patroitic paret was,'" Who ate the apple afterwards ]"

Science Extraordinary.—A Cockney conducted two ladies to an oliservatory to 1 sea an eclipse of the moon. They were too late, tins eclipse was over, and the ladies were disappointed.—" Oh," exclaimed our hero, " don't fret? I know the astronomer well. He is a very polite man, and I'm sure will begin again." Good advice.—We recommend the following to thoso who send communications to the Press Write upon pages of a singlo size, Cross your t's a nd neatly dot your is, On one side only let yourlines be see n Both sides filled up announce a Verdant Freen. Correct—yesre-covreetall thatyou write, And let your ink be black, your paper white; For spongy foolscap of a muddy blue Betrays a mind of the same dismal hue. Punctuate carefully, for on this score Nothing proclaims the practised writer more. Stranger (in back seats of new hall to architect whom ho does not recognise): " The acoustic principals of this hall must be villanoiisly bad. 1 cannot hear a word. the performers are saying." Architect (spitefully): "What can you expect? They're amateurs," Stranger: "I suspect it's tho architect who's the amateur." Architect collapses. Wild Young Dog!—A Kansas woman has reached the age of one hundred and thirty years, and it is a pitable sight to sec her one-hundred-years-old son sit in tho corner and wriggle while he sobs, "Ma, kin I go out !"