Short Story.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 166, 15 February 1902, Page 4

Short Story.

THE JOKE AND ITS VICTIM

[By Centre.]

‘Hullo there, Mahoney,- Sr h you’ve cut loose from that busy, ; palatial house of yours.’ Mahoney’s face broadened, and no wonder: his ‘ busy, palatial house ’ was the little red station ten miles up the Missouri division. Ho met the firm, slender, out-j stretched hand with his own limp clumsy one. ‘Well, Mr French,’ he replied in his slow, droll way, ‘I jus’ turned things over to some o’ my crew, an’ came down fer a day at headquarters.’ ‘ That’s right,’ said French; ‘there isn’t a man on the system the boys like to see in town better than you. Let's step in here and have something to start your holiday right.’ A guilt sign, ’ The Gaysor,’ da. signated the place, which they entered.

few minutes French emerged and resumed bis way to the general offices. But it was a couple of hours before Mahoney came forth. Clearly he had rsmaiaod too long. Yet with blandly beaming face ho started down the street. Better for him had his line of progression been less wavering. As it was hoi presently brushed awkwardly against a lady walking in the opposite direction. He stopped instantly, and bowing profoundly, began to apologise. Bo effusive was his politeness that the lady was half a block away bofoie he replaced bis hat and started on. From the window besido his desk in the general offices opposite, who should witness this episode but French ? Promptly recognising the lady as the wife of a fellow clerk, Blake, bo called that gentleman to the window in time to see the last of Mahoney’s bowing and scraping.

French explained what had gone before and both men laughed heartily. Then an idea struck French.

‘ Blake,’ ho said’ ‘ why don’t you have some fan out of old Mahoney. Pretend to take it seriously and get up a regular row with the old chap. Wo fellows could have no end of sport out of him.’ Blake grinned, then gave French a punch in the chest by way of answer. ‘ We’ll do it.” ho said.

Next morning Mahoney, back at his sleepy little station, received the following letter :

Mr David Mahoney, Missouri Junction, tor, — To-day as my wife was quietly walkinqi down Main threat, she was rudely, elbowed by a rough fellow, who pro. ce.eded to make matt era worse by addressing her noisily and familiarly. After •onsiderablo difficulty I have identified you as the man, and I address you this ine merely aa a preliminary statement, of my indignation un* 111 can mset you in peryou. 1 tt iivmn T7l T> t • r** rrt

HICNKT F. BLAKE. Mahoney read this peppery missive slowly and laboriously. Again and again during the day he had it out of his pocket, going over it with a quizzical look on his face. That night, with bis big rough list, he tediously composed an answer which, he hoped, would sot all things • square and satisfactorily.’

Of course ho might as well not have written at all. The return mail brought him a second letter, breathing forth fire and brimstone. Blake cavalierly dismissed his version of the affair as mere subterfuge, and angrily demanded ‘ personal satisfaction.’

To review the correspondence that ensued would be needless. It only ended when, after unromittent protest, Mahoney finally consented to meet Blake and give him his satisfaction according to the old

code. / Great was the hilarity at the general offices. French proceeded to impose him self upon Mahoney ns second, lie then engaged the railroad’s official, Dr. Todd, as bis principal’s surgeon, Blake’s M.D, was an impostor ; but he borrowed an ample case of instruments ’and bottles, and so appeared quite the real thing. An umpire was chosen and, as a final item, some blank cartridges were procured. The appointed afternoon arrived. On reaching the station, Mahoney was mot by French aud Dr. Todd. He received their salutations very soberly.

‘ Gentlemen,’ he said, ' this is a mighty serious business. My whole feeling ia straight again it, an’ if I could aee any fair way to back out I'd take it mighty sudden.’ Thinking a nerve tonic indicated, Dr. Todd astutely pescribed a ball at * The Geyser.’ The doctor might have thought differently had he known that Mahoney had obtained leave of absence from his post ‘ to attend a funeral.’ The rest of the party and a roomy carry-all were in readiness at a livery. The umpire took the neutral position of driver, and soon the town was left behind. The two duellists sat well apart. Blake talked to his friends with exasperating unconcern ; but Mahoney seemed absorbed, now in the distant prospect, now in the toes of y? boots. r At last the umpire drew rein. Then the team was tied to a tree, and the party advanced to a small glade some ten rods back from the road.

It seemed just the place for the affair in hand—grassy, level, and well shut in by trees and bush. . The umpire promptly produced a surveyor's chain and measured off

the distance agreed upon. - Then the seconds tossed up for choice of

positions. Meanwhile Mahoney, looking nervous, was seated on a Jog, mopping his brow with his polka

dot handkerchief. But the umpire soon called the fighters to their places. Then he required the seconds to bring the pistols for his inspection.

They were single barrelled, such as have always been popular in duelling because they forestall any treacherous after-shooting. Under pretext of making sure that all was according to agreement a blank cartridge was readily substituted for Mahoney’s genuine one. Then the weapons were returned to the confronting foes. At the ‘ make ready,’ both pistols were levelled. Then, amid breathless suspense, the umpire counted, ‘ One, two, three, fire !’ and two sharp reports rang forth. Blake fell heavily to the ground with a loud moan; and second, surgeons, and umpire rushed towards the prostrate man.

French alone remained near Mahoney. He expected to sea consternation and terror come over his principal’s fuce. But instead Mahoney stepped up with a covert twinkle in hia ey&aud hastily whispered in Froucb's ear, ‘ I’ve got a six-shooter with some more blacks in my pocket; mobbe 1 that’ll shako ’em up in earnest.’ The other men with hasty steps had reached Blake’s side: aud while ostensibly absorbed in elevating his head and loosening hia clothing all remembered at this time to cast * an eye for fun m Mahoney’s direction, 1 Imagine their dismay when they saw that personage whip a fresh 'weapon from his hip pocket, loved jit, and maliciously start towards them shouting. “Tvs killed one jman—by Heaven, I’ll finish the irest of vou now.”

In aa instant he was firing point blank at them.

With p. spring the umpire made for the nearest tree. Both surgeons followed suit, dropping probes and bandages as they started. Even B'ako’a second showed no further regard for his wounded chief; and that individual himself completed the rout, and incidentally displayed quite a remnant of vitality by leaping up ami making for the cover of a dense sumacs bush.

The turning of the tables was complete. French, the only passive spectator, was fairly limp with laughter. But as legs and coat tail* wero disappearing behind cover, Mahoney again stepped up to him with a few words. Then the two made a sudden dash in the direction of the carry-all. j A moment later l>r 'food’s head ■peered out from behind a friendly [tree. The panic over, ho was tho first to venture a reconnoitonug

glance. Great was big surprise aud gratification upon seeing their dangerous companion aud bis second taking to heel. He was Just on the point of giving the reassuring word to his partners in biding, when it dawned upon him that they were duped.

Indeed there could be no mistake, for Mahoney and French were headed straight for the team. The doctor darted oil after the thieves at full speed, screaming as be started, fi Come on, fellows ; burry up, they're taking the rig.” All save Flake followed him. That worthy gentleman’s faculties were rather too confused to grasp the situation clearly. But the pursuit was vain.

Mahoney’s position had been in the direction of the carry-all, aud he and French were w r eil oil* before the gallant chase, headed by Dr Todd,

began. bo, when the hounds reached the open roadside, the foxes had made their escape. Fifty yards down the trail Mahoney, on the driver’s box, was cracking the whip over the horses’ backs, and French, standing on the rear step, suavely waved farewell with his handkerchief. That night Dr Todd, the umpire, and Biake’a second and surgeon hauled up in town in a farmer’s waggon. Nows of the affair had, of course, gone before, aud an enthusiastic crowd, headed by French, was oa the look out to receive them.

Mahoney had modestly disappeared. a II four fellows found that nothing short of treats all round would enable them to got away home. As for Blako, he had scored a

preliminary point by abandoning the rustic conveyance just outside the town, and by a round about

had made the shiler of hia own roof unobserved,

Somehow his wife couldn’t get much out of him about the joke on Mahoney, But a few days afU* the best hotel in the place witnessed a highly select stag banquet at his expense. On this occasion Mahoney sat at

the right hand of his host. Of course French, too, was there ; and when it came to toasts he rose and said, with a mischievous smile playing around his mouth. “To the perpetuation of that ancient institution, the Code of Honour.” But the chief interest hung upon Mahoney; and when in turn he stood up and proposed the health and happiness of Mrs Blake, it was drunk with unmixed enthusiasm.