HUMOROUS ITEMS.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 190, 15 April 1902, Page 4

HUMOROUS ITEMS.

Minister: " Yes children we air have our besetting sins. So have I t like the rest. Now, what would you suppose is my besetting sin ? "- "Talking."

Freddy : " Ma, carpets are curious things, aren't they ? " Mother : " Why ? " Freddy : " 'Cos they are bought by the yard and worn by the feet."

" Can you give me no hope ? " he wildly cried.

" Yes," sweetly smiled the young girl. "If you go out quietly the bull dog will not hear you."

Wife : "John, you bring home a different umbrella every day." John : Well, I can't help it; as soon as I pick up one I should like to hang on to, some other fellow in the office claims it."

"Did anything about the defendant strike your eye as remarkable ?" asked the judge of the plaintiff in a case of assault and battery. "It did your honour." "And what was it ?" continued the judge. "His fist, your honour."

"No," said the impecunious nobleman to the astute interviewer, " I am not here on a pleasure trip. lam here on business."

': Count de Smallchange, " wrote the astute interviewer, "arrived yesterday with the intention of capturing an heiress for his bride."

Farmer Wayback (using telephone for the first time ): " Send me a bushel of oatSj'*

iVoice over the wire r *' Who are they, for ? "

Farmer Wayback: "Eh? Who are they, for? Don't get gay with me, you son of a gun 1 They are for my horsey*

°A 1 good story has just arrived from North Shield*.

Some time ago a question arose at a certain council meeting as to the consecration of a new portion of a cemetery., After a long and animated discussion, one intelligent member remarked :

"I shall vote for consecration ; l'vo had my back yard done with it, and it wears well.' 2