Clippings.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume III, Issue 199, 7 September 1901, Page 4

Clippings.

SPOILT TFR MOR4L. d A temperance lecturer one evening wa4‘ impressing upon hia audience the mj»;J ous effect that alcohol had upon animal.' life, and in order to illuat ale hia theory ! beheld a powerful microscope b«tween • the people and a glass filled wittLj apparently pu-e water, upon which a| number of living insects became visible! floating about the water. | “Now,” said the lecturer, “ I will put > a little whisky into the water, and ftwill see the effect.”

He did so, and a few minutes afte.*! wards he again let the audience inspect'! th< contents of the nmbLr too igh t a • microscope, when it was seen that ,1 the insects were dr-ad at the bottom of; the glass. Whereupon and old woman! at the back oi the room was heard to| exclaim : “ Well, I never 1 I am glad I came ! here to-uight, fot I will never drink! another drop of water without first jutt< : - ing some whisky into it.” t

’ OBEYING INSTRUCTIONS. Recently,'an old lady employed a nevf ’ servant. The lady kept a large bowl of goldfish of which she was very fond. She instructed the new servant to clean them every morning. The next morning the old lady on i is* ing found two of her fish dead. This troubled her very much, bo she determined to get up the next morning and see how the girl cleaned them. Imagine her di-may when she saw the girl take the fish out of the water and rub them with metal polish* t AN OBJECT LESSON. 3 A teacher, in order to make the children understand what they were told/ whilst giving an object lesson on the Idol, made the children repeat the end of the sentence after her, so : tx The Idol had eyes bat could not ’* < “ Se»,” shouted the children. 11 The Idol had ears but could not >y “ Hear,” replied the childreft- “ The Idol had a nose but could not . . 91 “ Wipe it," shouted the children, ard it was some little time before the teacher regained her composure. A GENTLE HINT. . There is a porter at one of the railway stations in the Metropolis who is somewhat renowned for his aptness in dropping bints. Ou one occasion he carried a lawyer’s bag to a cab. The lawyer* who was a seedy-lookicg old chap, was going to dismiss him with “ Thank yon.” 'The porter very civilly remarked ; “ Beg pardon, sir, but me and ray mate are partners, and if he asks me what you gave me what shall I say ?” Whereupon the lawyer gave him sixpence.

ENGLISH AS SHE IS WROTE. Oie bae heard a good deal about Eng- ; lieh m *h< is cpok«, but how about J English aa she is written by a careless v! reporter! The following 'are a few i examples that 'have come under our notice: “He kissed her back.”—“ She ■ sat down on hie departure.”—' 1 She I gradnsllj lowered her eyes until the/ i reited on the ground.”—“The boy was | on his return.” I —“ The man was \ [acoidenUlly shot in the tnnnel.” i