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Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 251, 4 September 1902, Page 1

Do* lan :So yez t’ink Fiiday is an unlucky day ? Hoolan ■o* krow it. Oi b-> i>fiber Jnein' me pur.-e wid tin dollars in it on a Fnday. Don't >ez call thot bad luck ? Doolan : Yis ; bad luck for you, but foine luck f r the felly thot found-it. “ That horrid Maud has been gossiping about me.” “ Why, how do you know ?” “ She kissed me twice wh- n we met to-day.” Miss Pertic Goodwin : ‘ So you’ve asked papa ? It wasn’t such ati ruble ordeal, was it? All you had to do waa to keep per ft ctly cool. The Young Man : “Cool ! I wn so cool you couli have heard my teeth chatttr.” “ Men of my profession are very good story - leders,” remarked the baiber. “ Yer,” assented the smarting >uff«rer in the chair, “ and they usually illustrate their stories with cuts.’

You’ll have to reform before I’ll marry yon. All right. No doubt it will be easier to do so now than afterwards.”

Maud :.Do you know why Charlie wears such high collars ? Minnie : I expect it is to support his head, because it’s so weak.

Solicitor (to man who baa been accused of stealing a watoh) : I have no objection to defending you, my man, but I shall want some security for my fee. The Accused : Well, y*r can ’ave the bloomin’ watch, if yer like.

He : I was once one of the judges at a baby-show. She r Heavens! How did you escape ? He :We handed in a sealed verdict.

Newlywed : But you don’t believe in living beyond one’s income. Mrs Newlywed : Well, of course, th-t depends on the income.

_ Mamma : To-morrow’s Chri-inia- D-v Effie d-ar. t>mi you will j clioico . the first time. (Encouragingly ) v ili be beautiful iiiumc Etfi ; Oh mummy dear, may I danct ?

Genial Friend : The. ei«Mi sH< r-.. g Ponde flirting with Bcrd Nmcomp l pe. I understood she was going to marry the Karl De Broke. Candid ditto : She intended to do so, but her option'on him expired before her father decided to purchase.

'.I he man who likes his work baa found the philosopner’a atone. The man who couldn’t fill the office better than the man elected has yet to be born in a great republic*