Clippings.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 198, 3 May 1902, Page 4

Clippings.

WHY PAT RESIGNED. There .vas one: an Irishman who sought employment as a diver, bringiug with him his native enthusiasm and a certain amount of oxperiance. Although he had never been beneath the water, he had crossed an ocean of one variety, and swallowed nearly an ocean of another. But he had the Hibernian smile, which is convincing, aud the firm chanced to need a new man. And so on the following Monday morning Pat hid hs smile in a driving helmet. Now the job upon which the crew to \ which Pat had attached himself was working was in comparatively shallow water, and Pat was provided with a pick and told to use it on a ledgo below in a manner with which he was familiar, Down he went with his pick, and for about iirteen minutes nothing was heard from him. Then came a strong, deter, mined, deliberate pull on the signal rope, indicating that Pat had a very decided wish to come to the top. The assistants pulled him ta the raft and removed his helmet. " Take aff the rist av it," said Pat. '< "Tuke off the rest of it?" " Yis," said Pat. "Oi 11 worrik no longer on a job phere Oi cun't spit on me hands.

THE WORM TURNED. Wheu Ohumley and Crcney get together they are as confidential' as two boarding-school girls. At their latest

session, whilst they .were fighting mosquitoes on a banoh in the park, Chmnley hid a grievance that was , poured into sympathetic ears. " Did you ever notice," he said, more in grief than anger, " how oue'a family t takea the conceit out of him ? When , I'm among my fellow-men or in general J society what is said to me and the manner in which I am treated gives me the impression tflmt I'm a pretty good sort of fellow—some degrees above the mediocrity, understand." '"So you are," declared Cioney mpressively ; " and anyone denying it would have to have a few words with me, old man." "All people can't aee through your friendly eyes, Croney, but its pretty tough when you are trying to wheel a straight course through life, and feel that you are meeting with creditable success, to have your tyre repeatedly punctured by your own folks. Why, ■ when I went home last night my eldest daughter came to the door with beaming expectancy. When she saw mo her face fell, she flounced through the hall, and

inf Drmcd the rest of the family that it was only papa." " Expecting her beau, of course. Yoa should have shook her." ' f "Though I am considered passably good looking and have an up to date tailor, I was informed between my return and bedtime that I was getting horribly baldheaded ; that my breeches bagged . disreputably at the knees; that I waa becoming stoop-shouldered ; that my ' '" • colour was bad ; that I wasn't careful enough about my grammar when in company ; that my bow was a lop-sided one ; that I had got into the habit of working off rusty old jokes wher* I ÜBed to be brilliant in conversation and quick

in repartee';" "Why didn't you storm the oastle then and there ? It a husband and father takes all that drubbing in one evening and takes it meekly, he just might as well resign the headship of the family." " I rather think I kept up • my end, Croney. I cut down my wife's allowaiybk rvv-aii .-hait; .... ! literati ves.■'" WLtn. o.>>.c beau ciJlecLJ'.; ■ 'made ».■ h<w tfyvt below th'tn beis'...:,w:, ; : iiati■an'd. ; -' ';' ' ;.tt iry daugUtcywas^'- 1 ' 1 --'''.- ■ '^.ebgroistd.St - - ?'UfjjUAtw!':,'^U : >^ : 'WouUi ?sb *.<•.>jfe^^iifcil 1 l^vras 1 -' fully rp.?'j ; 'fs.m<idi.yur pUs;*'*ot ■" : l'tß*r«Htily oaf." : wS|i*bi^' : uva sii' ■ioanef-ior--.-menterawerp going tobe nood.','.