PITFALLS WHICH ALL COUPLES SHOULD AVOID.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume VI, Issue 8, 21 January 1905, Page 5 (Supplement)

PITFALLS WHICH ALL COUPLES SHOULD AVOID.

“Married couples resemble a pair oi scissors, often moving in opposite directions, yet always punishing anyone who conies between tlwun,” wrote Sydney Smith, wit and reformer, on one occasion, and it would indeed be a difficult matter to find words which, more exactly describe the matrimonial life of many people. To them, however,, married life is rarely a success. If two people are to live happily together, they must both move, or at any rate endeavour to move, in the same direction. That is to say, there must be no obstinate opposition. Each must study the other’s failings and characteristics, and make every effort not to clash with them.

It is wonderful what a difference it makes to the happiness of married life when husband and wife endeavour to see things, about which they* are inclined to differ, with each other's eyes and mind, so to speak. There are a hundred and one things which crop up during the first few months of married life, for instance, which are apt to spoil domestic happiness, unless the rule of give and take is followed out. A common failing with the young husband is to adopt the attitude of “I am master in my own home, and will have things done as I want them.’’ If naturally follows that his wife resents such despotism. She considers, and rightly so. that she should have some voice in all home matters,, and the sooner a husband recognises this, the sooner he will experience the true happiness of married life. To illustrate this point. There is a young couple living in one of the Northern suburbs of London, who, unless their conduct towards each other quickly improves. will soon be talking of a separation. They are both very much in love with one another, but both generally want to have their own way in all matters appertaining to the home. If people are invited to the house they generally have a spirited argument beforehand as to how they shall be entertained. If a new piece of furniture is added to the home, they dispute as to how and where it shall be placed, while, the baby is a rare bone of

contention. They are, in fact, always pitting their opinions and views against one another, and it is seldom one is ready to admit that the other is right. And the consequence is, of course, that their domestic life is thrown all out of gear, and neither can understand why their marriage seems to be proving a disappointment and failure.

Nothing is more distressing to onlookers, and disastrous to the happiness of married life than the constant nagging which goes on between certain couples. “The soft answer that* turneth away wrath” seems to them an utterly foolish policy to follow, while “Your will, my pleasure” is never dreamt of. They seem to possess the ic|ea that it is too derogatory to their dignity to study one another’s failings and make allowances for the same.

“The kindest and happiest pair Will find occasion to forbear; And find something, every day they

To pity, and, perhaps, forgive

It is the couple who base their lives on these delightful lines from Cowper’s

“Mutual Forbearance” who will make their married life the greatest success. Another fruitful source of unhappiness against which it is well to warn married couples, more especially those whose matrimonial experiences have only extended over a very short period, is that of living above one’s income. Many young couples are not content to begin as their fathers and mothers did, but must needs begin where they left off.

At first this policy seems to work very well. There are only themselves to think of. By and bye, however, the difference between income and expenditure is on the wrong side. It is, of course, at this point that matters should be re-arranged. But more often than not indifference or cowardice on the part of the husband, a reluctance to explain exactly how matters stand, prolongs the state of affairs, which frequently ends in disaster. The happiness of many a home might be saved if wives were taken into the husband’s confidence for women as a rule are unselfish and self-sacrificing. If a couple strictly avoid the afore-men-tioned failings, however, ‘their married life will not be a success unless they remain lovers throughout, Tne sad part of many marriages is that the love which brings them about is not of a lasting nature. It flames before it burns, an, consequently, does not endure. And as the old proverb says, “Love’s fire, if it once goes out, is hard to kindle.”