Theatrical Column.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume IV, Issue 160, 1 February 1902, Page 3

Theatrical Column.

THE EARLY TRAIN,

OR PAY I PAY II PAY! II A COMEDY IN ONE ACT. (Written expressly for the Advertiser by oar playwright. May be staged by any subscriber to that important and influential journal on payment of arrears of subscription.)

Scone : Waimato railway station, Thursday morning. The 8.40 train is preparing to leave. Excited crowd of business men, hotelkeepers, carriers and others, gazing at tho station gate ; crowd of excited men and women, with rocky countenances, gazing anxiously at the gate to the station. A large figure is seen at the gate. It turns out to bo a woman, whom a slightly less large Eat Man is trying to dodge. He almost succeeds, when she grabs his arm and falls on him with a squashing sound. H irdfacod damsel (loqaitor) : “He comath not.” (tears at her hair, but unfortunately succeeding, hastily crams it in her pocket). “Frank, got a move on, you’ll miss tho train 1 Brain that beilamo !”

Crowd of rockfaces take up tho cry and tho business men and others pull out sundry accounts. The figure is seen to rise from under the fat woman and fed in its pants’ pocket. .Fa: woman seums satisfied and allows hnu to depart with his scattered goods. Station boil rings and Fatiuau runs

laboriously. First business man; “ I will away and meet him.” Chorus of ethers : And wo.”

11.1 • uf.;c kI uiiiu : ‘‘ Hold, good people. What wouldV. thoa. Stop him not, ia case ho loso the train.” A--.iilo : “ Not half ins creditors have rolled up. If ho mioses tho train pendmuce ho may lose his diamond rings and studi, mayhap even Ilia shirt.’’

Chorus of hards encourage tho panting runnor, while the porter yells ; “ Way, please.” First Husinosa man : “ Pay mo that twelve bob thou owusl.”

[ Stage direction : Sun goes under » cloud. I

IPuG.face (plunging his hand into his pocket and lookin'' at contents! : Twopence ! ! We are undone (ladies shrieks in alarm). Turn out your pock-els." There is a hurried tarpaulin master, Hi d.l being secured from the push. Fust JAM. is satisfied, and retires smilingly, Mo. two taking his place and demanding l>i. There is a hurried partial di-irob naant, and one of tho ladies finds the balance iu stamps in, tho hem of her garment. (Muichoou arrives, breathless and spent.) * Third 8.M.: '• AVhero is my boodle." Muh’hoon (angrily): “Ask tho mu In.” (Thu mule here brays discordantly, as it denying the debt.) Engine coughs once or twice, tho cold air and Urn waking irritating its intr'.'iifil economy. Guard : “ All aboard. Stand clear, plCi-SQ.” Muichuun, who is buying a ticket and trying to look as if ho were daaf to tho appeal i for money ; ” Ask the mule, vou bally idiot. .Do you think we formed u joint slock company to huv out the town. (Aside to the highkicking girl of seventy summers or unde:’): ” Mo, don’t kick his head off. It isn't mod '.-it, and our motto, you know, is refinement. You might have sung him tho song about the tack, it there had been limo, ' That’ud knock him stiff.' " Third business man attempts to hold Mnlchoon, while tho ladies scream and the rrst of tho company, including the mule, bray angriiy. The guard's patience is exhausted ; there is u hurried vvavo of the hand, a snort from tho engine, a bray from the mulo, .and with a thankful sigh the company settle themselves iu their seals, and prepare, for. a fresh chapter in their great work of “ How to live without paving,” to no continued indefinitely while there are trustful souls who believe oven in the honesty of a scratch combination of theatrical dead boats,