Clippings.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 279, 6 November 1902, Page 4

Clippings.

Got the " pip "—An orange,

A character is not so easily trade as a complexion.

When a man is complimented he may not swallow it all, but be thinks there is something in it.

For every man who is his own worst enemy there are a hundred who are their own best friends.

I The honest man who pays his rent has to hustle', and the dishonest man who doesn't has to keep moving. A charming conversationalist is one who reminds you of things to say, and then listens while you say them. It is to be observed that the people - who offer bargains get richer faster than the people who take advantage of the Isame.

He: "I knovr it! I feel it! You have been flirting with some other man." She : " But, my dear, I was so lonesome without you." Judge: " What proof have wo that this mau is absent-minded ? " Lawyer: " Why, he actually stopped his motor car at a water trough." Mrs Hoyle : "My husband says that lam one woman in a thousand." Mrs Doyle : " Aren't you jealous of the nine hundred and ninety-nine ? " Ef Gabrul wuz ter blow his trumpet ter-morrer some er de fault-finders would rise an' tell 'im dat his musical eddication had been neglected. "Every nation ha 3 its customs," remarked an old ladj placidly, when informed thatjier husband had just been eaten by cannibals. "It's generally the case with bad boys," philosophically remarks Mark Twain, " that they look like their mother and act like their father."

', And what makes you think that I'm a slow reader?" asked MerriH. "Because," replied Miss Shyder, ' I lent you a book more than a year ago, and you don't seem to have finished It yet." "That sounds like hail," said the blushing bride as the shower of rice struck the top of the carriage which was conveying them to the railway Btation. " Well, it is hail to th<s bride," said the gladsome bridegroom gleefully. Fashionable doctor : " My dear young lady, you are drinking unfiltered water, which swarms with animal organisms. You should have it boiled—that will kill them." His patient: '• Well, doctor, I think I'd rather be an aquarium than a |cemetery."

An Irish yokel went once to fetch a pig y to be killed on the morrow, but he found y he had .to bring the tub too. His 8 sweetheart went to meet him, and they ; -p.ro ;;o:tn{ slowly home when Norah !: K'rlnay stopped and said, " Oh, Pat, I :.; ; nL ••■;•;-:."' "What are you afraid of, ■ii=•;.?" " I am afraid ye'll be after rir .oe," said Norah. "Begorra," '■".-.ld '-V, "howican I, wid a pig under C-Jhui -r said Norah shyly, " I thought <i a! nit the pig on the ground, put ■V-. iv*rhim, and we could ait on X.-c.iptatiou Overcome—A thirsty , ;;rrriv.o wandered into a Princess ■;■:■'•'■■ iti the other evening, threw •.■;.■•:.". v. the table, and said, huskily: ■■■(}■ -,?.;■, :,; < big glass." The dwanter )•»:!•' r i",:::■:; tumbler were placed in front tWr b;.ir, -,r, ' he began to pour out a drink. VjWlm in: tumbler wftß half full, he in"'! looked at it as if estimating i'lAsilisy as compared with his thirst. U ' f 'tu, ;!t appeared to be unsatisfactory. ;W ■ pouring, and slowly filled ':• ,Tbo aarman hastily took off his i;.,At ana vrtat, removed his collar and .*»;••-"ktie, v;l then herniated. "No,"he iivilv surf,, putting on the garments ■f. 'jftvn, " l\l like first rate to go in ■;,i;t:i with you, but it's too blamed