Short Story. De Smyth’s Colonial

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 177, 13 March 1902, Page 1

Short Story. De Smyth’s Colonial

Appointment.

i'on have no idea how jolly easy it is to lose a berth in the colonial Xorvice, especially when the Johnnie who got you the job has been chucked out of office by the swing of the blessed pendulum those political chappies are always gassing about. Of course, my dad has a big pull up in our county, and could go into the Commons on his own any time be liked, but the Guv'nor is not the man to take on any extra worry unless be is forced to. So, when Teddio Hams ay was sent up to our place by the Carlton Club at the general election, we bucked up for him for all we were jolly well worth, and got him in with an increased majority. I had known Teddy before, - for I used to meet him with the boys at the cri, and about the balls whon I was at Rodd and Gunuoy's, and he was reading for the Bar. He was a younger son of Lord Purley, who had been evor so long in the Commons, but who got himself a peerage whon he wag coming on in years, just for the benefit of the family. After the election affair I had to ?tick about at home on the offchance of something turning up, for I couldn't go that cramming game at Kodd and Gunnoy's, and as I had got ploughed twice the Guv'nor turned rusty, and said if I must go soldiering after that, I should have to jolly well enlist. A bit nasty, wasn't it ; Well, there I was, don't you know, doing a little rabbiting and ratting to kill time, when I got a curious letter from Teddie Ramsay one morning. Lord Purley had already written to my dad thanking him for his valuable aid over Teddie's election, and all that sort of tomniie, and now I gets a long screed from my friend, the member himself, giving mo a lot credit over the show, and saying that he wou[d like to see me in town as soon as I could conveniently comedown. So I struck the mater for a tenner, and popped off to London by the next train. Good old Teddie! He had been thinking about me all the time, and now had a rare scheme. Those silly Radical Johnnies had got the chuck when the new Parliament met, and a new Government had come in. Lord Purley, who had held office before, when his chums were on top, had become Secretary of State for the colonies, and Teddie told mo—on the strict q.t.—that his old man was ready to do anything in the world for me, now that ho had the chance of showing his gratitude to our crowd over the ".lection affair. Teddie found out from one of those Johnnies who were acting as political private secretaries to his guv'nor in Downing street, that there was a snug berth going in Demerara, worth £OOO a year, with a lot of pickings. The job was supposed to be only open to lawyers, but as the Governor of the colony had beeu put into his place by Lord Purley when he had been in office before, Teddio said it didn't matter a continental whether I was learned in the law or not, for old Sir AndiewFlapdougal would have to look after my interests. So Teddio showed mo how to write out and application, "having the honour to be youc obedient servant," an all that tommio and we shoved it in. There were several other chappies after the berth, who had been in the service for soino time, but it was bad luck for them that I was in the running, for I came in an easy first, with the rest of the field nowhere. When the thing was gazetted I slipped home for the guv'nor at once. He got the Gazette notice shoved into our country paper, and it looked slap-up, I can assure you, and fairly knocked the silly goats about our neighbourhood : —" To be Stipendiary Magistrate and Custos Rotulorum, Registrar of Births, Marriages, and Deaths, and Commissioner of Goidfields at Massaruni, Demerara; Jocelyne deSmythe, Esq.'' I struck the dad for two hundred at once—nothing like striking the iron while it's hot, don't you know —and after we had had a few ltfctle dinners and affairs of that sort, got back to London, and had a cut at the tailors, as I had to get back to Comerara as soon as pos. Teddie introduced me to a man he knew, who had served in the West India Regiment, and knew all about these parts, and in a few days I knew as much about Demerara as I did about our part of the country. Sugar and molasses grew tber9 in great abundance, as well as cacao, coffee, kaolin, bananas, and all that sort of thing. The population consists of Indian Coolies, buckniggers some ex-convicts, who have got away from Cayenne, Devil's Island and such places, and some white officials and plants, with the Governor and his crowd on top, ot course. 'JVddio tr>t hie old man 10

write me a k-l-ter of introduction to Sir Andrew PJapdougal!, so i, was, as right us rain, what dyou think.. Todiiio is a prime uld sort, and he would insist on coming down to Southampton to see me oil, and all that sort of thing, and we had a! ripping time before starting. l| saw old Parley before leaving London, and he advised me to keep my own counsel—otherwise play the “ mum ” game—till 1 got to| Georgetown and saw Sir Andrew Flapdougall, and I stuck to his tip, l you bet your life. On the voyage out in the Para I told nobody my business, and I pride myself that no one aboard tumbled to the fact that I was an important Government official. We got to Barbadoes all serene, and later on, when 1 changed to the boat going to Dcmerara, I got amongst a fresh crowd altogether. The steamer W'as smaller than the| Para, and we had a rough time! going clown the coast. One night I was sitting doing a quiet cigarette on the long deck seat at the back of a cabin, when a girl came and plumped down near me. You know what Parley said, and I stuck to his tip, you bet your hat —but although wo could noti see each other’s faces, I soon fouua out that she was a jolly sort, and we got into a rare old chat. I got out of her that she belonged to the party of the Hon. John Tomkins, a Dcmerara planter and memberj of the Court of Policy or whateveri they call their Parliament or Legislature there. We had a real hope that we should come together again to-mo”row, and get to know each other better. You see, I had been away from girls’ society for throe weeks on end by that time, and so got a bit keen on this lot. I had got her name—Errayntrude Brown, Ermie for short, don’t you know — and I had told her mine, and the little game I was on, which seemed to impress her a good deal, even in the dark. The next morning I sounded the purser about the Hon. John Tomkins, and found he was a true bill. Big sugar plantations all over the shop, and all that kind of game. But his party only consisted of his three kiddies—little girls not yet at school—and their nurse, who had no name on the ship’s books at all. It was a nasty Jar for me, I can tell you. for when I cut Ermyntrude on deck—she turned out to bo a blessed nigger, with lips like chunks of sugar-melon—-she let out all over the ship what I had been saying to her overnight, how I had squeezed her hand, and all that sort of nonsense. I got a fine roasting from the ocher fellows on board, but I didn’tj much mind that; the great trouble was after we went ashore at Georgetown. One of the newspaper Johnnies stuck the thing in his paper as a joke, and when I called on the Governor with my letter of introduction bo was in a fine old wax. After saluting me for a quarter of an hour, Sir Andrew told me that I ought to “ hae mail* discretion,” and that I “ wad’na dae for the job on the Massaruni,” and all that tommy rot—you know how these pious, whiskey-drinking old chaps get it off their chests, don’t you ? I was not going to stand any of old Flapdougall’s nag, knowing I had Lord Parley and Tcddie behind mo at Home, and Teddio could lug him up in the House of Commons if he liked, so I gave the old boy cheek. He got nasty, and wouldn’t let mo take up my appointment on the Massaruni, so after a bit 1 chucked it and came home to tell Toddle Ramsay all about it, Then one of those Radical idiots asked a question in the House about the affair, and some of the papers, without understanding the real hang of the business, gave me a rare chipping. Old Pudey advised me to resign the tniug and he would get me something better later on, and I had dreams of a judgeship or something of that sort, till the blessed Government got the push. It just shows you, as I said before, how jolly easy it is to lose a berth in the Colonial Service.