Clippings.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 104, 19 September 1901, Page 3

Clippings.

A PHILOSOPHEB. Wife : " There's a burg'ar down in the cellar, Henry." Husband : " Well, my dear, we ought to be fiankful that we are upstairs." Wife: " But he'll come up here." Husband : " Then we'll go down into the cellar, my dear. Surely a ten roomed house ought 10 be big enough to bold three people without crowding.

SECOND MARRIAGES. Aprop -a of the recent discussion in the British Parliament upon the Deceased Wile's Sister Bill, The Liverpool iWly Post tells this anecdote touching the subject of second marriages in general. A poor tailor, (elea ed from . a troublesome world and a scolding wife, went to the gates of Para lise. St Peter asked him if he had been in purgatory. " No," replied the tailor, "buc I h-va been mirried." «• OIV said . Pett-r, "pass iu; that's all iho same thing." After the tailor came a fat alderman, and would have gon.s straight in too, had hot St. Peter blocked the w y. " Have you been ill purgitory ?" asked the saint*. " No," answered s tae alderman 'but whit has t'aio to do with it ! You have just let niy tiilor in, and he has no. been iu purgatory any more than 1." Oh, bat he was married ou earth," replied St. Peter. " Married," exclaimed the worthy alderman, coufiient iu bit d»im", "I have been mame i twice !' '•Then go away at once," sternly rapliid the aaint; "Paradise ia no jilaee for tools." WHAT HE THOUGHT NOW. '..'•' Don't yoUs, want to read this ? " asked Mrs Watts, .handing her lord and master a letter yellow with uge. ■' What is it ? " asked the cautious man. " One of your old love-letters." " All right. I'll attempt it, fcny. way." '• What dd you. think of it ? " "she asked. " Well, I must say I haven't the imagination I had when I wrote that, but I've got a much better vooabuiary> " . :?-:■:..:■.. .. '■

for value received, Jaok: That's a.fine'dog you have, Jitri. Do you want to sell him ? Jim: I'll sell him for 10 dollars. Jack: la he is intelligent ? Jim (with eibphasis): Inielligp'pt ? Why, that dog kaowfl as mujh as I doJack * tou don't My so $ Well,' I'll give you half a r dollar for bim» Jim.