"Me and the King.”

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 236, 31 July 1902, Page 1

"Me and the King.”

o (From S -uthland Times, July 25,1902). Scene—Hotel Cecil—a quiet parlour. Time—U"certain. Enter—Edward Rex—"incog." Dick—the one and only rises to greet him. Rex : " Good evening Dick, ho v are you getting along ?" Dick : •• Glad to see your Majesty, fairly satisfactory -shall I ring for—" Rex . " Thanks, yes ! I're been coming down for a quiet chat for some weeks, but have always been too busy." Dick : "Oh ! That comes of baring incapable men, Ministers, I mean Ifow, I've always time, because I know bjjw'tio deal with my people.—Let them know you'll stand no humbug. Now when I was on the Wet>t Coast," — Rex : " Pray ! pardon me, I recognise —everyoi e does—your genius, but alas ! some of us aio born common-place chaiacters. But how have they bwn treating you here, at the Colonial office and to forth?"

Dick : " None too wel 1 ! I'm blooked at every point through sheer jealousy ; Uc ! "

Rex : " They won't take up your little ideas, eh !" Dick : " Little ideas ! Why look her*. Edward, beg pardon, "Your Maj-sty," you want a man like me in London. I'd Bhow them a thing o; two." Bex : "For example ?" Dick : " Freetrade with the colonics only, c'ear out the Colonial office, and put up to date men in charge, put soldiere at the head of the war oilier, ti"t Carpet Knights, break up the large etfateg and-" Rex : " Hold on. Dick, the first Jthree might be possible, but as poor old John Manners sang, ' Liave us still our old aristocracy.' " Dick : " Au'stocrncy! Faugh ! What's that ? I'm no ariskcrat, and yet I'm hard to beat." Rex : " True. Dick, true." Dick : " Give me the job. I'll burst them up—estates and all—for a consideration." Rex : " Oh, let's give politics a r.ot. What about social life in New Zealand. How do you live ? What do you eat and diiik ?" Dick : New Nealand's tho diadem of your Crown, your Majesty. Can't b* wiped out. As for eatin' and drinkin' —well, on the West Coast—" Rex (aside) : '■ Oh, he's started again ; that Coast." fjiJDick : " They dri-'k mostly wh'sky t.nd water, but whisky most; in Wellington a go d deal ot beer ;iu Utago and Southland Hondai Lanka tea.'' Rex ; " Hondai what ?" " Oh, that's a famous tea we have tho monopoly of in New Zealand. If I lived in Otago I'm afraid I should turn a teetotaller. Excuse the pun." Rex : " But is it better than what you get here ?" Dick : " Bf tter ? I tell you, Ed— your Majesty, everything's better in New Zealand." Rex : " But George said the weather was bad, wet you know." \ [Dick : "Oh, they need a lot of water there for mixing with the whisky and infusing (making) the tea I told you of. It suits us." Rex : '« Oh, ah ! ah ! " Dick : "Now, this Hondai-Lanka Tea is pure, comes packed and sealed from Ceylon, and is imported in enormous quantities, JMany of my supporter* use it. It's immense, I tell you." Rex—" I wish I could taßte it." Di#k—" I've got a packet in my carpet bag. Jußt wait and we'll have a cap. Bex—" Thanks, ever so much." Dick—" Yes, you'll find it like our Contingentß - looks well, can stand hot water and plenty of it, and is all it claims to be. The best going 1 Wait a bit and I'll get my bag !" (Exid Dick, while Bex fumbles in bis pocket tfor his solid Gold Diamondmounted Drinking Gup), etc. —■" CKNTORT liEOBHDB."