Page 4 Advertisements Column 5

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 293, 9 December 1902, Page 4

MRS CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LEUTUBES UP TO DATE.

; •« Caudle, wbat'a wrong with you! ' What are you grumbling and groaning at ? Trouble enough ! you say ? What : troubles you ? Is it Prohibition"? Humph ! 1 it 'ud take a sight of Prohibition to make i a decent husband of yon ! Didn't bat Prohibition ! Oh, you didn't ! Then what'* Wrong with you ? Peara to ma the ■ only ttouble you've got is a wife that'll 1 too gdod for you—yes, indeed ! Go to sleep ! No, I won't go to sleep none. A wofihen that has to stand what I do ought to be pitied, with a husband that 1 runs after beer like a kitten after it's own tail ! Only had one drink in thbe days ! Caudle—you're a perverter of the truth ; ' but silpposin', supposin', I say- d'ye hear, Caudle—don't think by pushing your nose into your beard you'll make me believe you're asleep. Supposing what ! I say supposin' you had only a pint of whisky ? Beer ! Beer, d'ye say ? What's the difference, any way ! Look what you could a' done with the money. Bought nails to mend the fence, or a rattle for Kate'B baby, or a Family Herald for me, or— Gimme a r*st ! Oh, yea ! You're a selfißh man, Caudle. Selfishness ain't no name forsich ! It's all genuine with you ; genuine this and genuine that, an' What about Christmas phisbnts ! Christmas presents ! Humph ! Is that your trouble? .Imphue ! Don't you imphus me, my man, Mind, I'm you* wife ; mind that ! What about the oiblb ! The girls !Is that a way to speak of Jour four married daughters ! Girli, fortooth ! Well, what about them ? What are" you going to get; Box o' Homdai Lanka Tea for each ! Honkai Lanka Tea! Well, well; I'm beginning to think you've some brains yet. . Yes, that'll do. I ■Wonder what you'd be without your Hondai Lanka? L'ke a barrel without 'top and sides ! It's good tea ! Ob, is this supposed to be news ? Good tea 1 humph ! I should think it was ! If you #ere as good as the tea, you'd do ! Ain't I satisfied !Of course I am, Didn't I hear you say everybody's satisfied with Hondai Lanka ? Well, well ; I do believe the fellow'B sleeping ! The cheek of him 1 I must say, though, that a box of that splendid tea'U make a fine Christmas present. Mustn't tell him so ; it takes so little to spoil a husband!" Mrs Caudle dropped off to sleep with a contented, happy smile on her face.

Nothing jars a chroDic invalid like being sold that he is looking well. Briggs: " What's your idea of heaven ?" Griggs : " Well, it's the way a man feels the first three days after he is home from a summer vacation." Mamma: " What » temper you're in ! What's the matter ?'' Tommy: " That new boy next door made me mad." Mamma : " Was he teasing you ¥* Tommy "Naw, I was teasin' him an' he jest wouldn't get mad at all." Johnny : " Mother, the baby has upset the inkbottle." Mother (rushing in); " Did he spill any ink on the carpet?'' Johnny (with exasperating calmneis) : "No mother ; there was no ink in the bottle."