Wit and Wisdom.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 142, 17 December 1901, Page 4

Wit and Wisdom.

THE LITTLE MINISTER. A minister, in Christina* week some years ago, when p*s<ing along a street in the north side of Edinburgh, came upon a big, burly coa'man, wlm was stimulating his horse to move along more quickly. The animal had come to a stand, and the man, while using the whip, gave expression to language which was. sin ply appalling. The minister, a little man, but of good courage, tackled the coa'man, and after expostulating with him said, “loannit understand what you mean by using such I harrowing language.” I “Ma man,” said the coalman, putting his black hand on the clergyman’s |shoulder, “ neither could I when I was your size.” • NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. Many years ago a Border church happened to be under repair, and the services were held for a abort time in the open air. One Sunday the minister, after giving out the let Psalm, sat down on a mound round which the people were gathered. After rising and -starting to read, he was observed to change col m", and to be in a most uncomfortable condition. At last ha stopped. “My dear brethren,” he said, “ I mayhave the Word o’ God in my mouth, bub I believe the very de’il himself has got intil my breeks.” He had sat on an ants’ nest. THE MINISTER AND THE TOLLMAN. Some years ago, before tolls were abolished in Scotland, a clergyman in a rural district was visiting hia pxrishoners. He was accompanied by his wife ia their carriage. When he arrived at one of the tolls, the following conversation took place:— Tollman—“ Toll, please.” Clergyman—“ Tollman ! Why yot» know, I am on ray parochial duties.” Tollman—“ Oh, what about her ?” pointing to the wife’ Clergyman—“ Well, by the Scriptures my wife and I are only one.” Tollman—“ May bo. The Scripturesmay say what they like, but by Act o' Parliament you’re tw*. So you’ll hae to pay.” LEFT NO STONE UNTURNED. A Welshman who was in London a couple of weeks ago lost his watch, and told the Scotland Yard people about it. They said they would leave no stone unturned to find the watch. The other day the 'Welshman went up to London ; he saw street after street turned up, and was told that in all thirty-six miles of roads ware in the same condition. Ho rushed down to Scotland Yard, and said. “ I didn’t think I was giving you all that trouble. If you don’t find the watch by Sunday I wouldn’t break up any more.” QUITE HOME-LIKE. A Cumberland football team once played Cambridge University. At , the conclusion of the game one of the vfsiting forwards, in reply to a question how he enjoyed the match, said *• When we cam’ oop to Cambridge, A was fear’d that they was nowt bat a set o’ parsons. Bat the fast mon as iver A got hold of, he says to me. “ Who the are you collarin’ ?” and,” said the worthy men with a placid smile of conten on his face. “ A felt nice and home-lika after that.” HIS RULING PASSION. The wife of a farmer in Aberdeenshire having been long confined to bed before the time when her last momeet approached, the husband, who was of a very mggardly disposition, at length grudged her so much as a light by her bedside. One night she exclaimed, “0, isna this an anoo thing that a pulr body can ge 1 # nae licht to see to dee wi’.” The husband instantly rose, lighted a candle, and, bringing it forward hastily to the bottom ef the bed, said, 11 There dee noe I”