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Clippings.

A SUCCESS AS A PASTIME. Brown: “Say, I’ve been trying the finest cure for insomnia that I ever heard of. It is for one to count each breath that he exhales while lying in bed.” Smith: “ And then you go to sleep 1 Brown : “No ; bub after a little while a tellow gets rather interested in the work and the night passes away so quickly that he doesn’t mind lying still so long.'’

NATURAL HISTORY. It was during the natural history honr. “ Give me,” asked the teacher, •' an example of the alleged deceitful character of the eat.” “ In restaurants it is sometimes said to pass itself off for a rabitt,” answered the head boy. PASSED WITH HONOURS. “ First of all,” said the merchant to the youthful applicant,“ we’ll have to test your ability as a whistler. Suppose you try.” “ I’m sorry, sir,” said the boy, " bat I can’t whistle at all.” “ Hang up your hat,” cried the merchant. “ You’re the boy we’re looking for.”

DURING THE NEGOTIATION, **

“ It’s a prime turkey, Mrs Brady.” “Do you think sc? Maybe they thought it was such a foine bur-rd they hated to let it die young ! ”

GOING FOR NOTHING.

‘ How are things going?’ asked Jinks of his friend the auctioneer.’

‘ Oh, for little or nothing,’ replied the knight of the hammer, who was in a pessimistic mood. ‘ Well,’ said the facetious inquirer, ‘ you can knock that picture down to me for nothing.’

THE PREPARATORY COURSE,, . Mrs Upton Yea, our cook is a perfect old reprobate. We can’t endure her any longer. Mr Upton intends to discharge her when her next month is up.’ Mrs Jonesmith : * Why doesn’t he discharge her at once, or when her present month expires ?’ Mrs Upton: ‘ Oh, he wants to put it ofl. five or six weeks. He has only just begun taking the nerve tonic.

HER COMMENT. ‘ Charley, dear,’ said young Mrs Torkiss, ‘do you mean to tell me that all these famousmen go to town day after day just to hold an enquiry ?’ ‘ Certainly.’ ‘ The Idea ! And they talk about the curiosity of women!’

WOMEN’S WAYS IN NOVEMBER. Clara: “Oh, Clarence, I must have this lovely fur collar! Give it to me as a Christmas present.” Clarence : “All right, Clara. Bat remember—this is the fifth Christmas present I’ve given you since August! ”

Permanent link to this item
Hononga pūmau ki tēnei tūemi

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/WDA19020320.2.20

Bibliographic details
Ngā taipitopito pukapuka

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 180, 20 March 1902, Page 4

Word count
Tapeke kupu
386

Clippings. Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 180, 20 March 1902, Page 4

Clippings. Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 180, 20 March 1902, Page 4

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