Clippings.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 112, 8 October 1901, Page 4

Clippings.

Young Mi-tress : “T'-ds isn’t a clan knife, Jane.” New Servant: Isn’t il>* mum,! I don’t kivov bow that is, I’m sum it ought to be. The last thing it out was soap No Chance for an Argument.—Book Agent : “ Is the lady of the house ini’ Cook: “We’re all ladies here, yez raoenkeytaoed diviH If yez mane th> mishtress, say so?” An old Scotsman, who had been opposed to instrumental music in the church he attended, was asked what he thought of •the organ that had been introduced. “ Man,” was the reply, “I’m feared I’na gaun to like it.”

An Irishman was under examination .upon a charge of assault and battery. When asked if ha had anything to say in his defence, Patrick, with all seriousness, said, “ Well, your honour, I saw but little of the fight, as I was underneath most of the time.” Will you take su’thin ?” said a festive chap, as he entered one of the oity barrooms. “ Don’t care if I do,” drawled ou& the three “setters,” as they advanced towards the bar. “ Well, go and take a walk,” exclaimed the bbap, as he gulped down his and slid out.

A bey was trying to make a donkey draw a cart; but the stubborn donkey would not go. “ Your donkey has great will power," said his father, who was watching him. “ Oh, no, papa,’* replied theboy, “it isn’t his will power that troubles me, it’s his won’t power. He won’t go*” Military-looking Stranger ; “ Waitah* bring me a spring chicken and a bottle of “64 port." Waiter: “Spring chicken and “64? Yessir.” Twenty minutes later—M-LuS? : “ Waitah,” Waiters 41 Yessir,” M.LS ; “What was my order ? Waiter: “ Spring chicken and ’64 port, sir,” M.L.S.; “Exactly, and, confound you, you've brought spring port and a *64 -chicken I”

Some ** Trusts.”—The glue trust went through because the members stuck together. The leather trust put its whole sole into the matter and succeeded. The rubber men stretched a point and made an agreement. The wheel trust went spinning on to success. The yeast trust was followed by a rise in prices. The milk trust took the cream of the business. The screw men wormed their way together. The Use trust froze the outsiders. The gas trust inflated things to great proportions. The starch trust stiffened priors. The paint trust painted things red. The oyster trust proved to be no shell game. The elevator trust sent things up and down in a lively manner. The wringer trust put a squeeze on the fellows. The saw trust ripped things open. The salt trust was far from fresh. The -crockery trust smashed prioee.Tbo fertiliser trust caused a stir in the neighbourhood.' -'And the window truat lefin the light on-msmy : 4^:^hißg s ».-'^ f .